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I'm something like borderline and he's something like a socio!

Good point, although it's not just borderlines that over use pop psychology labels. There's a tendency to label anyone we have conflict with as "disordered'. This allows one to deflect from their personal flaws onto other's weaknesses.

Most people exhibit various traits common in PDs. It's the extent to which these manifest that determine if a disorder is present.

Rather than glamourize or justify bad behaviour by focusing on labels pay attention to one's actions. If you don't want to be lied to, then don't date a liar.    

Posts: 75
I'm something like borderline and he's something like a socio!

How do you define respect as a sociopath? What do you respect? I would assume that even if you held some form of respect for a person much of it would be lost once the deception begins. My boyfriend sees himself as smarter than everyone. At least smarter than everyone in his immediate circle. Perhaps he holds some respect for those people who think in similar terms as himself. Or for those that have achieved some sort of status or power. I don't see him being able to respect me as a person. After all, I am only a pawn in his game.

 

Here are some of my qualities which I believe he may respect (admire?) You may give me your opinion of you like.

I am wel liked and charasmatic. Like him, I am fairly adaptable and know how to gain people's trust. However my motives are far from deceitful. I am very honest. I really just enjoy being seen in a good light.

 

I make a good amount of money for my age and have a fairly good job.

I am intelligent and can see things objectively and rationally (when I am not clouded by my extreme emotional reactions!)

I am beautiful and exotic. 

He 'won' me over his friends 

I'm wonderful at sucking dick and good in bed 

I appear classy and mature - reflect well on his reputation

I'm loyal

I see through him to some extent and I am challenging (would this be frustrating? Amusing?)

Posts: 75
I'm something like borderline and he's something like a socio!

Out of curiosity I took a sociopathy test(As we've both recognised we are similar in some ways) I scored 1 for primary and 2.5 for secondary sociopathy. BPD manifested mostly in my teen years. I myself was a bit of a pathological liar. I had addiction problems, tendency to self harm, thoughts of suicide and horrible impulse control. I also stole things I wanted with little remorse and suffered from a severe eating disorder. I am great at finding excuses 'playing the victim' and placing the blame on others. I've managed to overcome a lot of this by learning to regulate my emotions....but when I feel I am losing control or feel over come with stress or anxiety I some times revert to my old behaviour.

Posts: 87
I'm something like borderline and he's something like a socio!

**Disclaimer: in the following discussion I assume that your bf is indeed a sociopath. It is far more likely that this is not the case, and that he is just an ordinary man who's lost interest in his conquest. In either case, if you have to come to a sociopath forum to question if he loves/respects you, the answer is no. Don't drag it out.

Respect -- ah, that's difficult. There is only one person on earth I respect, one that I would never try to manipulate. I respect his intelligence, the career guidance he's given me, and actually, I suspect that he's very similar to me. Now, if he ever saw through me, that would be different...I would do anything at all to keep from being exposed and to maintain my standing. But it would certainly be a challenging encounter. Maybe that's what I respect most: he offers me a challenge that no other does.

Keep in mind that 'Sociopath' is not synonymous with 'asshole' -- just because we feel no empathy, guilt, or remorse doesn't mean we have to do things that harm others. It may not be a moral code, but perhaps an individualist one: if sociopaths were to lie, cheat, steal from, and screw over everyone they can, in the limiting case they'd be screwing themselves over as well. Manipulation and power require those on which to exert those forces.

I'll tell you what I think of the qualities you listed:

Charismatic -- more likely to hold my interest.

Adaptability, can gain trust -- don't care. Adaptability goes one of two ways: you're either easy to press into a role I want you to take, or you're more difficult to manipulate.

Money -- something I'll benefit from. Not something I respect.

Intelligent -- not likely. Something I'd respect if you were. It makes you a more difficult person to bend.

Rational -- if you have to qualify this with a "when I'm not emotional" you're not rational. Rationalize yourself out of BPD.

Beautiful -- never a bad thing. 

Good in bed -- ditto. 

Reflect well on his reputation, loyal -- good for his image, worth considering.

Challenging -- doubtful. I would respect this. A lot would probably be annoyed by it and just leave. But here's why I doubt you challenge him: you're submissive. You're here extolling your virtues, which are oriented around pleasing him and ignoring that he contributes nothing to your relationship. If you respected yourself, you'd leave, knowing that he can't give you what you really want. But you won't, because you're wrapped up in emotions ranging from fear of being alone to some altruistic desire to 'fix' him and a belief that you might be the one who's different, the one who can change him.

Grow a spine. If he doesn't respect you and can't love you, leave. As someone else mentioned, people with BPD tendencies are for whatever reason attracted to psychopaths and narcissists. Be aware enough to recognize that it won't end well.

Posts: 10218
I'm something like borderline and he's something like a socio!

"If you truly are an empath (that term isn't commonly accepted among psychologists), you're able to discern others' true intentions and motives even when they're lying, at least most of the time."

Non-empathic types can do it too.

Ever read up on micro-expressions?

Posts: 75
I'm something like borderline and he's something like a socio!

 

by Turncoat

"If you truly are an empath (that term isn't commonly accepted among psychologists), you're able to discern others' true intentions and motives even when they're lying, at least most of the time."

Non-empathic types can do it too.

Ever read up on micro-expressions?

Do you ever try to make some believe that you are lying, for the fun of it? I swear that he will purposefully touch his nose at times...once when I knew he was telling a true story he was looking to the right...and then he began  looking to the left. It's distracting! How can you notice micro expressions when someone is giving mixed signals? And isn't it true that you are able to believe your own lies?

Posts: 105
I'm something like borderline and he's something like a socio!

People who know the micro expressions of lying, can often fake it. 

And how exactly are you "like" a borderline? 

 

Posts: 75
I'm something like borderline and he's something like a socio!

 

I have a history of poor impulse control. I stole as a child and during my teen years. Little things from people, like make up or clothes. I would shop lift. I would take things from my mom without permission.I could never respect her boundaries. Our relationship was very codependent. I also had no relationship with my father or brother. In constant search of male attention, I became very vain and used my sexuality to attract men. I liked to play the victim to  get them to take care of me. I suffered from an eating disorder for 6 years.  I went though phases of depression, cutting and substance abuse. I'm a perfectionist.

 

Im more self aware, desciplined and more capable of regulating my emotions now. I have found healthy, creative outlets to express myself. I've become better at allowing myself to feel pain rather than distract or dissociate from it. 

 

I experienced 'trauma bonding' and a few weeks of PTSD symptoms, towards the beginning of the relationship. I have a deep need for control. 

The extreme stress and anxiety that I have felt with him have proven difficult to deal with in a healthy way. I cut myself once, and started fantasising about suicide. Things I have not done for 3 years. I've become bored and frustrated. I've found myself  eating less and I've purged twice within the past week. I maintained healthy eating habits for almost a year and a half, up until now.

Posts: 75
I'm something like borderline and he's something like a socio!

I just took an online test and scored 23. 'likely' borderline. If I were to have taken it 2 years ago, I would have scored much higher. Conversely, if I had taken it while single, 6 months ago, I may have gotten 'unlikely'. But look...I don't want to be alone! Sometimes I do really want to leave... But I do not handel break ups well! And he is more attentive than any man I have been with. Fuck. I feel bad with him but I may feel worse without him.

Posts: 191
I'm something like borderline and he's something like a socio!

What has this guy actually done that makes you think he's a sociopath?

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