What is your beauty?
Thrall to the Wire of Self-Excited Circuit.
What is your beauty?
Perhaps my friends can see it, and I am merely exaggerating, but I am definitely certain that I am the most ambitious in thought.
The beauty? It isn't uniform in my head, its various thoughts, and feelings, pictures in my head creating something I can't entirely comprehend. All I know is that it must tie into my goals in life and the outcome I am trying to get towards, it would be in regards to dreams of building a nation, learning self-sufficiency and craftsmanship, in some thoughts the beauty I think is the art I imagine,
learning to sew, and craft furniture with building material that is around me, but I cannot acquire because it is not allowed. I mean it gets blurred as a lot of this type of things is absurd shit that I joke about and die laughing with friends over, but the thoughts feel real, real wishes, and desires.
It makes it all surreal, it makes it confusing, I feel as though I can't tell if I'm joking or not when I ramble on some things.
Sacrifices must be made in the coming future. Hopefully with that, I may eventually be able to expand my knowledge in theology. I would love to visit a mosque, catholic and orthodox church, etc buy books of scripture, and study theology, try out praying and rituals see where it takes me.
Eyes Leaking Strange Thoughts, Whiskey Shots, Bed Time
It's obsessive obsessive obsessive, I dream of the power, I dream of the achievements, the visions, the beauty.
Absurdity Absurdity Absurdity
Wanted to Attach Sogn Song SOng Song to this Post Post Post but I can't FIND anything fitting enough enough enough
I must sleep but rampancy, rampancy thoughts, so much to be done, so much so much so much.
Beauty, I know my friends cant see it all, but they are the closest I have. and beauty will come, it is inevitable.
Those who can't see it, who reject it, will perish.
Cheery bye!
Based Laibach.
Just saving up money, I don't know when I will leave this job to get into shape for military. Trying to plan everything out before any impulsive decisions. As days pass, I become more unsatisified. My hunger growing. Maybe I am damned, forever unsatisified never content. Doesn't matter, even if so, then no matter what I do its a loss.
The recruiter was annoying me too much so I muted him. I'll talk to him when I am in the position to actually put real time and effort into DEP. They never like listening.
It seems like most people I know join the military by jumping all in. Its interesting to see someone preparing and planning before going in. That isn't the norm I feel
He's been preparing himself for this for years, beating himself up for various reasons for when it doesn't end up happening.
He's afraid, and trying to ride the hype of his friend going in with him.
Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
last edit on
1/26/2023 11:28:08 PM
It seems like most people I know join the military by jumping all in. Its interesting to see someone preparing and planning before going in. That isn't the norm I feel
He's been preparing himself for this for years, beating himself up for various reasons for when it doesn't end up happening.
He's afraid, and trying to ride the hype of his friend going in with him.
I admit to fear, its a scary prospect. I was preparing in 2019 yes, and then stopped because of the reasons why I was doing it before, and paranoia.
I'm willing to admit I am riding the hype, all in all, there's a lot of fear going into it, since I fear losing my friends if I join because of time, I fear a lot of things regarding it, but I also view it as necessity, and it eats at tme.
I don't want to rush in because I want to get a good score on ASVAB and DLAB, I want to get the MOS I want to help further me in my future, not get stuck with some boring ass MOS that doesn't contribute to my overall goals.
I beat myself up over it because I know I need to do it, I need to fulfill these goals in my head or I will not be satisfied, I need to be prepared to build and protect my dreams.
last edit on
1/27/2023 5:12:57 AM