He just ran off. I'd really like to hear his input on this too. Although, he might not be inclined to give it.
Smart guy, but doesn't let anyone know how smart he is. He gave us a glimpse the other day, I thought he might be willing to throw in on this. I'm going to crash. My original recommendation still goes. Get off the stimms and get some Xanax (or whatever you can) and chill for a while.
First of all, I am not even really sure of how many people are on here, and who the fuck knows, maybe I am just typing blindly into the abyss of the deep web. But here's my story, short version, anyhow. I believed that I am a sociopath, past tense. Until recently, yet even more recently, about today, I believe that I am again. I thought I have found love, and experience it, but now I am beginning to see that it was infactuation, limerence, a game. I met
her a while back, when I used to work in a vegas nightclub, and we kicked things off the 3 days before I was suppose to go to jail. I tried to fuck her, because shit, I'm going to jail, (i've known about jail for about 6 weeks), she got too drunk, passed out, so I called a an asian hooker, lol,
You’re an asshole.
she said I was sick because I tried to choke her.
You’re a sadistic asshole.
I laid out a plan while I was driving back to go to jail with a friend,
about how I was going to use this girl and make her fall in love with me because she told me about her abandoning father, and use her for emotional support because my family does not know of my jail sentence.We connected while I was in jail, I played games with her, manipulated the situation, at the time at least, I thought I manipulated the situation. I made her fall in love with me. All this was so I had a good fuck once I left jail, I had a 34 day sentence. However, things took a wrong turn, and immigration tried to deport me, and long story short, she was there for me, and we connected more.
You’re a stupid sadistic asshole
She became more than just a fuck. She fought for me, she came and visited me, she called lawyers and paid for phone time. I was in immigration holdings, and I had no one to talk to, but she spoke with me every night before lockdown. I believed that I fell in love with her. I believed that she changed me, I wanted to change, and I felt love. However, on the day of my release, I wanted to manipulate her emotional strings more, and didn't phone her to let her know that I was going to be released, to keep her emotions high and on edge. I was still fucking with her.
You’re an abusive, stupid, sadistic asshole.
Fast forward some time, we pretty much entangled in a codependent relationship for the last 8 months.
You're a co-dependent, abusive, stupid, sadistic asshole.
I was miserable, I wanted to love her, and I did, I do? I'm not really even sure, but I was miserable. I became incredibly depressed because I wanted to cheat, I wanted to leave her, but most of all, she was incredibly withholding.
You’re a depressed, co-dependent, abusive, stupid, sadistic asshole.
I felt that I didn't control her the way that I wanted to. I felt that she was not within my grasp. She had more power, and it sickened me. I played along and became this person she really loved, I changed so much of my self, and I made her love me more than anyone else she has ever loved. Once that happened, I started to pull away, now I see lol as I type this out.
You’re a controlling, depressed, co-dependent, abusive, stupid, sadistic asshole.
It's not like she's without fault, she has severe issues and battles with depression. I was never able to control her and manipulate her the way I have with other women, I guess that fascinated me. Eventually it got to the point where she tried to kill her self multiple times, and I eventually was able to get away. But I kept fucking her, I kept her crying night after night, much to my glee and satisfaction. I have completely controlled her. By now, I have also
started seeing other women again. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't cheat on her, so I didn't. But we broke up, so I guess it's fine now. But the other day, she didn't do what I wanted her to do. She was too busy partying, I think to numb her self from the pain of losing me, and she didn't come to me when I wanted her to. I didn't even want her that night, I was out with 4 other girls. But when she didn't pick up my calls I completely flipped out. I became completely enrapt in anger and vengeance. When I spoke to her I swore at her, I told her incredibly mean things that I knew would be soul piercing. I wanted her to cry again because she forsakened me.
You’re a melodramatic, controlling, depressed, co-dependent, abusive, stupid sadistic asshole, with an abandonment complex.
But the same thing happened to me before, and believe you me I think I have learned my lesson. I was too mean, I once told another girl I wanted to strangle her daughter and they are pathetic together and I categorically listed every girl I fucked while we were together (to be fair that incident was largely induced by a lot of cocaine). So I told this new girl, the one I have been in love with that she is a whore, she is a coke whore. I know that she
wants nothing more in life than to have a family, to be happy with children. I told her that she is so fucked in the head that when she finds her new beau, he will eventually kill himself and probably her, at which point her children will inevitably become orphans, and it's all her fault. The funny thing is that I know that this is mean, but I can't really feel it. I mean, if someone said that to me I would think it's funny.But nonetheless, I was too mean. She recoiled, and she became numb I believe. Whatever, I can't even remember what happened exactly. But I think she became numb. So on friday she went out again, after a week of supposed fevers and being sick from strep. She partied all day and all night, and lied to me the next day about where she is, I knew because I tracked her with her cellphone's GPS. I thought she was with another man, I can't fucking believe
it, I can't fucking believe that she was over me. I drove to see her eating lunch with whoever the fuck she was with. But I literally became ill. I started to throw up, because I felt abandoned.
You’re a melodramatic, controlling, co-dependent, depressed, abusive, stupid, sadistic stalking asshole, with a major abandonment complex.
What is wrong with me?
Let's see.
You’re a confused, melodramatic, controlling, co-dependent, depressed, abusive, stupid, sadistic stalking asshole, with a major abandonment complex.
Borderline, much? :P
That'll be $259.95. I accept cash, all major credit cards, and personal cheques.
Make it out to "arrogant psycho bitch"- and be sure to add a 15% gratuity, which is not included in my consultation fees.
I expect payment by Friday, or I'll send someone to break your fucking legs.
Have a nice day! :D
by TurncoatJust read the whole thing. I really have nothing better to do right now.
My thoughts?
o You fetishize having power and control. That does not make you sociopathic.
o You view her as a conquest, a "holy land" of sorts, because of the time you invested into her. Why can't you just look for someone more challenging than a hooker to replace her?
o An impact was left on you when you saw she'd fight for you, and now that she's gone you're all butthurt over it. You probably aren't used to people fighting in your stead, and grew attached from an insecurity that others may not ever do the same. Even if not the case, you give her actions a lot of value.
o Wouldn't be affected if someone told you off? You can't even face silent rejection. You'd probably flip out if she had the balls to all of the sudden yell an insult that was tailor made for you.
o Your fixation on this one person is unhealthy. Tracking her movements? Come on man, no one is worth that much. That's the sort of shit stalkers do.
My conclusion: You're not sociopathic, you're emotionally wounded and confused. The more you focus on either winning her back or hurting her, the less you'll be able to emotionally distance yourself from your past.
Do both you and her a favor and move on.
It's funny how crazies can often be the best diagnosticians. Oh, and I agree with all of the above.
You mean about myself?
In person anyway, people like a good listener, so I usually don't have to share too much when they're still strangers. I just say what feel like the right questions, compare it to others I've known that are similar, and then if I feel it's fitting enough, freak them out when I seem to know more about them than what they said.
I usually aim to share enough to make them share more than I gave, attempting to keep it as trivial as possible while making sure what I share is similar to things they already said or are likely to share themselves. By the time they're no longer strangers, it becomes easier to talk about myself.