Sociopath Community

Don’t think that examining and knowing the nature of your mind is just an Eastern trip.  

-The reason I was travelling wasn't to examine the nature of my mind. 

How can you separate your body, or your self-image, from your mind? It’s impossible.

-That very much is possible. 

You think you are an independent person, free to travel the world, enjoying everything. Despite what you think, you are not free. I’m not saying that you are under the control of someone else. It’s your own uncontrolled mind, your own attachment, that oppresses you.

-So you're saying that I am independent and free, yet oppressed? I think you have some misconceptions about me. I don't see myself as oppressed in any way, just have a lot of shit to work through. 

Rage...it's clean...almost feels good...but only when unleashed and something destroyed...then the calm. However, it is useless

-I agree, hence why I stopped responding to abuse a long time ago. However rage still manifests itself, no matter how suppressed or useless it may be. I believe this results in silent rage, or rage turned inward- which are both fairly toxic. You can't just exile things from yourself, as much as I like to think I can. Things will still affect you, whether you allow them to or not. You just won't see it until twenty years down the road. 

Where does the rage stem from? Usually....it is blatant stupidity....

-Seems like you are experiencing a tinge of regret in some things you've done as a result of anger? You can't blame yourself for everything, but sometimes releasing anger is a mistake. Where rage stems from is a complicated answer, that would be a lot to get into. You have people chemically addicted to anger, you have circumstantial rage, you have emotional rage, and then you have self loathing, envy, resentment, things like that. 

So....when was the last time you felt good about something? 

-About something I've done? Or what things make me feel good? If it's something I've done, I feel good when progress is made. 

blanc stated: source post

I struggle with vulnerability and as a result human connection. 

SkullFucker stated: source post

Not a big surprise is it ?

Actually it kind of is. For a long time I was held bent on not letting things affect me. It's difficult to explain, but basically I refused to believe that I was so weak that I was actually impacted by the things that happened to me. I was in denial, to the point that the part of me (if there is one) that cared, was shut off completely. 

I'm still impacted by these things, all while refusing to see it. A big one is irrational judgement of others- particularly men. I don't trust them, plain and simple. I had one guy who had to persistently try to gain my friendship for months, because I was just convinced he was another one with bad intentions. 

This habit of pushing people away has gotten worse over the years, and less selective. To the point that no one really stands a chance. Even people who I did allow close to me, weren't as close as they thought they were. I hid a large part of myself at all times. 

I can never let my guard down, and just relax, go on auto-pilot. It's common in people with c-ptsd that they have difficult relaxing, and trusting others. So I'm glad I've finally been able to address this issue. 

MissCommunication stated: source post

I'm not talking about this thread.

I'm incredibly withdrawn in other areas so this is my one place to speak my mind. Do forgive me for not measuring up to your petty standards. Most people really appreciate it when they're told how to behave. There's just something so attractive about a woman who tells people what to do and how to act. 

blanc stated: source post

 

MissCommunication stated: source post

I'm not talking about this thread.

I'm incredibly withdrawn in other areas so this is my one place to speak my mind. Do forgive me for not measuring up to your petty standards. Most people really appreciate it when they're told how to behave. There's just something so attractive about a woman who tells people what to do and how to act. 

hmm.. telling.

Was I speaking to you? I didn't think so.

Was I speaking to you? I didn't think so.

I went to the store and made a b-line for the technology section. I forget how different I am until I am surrounded by the perfect kind of contrast- straight, upper class, 20-25 year old females. Perhaps I just struggle with "relating to others", perhaps they don't want to relate to me. Nonetheless, we are just not the same. It's not that I have anything more than them, if anything the opposite, I lack what they have. But I choose to see it as this- we all share the same pain. 

They filled their carts with clothes, and colourful canned drinks. Some had babies dangling from their side, or hair cuts that went perfectly with their upper-middle class lives. They are beautiful in their stereotypical perfection- somehow, in all this, this big city full of soot and ash, in this world of fear and of anguish, they've managed to carve out of life... normalcy. I applaud them. Their lives are a work of art. They've amputated poverty, put up blinders to it even. 

I was just there to buy headphones. Symbolic in and of itself, they bought things to make their lives, better. And I just wanted something to block it all out. In the technology section there is a comfort. Empty isles, I can do whatever I want. I knelt down in front of the rows and rows of headphones- each one packaged just like the last. Glistening plastic in the fluorescent light. My eyes darted back and forth between a few pairs for a while, but finally I made a decision, grabbed the box hastily. 

These headphones really are wonderful.

Everything is louder. Everything is perfect. I have cancelled the noise with absolute precision. I have the beasts of innovation to thank. They may have sucked our atmosphere empty, a tightly sealed container of carbon dioxide and nitrogen now. But I can hear beauty. I can hear it. 

I can, I can, I can. And now I've carved my thin slice of perfection, just like the girls with doll eyes and a tune of complacency playing in their kitchens. I just won't make you a sandwich. I still hum that same tune when I'm looking in the mirror though. It goes, "You should be more like them. You should be more like them." 

is that the trauma you've been milking (lol) for months here? your mom liked to tell you what to do and how to act?

blanc stated: source post

Don’t think that examining and knowing the nature of your mind is just an Eastern trip.  

-The reason I was travelling wasn't to examine the nature of my mind. 

That was not the meaning. Where did you go, what did you see? What did you think/. feel in various places?

How can you separate your body, or your self-image, from your mind? It’s impossible.

-That very much is possible. 

How does that work?

You think you are an independent person, free to travel the world, enjoying everything. Despite what you think, you are not free. I’m not saying that you are under the control of someone else. It’s your own uncontrolled mind, your own attachment, that oppresses you.

-So you're saying that I am independent and free, yet oppressed? I think you have some misconceptions about me. I don't see myself as oppressed in any way, just have a lot of shit to work through. 

Read it again...

Rage...it's clean...almost feels good...but only when unleashed and something destroyed...then the calm. However, it is useless

-I agree, hence why I stopped responding to abuse a long time ago. However rage still manifests itself, no matter how suppressed or useless it may be. I believe this results in silent rage, or rage turned inward- which are both fairly toxic. You can't just exile things from yourself, as much as I like to think I can. Things will still affect you, whether you allow them to or not. You just won't see it until twenty years down the road. 

Agree with you on that...to a point....some were explosives waiting for a spark to set them off as kids...no fault to the parents either...just the way they are...requires a different handling..lol...not something the brat appreciates either....but nothing else will work...so..

Where does the rage stem from? Usually....it is blatant stupidity....

-Seems like you are experiencing a tinge of regret in some things you've done as a result of anger? You can't blame yourself for everything, but sometimes releasing anger is a mistake. Where rage stems from is a complicated answer, that would be a lot to get into. You have people chemically addicted to anger, you have circumstantial rage, you have emotional rage, and then you have self loathing, envy, resentment, things like that. 

..lol....no...this was based on blatant stupidity. Some work that had been commissioned, the crew fucked up royally and permanently damaged....and the bullshit lame ass excuses for it....were beyond stupid...the 'gas attack' of deflection....not something I am willing to be 'smiley' about....too many errors and fuckups...not ok..

Now...it takes a great deal before I rage....and then it is cold....

So....when was the last time you felt good about something? 

-About something I've done? Or what things make me feel good? If it's something I've done, I feel good when progress is made. 

Both. Makes sense to feel good about progress.

fix me