Sociopath Community

 @anastacia IDK who this Ryan cat is, but if he did whatever he did to you, I think we can prolly be good friends. But yeah, I agree with you. I don't really think I love her, but I do care and I don't want to hurt her as reciprocation of the kindness she has shone me. But the only peace and solace that I have found in the last few days was the moments after speaking with her and manipulating her, unwillingly, on my part btw. I don't want to fuck with her at all. I want to forget about her. But I am currently unable to leave my house because I am studying for Law school, and I can't really busy my self with other women and things. so I am stuck, sitting at my desk, with these thoughts and her going through my head constantly. I don't want to break her heart again, I know I should leave her alone, but I CAN'T FUCKING CONTROL MY URGES!!!!

by anastacia

 

 The short form of this is that you know the truth already. Read this yourself as from the perspective of a stranger. You may think you felt love from her but you didn't. You felt infatuation as you said, dependency, but most importantly power. When you were trying to be someone you weren't for her, it was disagreeing wth your whole psyche. Your loss of power only pushed you to further manipulate her because it created a challenge you hadn't had before. She fell further and further in love with an idea. An illusion. One you created in order to hurt her. You said you wanted to leave her and cheat, then why continue perpetuating the lie of this person you weren't? That's manipulation.

How could this possibly be love? "I kept fucking her, I kept her crying night after night, much to my glee and satisfaction". I understand that love isn't some Hollywood romance but the entire part of your post involving this one phrase is the exact opposite of love. If you truly loved her you'd let her go because you're killing her. Piece by piece. Brick by brick.

You ask what is wrong with you? You're selfish for one thing. You can control the urge. Just fucking stop already. Does she have to file a restraining order to make you stop? You don't love her. I'm not some antisocial asshole like you said. I was that girl. This is chilling because this, this exactly happened to me: "I'm currently in motion of trying to completely destroy her emotionally by abandoning her, after I make her fall in love with me again. I am going to abandon her and make her feel terrible, just like how I have felt terrible for the last few days, I am going to abandon her just like how her father abandoned her."

You do not care for this girl. You care for yourself. Look at all she has put up with. At this point she doesn't even know any better or see right side up and you threatening to abandon her or truly abandoning her is just incredibly disgusting. If this is the person you want to be and you want to destroy someone, move on and do it with someone else. She's already depressed, has no one, and is desperate for love. She's an easy target now. So let her find someone and start a family and fucking live her life. As long as you're a part of it she will never know peace. If you think you possess love in any way for this girl you'll give her up. It's the greatest thing you could ever do for her.

 

 I don't think this was written to impress us. This was written out of desperation. We know the fakers, I play with them, but I think this is genuine or as genuine as he can give us.

"I do fetishize having power and control, but I think that's an inference you made from my story."

It's an assumption that's easy for me to make when I fetishize the opposite side of it. More often than not people on either side of the spectrum usually fit some psychiatric label, but it's not really as telling of which one as you'd think.

"But I think that's just inherent within all men."

Not the case for me, but then again online I apparently come off as a woman.

"but it's the idea that she can live without me that makes me so miserable."

I... know that pain very well.

Edit: "I don't think this was written to impress us. This was written out of desperation. We know the fakers, I play with them, but I think this is genuine or as genuine as he can give us."

You're probably right, but we just met the guy. It could be any number of things.

His penchant toward phrases like "with a smile" at least shows something.

I did throw up, I'm sorry, but you don't make any sense

 If he's exaggerating or just trying to impress people then it doesn't change how I feel. If it's not who he is then it's the person he wishes he was. Regardless of that at the end of the day his main focus is still how to retain her and how to make himself more appealing to others in order to continue this cycle of abuse. 

 I like you fatherlucifer. You are so right. I'm not trying to fucking impress anyone over the goddamn internet, lol, what fucking benefit would I possibly gain from that??? lol, i have 25 new MOMPOV videos I can go jerk off to or watch some more netflix. But you are right, this is 100% genuine, albeit from my perspective, with my feelings. She is no pure victim, by far the most formidabble girl I have ever met. 

 Can you get your hands on some Xanax or maybe something that will knock yourself out for about twelve hours. You need to separate yourself from this for a while. You need to come down off the obsessive thinking. Just shut it down. Shut it all down.

well yeah, with a smile does make it seem a bit fake huh. I do have a flair for the dramatic, and I figured that anyone who's home reading my story on a website called sociopathworld would probably enjoy some entertainment from the story. But I assure you, it's all true, and I am desperate. I want help, and some rational mirroring of thoughts. I want to reflect, and figure this shit out.

Oh, I never said he wasn't following some sort of abuse cycle, but to put yourself into his stories could end up concealing what motives are between the lines.

It also reveals your own vulnerabilities, which, in a place like this...

 I edited my post. 

"the only peace and solace that I have found in the last few days was the moments after speaking with her and manipulating her, unwillingly, on my part btw"

Unwillingly? How did you unwillingly speak to her and manipulate her if you know you can't control yourself around her? If you were an alcoholic would you just sit in a bathtub of gin and try to not swallow? You have to take control of yourself. You contradict your own account over and over by saying you don't want to fuck with her and then how do you keep her etc etc. You say you don't want to break her heart again when you just said you want to make her love you more than ever before then abandon her entirely. 

There are other issues here besides what I'm illustrating. You have some serious substance abuse issues as well. If you're really studying for law school or whatever then before anything goes forward you need to get yourself cleaned up. Right now you're avoiding taking care of yourself by focusing on her.