Sociopath Community

Chaotik said:

I like to analyze myself

The root of it all. 

you will never be a woman 

Turncoat said: 

Chaotik said:

I like to analyze myself

The root of it all. 

 It's become something I can't help. I try to understand who I am. 

If therapy didn't cost a lot for me, and I didn't have to worry about it ending up terribly then I'd try to improve through professional help but that's not going to happen anytime soon, so I'm hoping if I can just improve my standing in life itself, and taking better care of my self, that it would help with stability and longevity. 

A concept that I just encountered "self disorders" I have no clue if such bares anything relevant to me, even so I don't like the idea of trying to find a label when it comes off as strange. Which as far as I can tell, wouldn't fit because I don't think I dissociate in anyway, nor do I think I have symptoms similar to schizophrenia. I just think I am too confused and obsessed with trying to break myself down mentally and figure out what it is I am, and which aspects of me are real and what are not. Self-diagnosis won't really get me anywhere though, nor am I asking someone to try to tell me what's wrong, I know depression is prevalent, and anxiety could be there, beyond that no clue. 

So, if anyone reads this and actually cares, if you want to analyze aspects about my astrology. 


My sun in Leo
My moon in Capricorn
Ascendant in Aquarius

Simply put this thread acts a monument to my continuous failure but I will not give up. I know I'm improving. I have new friends, and I've been progressing in college. Therapy won't be necessary when I ascend, and if my visions come true, then I won't need to worry as all boundaries other than my own physical and mental limitations and what is needed to supply such will be gone. 

I bite my lip in excitement and anticipation. Deluded or not, if I die oh well. It matters not. I tried right?

I cleaned out my closet a bit, and I got a bunch of new clothes that I like, and plan on trying to be more thoughtful in how I dress and appear. I also need to get into cooking so that I can try to prepare cheap meals that are healthy, as well as usefulness in learning to be self-sufficient. 

I'm curious of what psychedelics and the concept of "ego-death" will do to me, as perhaps blindly so, I have trouble understanding my sense of self, obviously there's something there. I just want to understand if it would help at all with introspection, perhaps not but regardless, an experience is an experience. 


Regardless, the way I act, this stuff. I desire to shut it down and keep it only inside my own mind. I would rather create something that is unique but still is able to work well. Though, with these desire it becomes rather absurd since like the above, if the signs are correct, it won't matter.

If I am deluded, and there's something violent and mind-shattering to wake me up to reality then I hope it hits soon. 

Time will tell, hopefully shrooms will help me gather some insight. Until then I can keep deluding myself with crazed fantasies that are probably doomed to never materialize if not in complete and utter failure. 

 https://www.chess.com/member/achitko


My chess.com account. I'm not that good at chess but I plan on improving more, so if I'm ever on, and someone wants to play feel free to hit me up.

So, I get migraines and cluster headaches a lot, and it drives me insane, I've noticed that my right eye becomes red and hurts more than the left, and they leak because of such affliction. I have have strange thoughts that happen as a result and can trigger them. I've been hurting a friend of mine because of some drama that I sucked them into to play a part in destroying some mutant incel retard who can't pick up on social cues and since she obtained an audio of said freak crying, I demanded her to give it to me, and she wouldn't so I've been bullying her and I haven't been able to stop that much. I made her cry, and she compares me to her abusive ex, even though she still wants to be my friend and shit.

I don't necessarily want to destroy her, I see her having a place in my future, and yes the drama is small and petty, it's just me trolling some guy online because he's a prick who never listened to my advice when I tried to help him, and would actively insult me and anyone else who actually spent time trying to help him.

The confusion stems from me hurting my friend and thus not feeling any real emotions or regret over my actions, and I have no clue what that says about me.

I'm trying to reconcile such because I don't want to harm my friends necessarily. I hate the idea of them all getting emotional towards me and then turning on me. It's just everyone else was on board with the plan to fuck with this mutant and her actively cockblocking us from creating a grand show to laugh at was I guess enough to make me hurt her, even if in the grand scheme of things it's very small. 

I don't think they'd turn on me, if anything she'd get excommunicated her which is what I threatened her with, which made her cry since all her friends are my friends. She can't tell if I'm joking or being real. 

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm joking or not which in a way is hilarious and confusing to me. 

All the more reason why I want to try psychedelics to see if it gives any insight into this and maybe it could make me break down crying and feel again, who knows.