over
by anastaciaI'm typing a response to this but it's going to be lengthy. Just fyi.
Sure, I have time to kill. My post was a fucking treatise in internet standards. Btw, i hope you handle isn't some kind of throw to twilight fan fiction
Just read the whole thing. I really have nothing better to do right now.
My thoughts?
o You fetishize having power and control. That does not make you sociopathic.
o You view her as a conquest, a "holy land" of sorts, because of the time you invested into her. Why can't you just look for someone more challenging than a hooker to replace her?
o An impact was left on you when you saw she'd fight for you, and now that she's gone you're all butthurt over it. You probably aren't used to people fighting in your stead, and grew attached from an insecurity that others may not ever do the same. Even if not the case, you give her actions a lot of value.
o Wouldn't be affected if someone told you off? You can't even face silent rejection. You'd probably flip out if she had the balls to all of the sudden yell an insult that was tailor made for you.
o Your fixation on this one person is unhealthy. Tracking her movements? Come on man, no one is worth that much. That's the sort of shit stalkers do.
My conclusion: You're not sociopathic, you're emotionally wounded and confused. The more you focus on either winning her back or hurting her, the less you'll be able to emotionally distance yourself from your past.
Do both you and her a favor and move on.
Impressive. We've had a lot of people come by the past few weeks and give us a story or two. None have been this intense. People here are going to find this hard to believe, but I have no idea what to say. I'll need to read it again and then maybe sleep on it, before I offer anything.
The short form of this is that you know the truth already. Read this yourself as from the perspective of a stranger. You may think you felt love from her but you didn't. You felt infatuation as you said, dependency, but most importantly power. When you were trying to be someone you weren't for her, it was disagreeing wth your whole psyche. Your loss of power only pushed you to further manipulate her because it created a challenge you hadn't had before. She fell further and further in love with an idea. An illusion. One you created in order to hurt her. You said you wanted to leave her and cheat, then why continue perpetuating the lie of this person you weren't? That's manipulation.
How could this possibly be love? "I kept fucking her, I kept her crying night after night, much to my glee and satisfaction". I understand that love isn't some Hollywood romance but the entire part of your post involving this one phrase is the exact opposite of love. If you truly loved her you'd let her go because you're killing her. Piece by piece. Brick by brick.
You ask what is wrong with you? You're selfish for one thing. You can control the urge. Just fucking stop already. Does she have to file a restraining order to make you stop? You don't love her. I'm not some antisocial asshole like you said. I was that girl. This is chilling because this, this exactly happened to me: "I'm currently in motion of trying to completely destroy her emotionally by abandoning her, after I make her fall in love with me again. I am going to abandon her and make her feel terrible, just like how I have felt terrible for the last few days, I am going to abandon her just like how her father abandoned her."
You do not care for this girl. You care for yourself. Look at all she has put up with. At this point she doesn't even know any better or see right side up and you threatening to abandon her or truly abandoning her is just incredibly disgusting. If this is the person you want to be and you want to destroy someone, move on and do it with someone else. She's already depressed, has no one, and is desperate for love. She's an easy target now. So let her find someone and start a family and fucking live her life. As long as you're a part of it she will never know peace. If you think you possess love in any way for this girl you'll give her up. It's the greatest thing you could ever do for her.
I don't think my writing was particular conducive to the exact transpirations, but I called a hooker that morning about a year ago because I wanted to have sex with someone before I went to jail, not that i can't find anyone more challenging than a hooker to replace her. And I realize that what I did was incredibly stalkerish. It made me sick. I thought that was why I threw up. But later I realized it was probably because the idea of abandonment was so revolting.
I do fetishize having power and control, but I think that's an inference you made from my story. I didn't say that made me sociopathic, I understand the DSM definitions of ASPD and I went from there.
I do view her as a conquest, I view every woman as a conquest. I am incredibly insecure, and I see every new vagina as proof of my excellence and awesomeness. But I think that's just inherent within all men.
She has yelled insults tailor made at me, so have others, I take it with a smile, but it's the idea that she can live without me that makes me so miserable.
Also, I'm glad to hear your thoughts, but you have to realize, this obsession with this one person is weird as fuck, and definitely new. I didn't used to have this, thus my aforementioned doubts, however, please note that I did go under federal incarceration and had my entire life swept from underneath me. I was in a very dark place and this girl became and symbolized hope. I tried to make it work, and invested a lot.
I hope I'm not sociopathic, cuz there's no cure for sociopathy. I want to be happy, I hope you are right. Also I don't want to win her back, I want her to want me so bad and live the rest of her life pining for me. But you are right, i'm super confused lol.
by TurncoatJust read the whole thing. I really have nothing better to do right now.
My thoughts?
o You fetishize having power and control. That does not make you sociopathic.
o You view her as a conquest, a "holy land" of sorts, because of the time you invested into her. Why can't you just look for someone more challenging than a hooker to replace her?
o An impact was left on you when you saw she'd fight for you, and now that she's gone you're all butthurt over it. You probably aren't used to people fighting in your stead, and grew attached from an insecurity that others may not ever do the same. Whatever the case, you give her actions a lot of value.
o Wouldn't be affected if someone told you off? You can't even face silent rejection. You'd probably flip out if she had the balls to all of the sudden yell an insult that was tailor made for you.
o Your fixation on this one person is unhealthy. Tracking her movements? Come on man, no one is worth that much. That's the sort of shit stalkers do.
My conclusion: You're not sociopathic, you're emotionally wounded and confused. The more you focus on either winning her back or hurting her, the less you'll be able to emotionally distance yourself from your past.
Do both you and her a favor and move on.
Love is passion, and passion can drive people to do insanely hurtful things, in an attempt to even the scales of their own perceptions of pain.
Be careful to not project your own pain into others stories. Remember that we only have his perspective, his word, and his current impressions. He might be weak, with a flair for the dramatic, and a need to impress people in a place like this.
Her side of the story would be very telling.
@fatherlucifer, it's definitely all true. It gets way more intense too, my story goes a lot further, I have done a lot of terrible shit, from tricking girls over craigslist to blow me, much akin to the fictionalized backroomcastingcouch, to prove to my self I can do it and people are that stupid, to leaving multiple women stranded naked in various locales. It's a real pleasure saying these things out loud, I really like it.
by FatherLuciferImpressive. We've had a lot of people come by the past few weeks and give us a story or two. None have been this intense. People here are going to find this hard to believe, but I have no idea what to say. I'll need to read it again and then maybe sleep on it, before I offer anything.