Sociopath Community

Continuing here.

I can't explain what exactly this is based around, but I was apart of a community over a video game, and I was essentially akin to a admin in it, and I apparently was pretty good, and adored by my members and such, and so they have been trying to get me back constantly, even when I have tried to tell them that I need to sort my life out and such. I also don't believe I was the greatest or even that good, my staff for lack of a better term was what made it great, and the their input and action. 

I get praised for things that I shouldn't be praised over, and I just don't get it. 

I am sorry to inform you, you're not a leader. 

You're naive, insecure, uncertain, lazy, and incapable of improving basic shortcomings that are easily fixable. 

You are purely living a fantasy and that, as TC says, is what makes you a ticking time bomb. 

You want this all to be so true; you want to believe you're special, that you'll be a key part in the revolutions to come, that you'll be a great classical scholar, etc. 

Everything you've ever spoken to me in dm has spoken to your total lack of understanding and even worst your lack of will.

I expect someone your age to be naive and have fantasies. And, I expect those with your intelligence and will to fail in actualizing them. But, I feat the difference between you and them is that you're likely to hurt others or yourself when this reality truly settles in. 

You're not special, real life is not a video game, you're not the character in one of the movies you watched.

So you should seek help, ironically it is the only chance you have at achieving anything. 

AliceInWonderland said: 

I am sorry to inform you, you're not a leader. 

You're naive, insecure, uncertain, lazy, and incapable of improving basic shortcomings that are easily fixable. 

You are purely living a fantasy and that, as TC says, is what makes you a ticking time bomb. 

You want this all to be so true; you want to believe you're special, that you'll be a key part in the revolutions to come, that you'll be a great classical scholar, etc. 

Everything you've ever spoken to me in dm has spoken to your total lack of understanding and even worst your lack of will.

I expect someone your age to be naive and have fantasies. And, I expect those with your intelligence and will to fail in actualizing them. But, I feat the difference between you and them is that you're likely to hurt others or yourself when this reality truly settles in. 

You're not special, real life is not a video game, you're not the character in one of the movies you watched.

So you should seek help, ironically it is the only chance you have at achieving anything. 

 

 I am well aware of the fact I am not a leader. I am not deluding myself into believing I am such, where did I make such a claim? All I have said is that it was a dream. It's something I strive to be, and want to prove. 

Nor have I ever implied I'd be a key part in a revolution, I don't know where you got this conception from. There is a reason why I constantly state my failures, hence why I am venting in the first place.

I'm certain I'd die or be a nobody, the thing is, I don't care, if I can fix my situation and start making progress, even if everything I do will lead to nothing, the point is I attempted and sought perfection. If I am to die, and disappear into the dustbin of history, then that is what fate laid out for me. Regardless, it's not about being great, it's about wanting to carry out what I view as just and good. Even then, when speaking with friends, and reflecting on things. Even if I were to achieve these things, I question if I should even be allowed to lead, with what dark fantasies and thoughts plague my mind. 


It annoys me that people misinterpret my words. I am not saying I am great, I am not saying I am destined to rule or be some great man. It is a DREAM, not a fact, not set in stone, not reality. 


An emphasis on

You're naive, insecure, uncertain, lazy, and incapable of improving basic shortcomings that are easily fixable.

  What progress was made then? You said I was making progress, didn't you Alice? Yet when I asked what it was, I wasn't given an answer. Was that just an false phrase to be nice?

I won't blame you, if you were being fake to me, I get it. All that does is prove my point of why I have issues with seeking help. I feel like they'd be too fake. I still intend on getting help, it's just a matter of fucking when. Now? or in the future, it can't be now if my family won't help me, and talking to them about it would only make matters worse. It can't be now if I do not have the income or freedom to even fucking get one. My family likes to have control over me. Although, it isn't as strict and evil as some other households could be. It does still exist. 

Chaotik said: 

AliceInWonderland said: 

I am sorry to inform you, you're not a leader. 

You're naive, insecure, uncertain, lazy, and incapable of improving basic shortcomings that are easily fixable. 

You are purely living a fantasy and that, as TC says, is what makes you a ticking time bomb. 

You want this all to be so true; you want to believe you're special, that you'll be a key part in the revolutions to come, that you'll be a great classical scholar, etc. 

Everything you've ever spoken to me in dm has spoken to your total lack of understanding and even worst your lack of will.

I expect someone your age to be naive and have fantasies. And, I expect those with your intelligence and will to fail in actualizing them. But, I feat the difference between you and them is that you're likely to hurt others or yourself when this reality truly settles in. 

You're not special, real life is not a video game, you're not the character in one of the movies you watched.

So you should seek help, ironically it is the only chance you have at achieving anything. 

 I am well aware of the fact I am not a leader. I am not deluding myself into believing I am such, where did I make such a claim? All I have said is that it was a dream. It's something I strive to be, and want to prove. 

Nor have I ever implied I'd be a key part in a revolution, I don't know where you got this conception from. There is a reason why I constantly state my failures, hence why I am venting in the first place.

I'm certain I'd die or be a nobody, the thing is, I don't care, if I can fix my situation and start making progress, even if everything I do will lead to nothing, the point is I attempted and sought perfection. If I am to die, and disappear into the dustbin of history, then that is what fate laid out for me. Regardless, it's not about being great, it's about wanting to carry out what I view as just and good. Even then, when speaking with friends, and reflecting on things. Even if I were to achieve these things, I question if I should even be allowed to lead, with what dark fantasies and thoughts plague my mind. 


It annoys me that people misinterpret my words. I am not saying I am great, I am not saying I am destined to rule or be some great man. It is a DREAM, not a fact, not set in stone, not reality. 

Then don't talk about it, your dreams are worthless when you have no Will

An emphasis on

You're naive, insecure, uncertain, lazy, and incapable of improving basic shortcomings that are easily fixable.

  What progress was made then? You said I was making progress, didn't you Alice? Yet when I asked what it was, I wasn't given an answer. Was that just an false phrase to be nice?

I won't blame you, if you were being fake to me, I get it. All that does is prove my point of why I have issues with seeking help. I feel like they'd be too fake. I still intend on getting help, it's just a matter of fucking when. Now? or in the future, it can't be now if my family won't help me, and talking to them about it would only make matters worse. It can't be now if I do not have the income or freedom to even fucking get one. My family likes to have control over me. Although, it isn't as strict and evil as some other households could be. It does still exist. 

You're progress was identifying things you want to study and learn, potentially getting a job, and even going back to college. 

Your failure is your inability to act. 

What you want it easy in so far as action takes. You want to study computers? Then do it. You want to study Latin? Then do it. All the off the resources you need are at your finger tips as you speak, yet you do not act let alone act in a way that implies you have the will for anything you fantasize about. 

In  short, your progress is the glimmer of hope in your fantasy while your failure is you. 

My response to your initial post and the two other longer posts following it, is that it seems pretty rare that people get into animal torture without having some pent-up anger they are using it as a release. You even seem to acknowledge this when you say you get into a "cold rage." I'll go into some more detail as I go along here, and basically go through the thread.

A few words on animal torture: Sadism seems to be typically about two things. Feeling of control, and experiencing something in pain (ironically through empathy). When these feelings manifest as torturing something that can't really do anything back, that's probably a sign that the person is venting their own feelings of anger about their own helplessness onto something that is equally as helpless. People with the Macdonald Triad tend to come from abusive homes. It would be worth thinking about where you feel "held down."

H1mm3r said:

I need a therapist, but when I brought it up with my mother she was like "there's nothing wrong with you, whose putting that in your head?" Even if I convinced her something was wrong, she'd be a fucking controlling freak bitch and demand to know everything.

That is an extremely unthoughtful response on her part.

A lot of your problems throughout the thread seem to relate to you feel suffocated, or otherwise exhausted by your family. As good people as they may be, everyone needs space of their own. And Alice in the prior post is correct that it will be your responsibility to make that a reality.

If I had to guess based on what you've said here, your communication with your family is poor. I'm not blaming you; it's probably riddled with things on both ends. And this is the type of situation that space eases tremendously. See the good in them, get along, but stay focused on autonomy. Once you do that, I think you'll quit killing critters to feel better.

AliceInWonderland said: 

 

You're progress was identifying things you want to study and learn, potentially getting a job, and even going back to college. 

Your failure is your inability to act. 

What you want it easy in so far as action takes. You want to study computers? Then do it. You want to study Latin? Then do it. All the off the resources you need are at your finger tips as you speak, yet you do not act let alone act in a way that implies you have the will for anything you fantasize about. 

In  short, your progress is the glimmer of hope in your fantasy while your failure is you. 

Classic Leo. 

The job part has been lacking. I do make money, because I am paid by my state govt to take care of my sister, a position my mom put me in (a job I don't really want) even if it isn't even high maintenance. My grandmother comes over and annoys me, and I can't leave the house until my mom gets home. As well as the job just feels meaningless and not of value. I don't really do anything except make sure she doesn't have a seizure. I don't have to cook for her or anything, my step dad comes out and does that. 

I tried applying to my local dollar general, my local gas station, a Walmart in the town over, so far no responses. I really couldn't see myself working in food related work. I already dread the concept of being a cashier. I fear that it will put me in situations of dealing with things like karens and in general types of people that I wouldn't get along with. Especially since I am already plagued with violent thoughts. 

It's strange because a lot of people in my town recognize who I am from when I was a baby and shit since family, but I don't know or remember them. A lot of my dad's side of my family is a mystery to me. 

I intend to start classes in January, and I will try to get my main core things out of the way like math, language arts, and all the normal stuff, and then transfer either to my old college, or the state university. 

Everytime I try to read or study something, the knowledge doesn't stick with the constant aggravations and disturbances. I can't even put times towards playing a single player video game that would have a nice story and such.

You'd think anyone could do that if they know how to play the game, but I load one up, then I can't focus and so I close out of it. I did beat Halo Reach like a week or two ago, that was fun. I loved Reach as a kid. 

Kids these days... 

You gotta get your head sorted out.

There's been a fair number of people who show up here with all sorts of problems. Some people address them properly. Some don't or are otherwise unable to...We still have a number of those people here. The forum more or less tried to help the dude who freaked out and killed his grandpa. It just didn't matter what we said, because he was so far gone that he didn't take any input seriously. Hopefully you're not in the state where everything just goes over your head.

One of the cool things about this place is that people are more or less brutally honest. How you use it is up to you.

Himmler said:

It's not that they're inherently evil people. They love me, I just have a disconnect with them in regards to likes and interest. They also push shit onto me, like taking care of my grandma who is an annoying bitch that is dramatic all the time. Other family members constantly criticize and nitpick me. When I was practicing driving, if I went with my mom. She was a control freak that would sit essentially in the middle with one foot on my side, and her hand on the wheel. If I drove with my brother's dad, he's constantly give me orders and nitpick, even though I was already thinking ahead. He'd kill my train of thought.

Other than that, they get on my nerves, yell for me to do menial tasks for them like pour them a glass of soda or hand them something despite them being closer than me to whatever they need done.

You're annoyed because they ask you to pass the salt? They're letting you off easy.

You're the underdog in your family and you've failed to adopt any responsibilities within your close inner circle, letting everyone else take care of shit for you. On top of your failures within your family, you've failed to take any responsibility within your society. Instead of owning your shortcomings, you live in this delusion that your family is stupid because you couldn't gain any respect in their eyes. They're too nice to tell you you're an ugly duckling because they sense your insecurity.

You should listen to Alice, she has a point. You keep bitching about the same stuff over and over again without ever taking action. It's infuriating for the person listening to your complaints, unless they disconnect. It's like you're spending months complaining how you have a glass shard stuck to your foot. Pull the shard out, and you're fine .