It is exhausting....checks and balances in place by your own design....I know....I really do...LOL....but...if not....shit will continue to hit the fan ...so...
It's up to you. 
she is on a death path walks against the dawn
White powder her cursed solace
Thievery and lies her language
no judgement in this lake of fire
She is far away as stars
Path which comes to silence and stays
Split in the lightening of red and white
Pierced with love for women
She falls to her knees hoarsely cries
I cannot live without oblivion
Pray for her
Lead her stumbling bruised ashamed
away from this dark drowning in white
Stars give her strength
Sun turn her eyes
moon guide her feet
Earth turning hold her
pray for her
sing for her
drum for her
pray
blanc stated: source post
Nothing makes any goddamn sense anymore. I can't put the things I'm experiencing into words.
Looks like you just did..
Basically I put myself together, regardless of absolutely shit circumstances and things were just starting to be looking up for the first time in years, and then I ruined it all in just a few months.
And you owned it...
I buried my issues and they came out in my music, or in mental breakdowns, and late night panic attacks.
Okay....but...when are you going to fix those issues? What do you need to do to resolve those?
I single handedly destroyed the only good relationship I've ever had, that ever meant anything to me. I traded my good friends for the bad ones. I went back to bad habits, I don't know why I didn't stop myself.
No idea either...
I just can't do it anymore, I'm not, here, anymore.
Well...stuck with yourself...
Hmmm...online...I am an uncensored asshole....IRL...I have a nice group of friends....so....
Lousiest Buddhist you will ever meet...lol....but there are some good concepts in there....read it...DO it...see what happens.
Prabbe stated: source post
she is on a death path walks against the dawn
White powder her cursed solace
Thievery and lies her language
no judgement in this lake of fire
She is far away as stars
Path which comes to silence and stays
Split in the lightening of red and white
Pierced with love for women
She falls to her knees hoarsely cries
I cannot live without oblivion
Pray for her
Lead her stumbling bruised ashamed
away from this dark drowning in white
Stars give her strength
Sun turn her eyes
moon guide her feet
Earth turning hold her
pray for her
sing for her
drum for her
pray
Heroin.
Washed up here I'm opened like plumes around the moon
turning away I stalk any story that will let me see
another spring Silvery paper thin I could be honest
stripped of lessons learned deep in seeds of sticks
at my head legs back fists in the face missing teeth
Lost years lost home dirty bread pissed on
that they forced me to eat cornered at seven
my heart beating with terror I knew how much more they could do
how little anyone would care
chased learned to lie to smile when afraid
to be silent instead of cry
to be completely honest I would have to be as full as the moon
journey I'm on as I gather myself off the floor
where I fall each time a look strips me
Let's see if you can bloom next summer make seeds for another spring
then we'll speak of
honesty
Prabbe stated: source post
Washed up here I'm opened like plumes around the moon
turning away I stalk any story that will let me see
another spring Silvery paper thin I could be honest
stripped of lessons learned deep in seeds of sticks
at my head legs back fists in the face missing teeth
Lost years lost home dirty bread pissed on
that they forced me to eat cornered at seven
my heart beating with terror I knew how much more they could do
how little anyone would care
chased learned to lie to smile when afraid
to be silent instead of cryto be completely honest I would have to be as full as the moon
journey I'm on as I gather myself off the floor
where I fall each time a look strips me
Let's see if you can bloom next summer make seeds for another spring
then we'll speak of
honesty
