I was beat as a child with flimsy "this hurts me more than you" and "so you learn to respect." And also "I'm drunk and you remind me of your father/mother/ a random thing."
And I think I came out pretty well adjusted. I mean I have anger issues, I want to kill myself all the time and unable to regulate my emotions.
I was beat as a child with flimsy "this hurts me more than you" and "so you learn to respect." And also "I'm drunk and you remind me of your father/mother/ a random thing."
And I think I came out pretty well adjusted. I mean I have anger issues, I want to kill myself all the time and unable to regulate my emotions.
Well, if it means anything, you're the perfect woman for me. I love beating women and making them feel worthless.
I was beat as a child with flimsy "this hurts me more than you" and "so you learn to respect." And also "I'm drunk and you remind me of your father/mother/ a random thing."
And I think I came out pretty well adjusted. I mean I have anger issues, I want to kill myself all the time and unable to regulate my emotions.
Well, if it means anything, you're the perfect woman for me. I love beating women and making them feel worthless.
I don't need a man to beat me and make me feel worthless I already do that myself
I was beat as a child with flimsy "this hurts me more than you" and "so you learn to respect." And also "I'm drunk and you remind me of your father/mother/ a random thing."
And I think I came out pretty well adjusted. I mean I have anger issues, I want to kill myself all the time and unable to regulate my emotions.
Well, if it means anything, you're the perfect woman for me. I love beating women and making them feel worthless.
I don't need a man to beat me and make me feel worthless I already do that myself
You're obviously not being beaten and feeling worthless enough if u can make a reply like this
No, my parents handled bad behavior with non-violent punishments and heartfelt conversations
To be fair, Ryan Reynolds had his twin brother to keep him in line:
I was beat as a child with flimsy "this hurts me more than you" and "so you learn to respect." And also "I'm drunk and you remind me of your father/mother/ a random thing."
Do you ever find yourself doing things that fall into "this hurts me more than you" and "so you learn to respect"?
I was beat as a child with flimsy "this hurts me more than you" and "so you learn to respect." And also "I'm drunk and you remind me of your father/mother/ a random thing."
Do you ever find yourself doing things that fall into "this hurts me more than you" and "so you learn to respect"?
Yep, yep, fuck yep.
I’ve experienced a lot of physical abuse.
I didn’t want to accept that it impacted me as a young person...
I have a hard time talking about this without dissociating. I’ve been avoiding this thread for days but I decided to finally reply to it.
I just can’t really talk about it. It’s hard.
It def did impact my life, and me as a person.
I’m a lot more empathetic toward people who’ve gone through traumatic things, I’m often there for people who have been through/are going through tough shit because of it.
There was a total metamorphosis that I had to experience in order to just even begin to become a whole human being again because for a long time I was robbed of the ability to feel or to be in touch with a genuine sense of identity.
I never had the chance to develop my own opinions. I was really mentally unhealthy. And balance, and normalcy was something I had to learn manually rather than these things appearing naturally for me. Had to be a conscious effort to, completely 180 my mind... and my life and repair it from what it was to what it is now.
There was a phase where I had to accept personal responsibility, but that came long after first having to accept that what happened to me was even wrong, and that it also, wasn’t my fault- I didn’t deserve it. I was told it initially around age 16, but it didn’t fully register until I was 20.
There was an untangling process from the bad habits, bad mental thought patterns, brain washing in a sense that existed because of the abuse I lived in. And, then I also had to deprogram, the long term effects of PTSD with specialized therapy. Years of it.
Because it’s quite complex the impact it can have as a person. I see them now as categorized isolated issues to work on. And they are addressed with action. Meaning, it’s work. Personal work you have to do, no one can do it for you.
To say that the spankings as a child impacted me, I don’t know. I had a lot else going on than just spankings I guess. It made me extremely reserved, stifling my personality and, wasting energy on nervous habits, that grew into full blown neurosis, and later, anxiety and full scale panic attacks.
I had to learn how to talk, how to communicate normally. Because I was so shuttered in, I sort of just forgot how to talk in public settings. I couldn’t find the words. People said I was quiet and urged me to speak, but I just didn’t think in sentences structured enough to express. I was so used to keeping to myself I didn’t see it as unusual but, I was very shut off.
That guardedness only worsened with age and then just became a wall I had to breakdown, once again, in my 20’s.
When I was 18,19 I was too busy recklessly endangering my life and even attempted suicide once, because I was just really confused and lost in everything I was experiencing mentally. I had not gotten proper treatment yet at all, and was still experiencing the effects of complex PTSD at full volume. One symptom I will make note of, was the feeling that I would not live past the age of 18. Difficult to explain, but, it’s common in children who grow up with trauma. I believe this led me to my more reckless life style at this time. I had life, I didn’t want to live it, so what do you do with that? You try to escape, numb, forget, run. By whatever readily available means.
When I was 10 was when the neurosis settled in, a life threatening eating disorder that wound me up hospitalized in cardiac arrest by the age of 12. Unfortunately at this time I did get a taste of death, and it really fucked me up, and this is where my spiral into depression sort of began. I was faced with too large of questions with no answers, and my young mind didn’t know how to cope with something so strange as dying, and then not, dying.
It really put things into a perspective that was way out of left field for me up until that point, and it made me feel like an outside witness to life and myself, like, I was always far away.
The depression that spiraled and worsened through my teens to my early 20’s, coupled with the complex ptsd symptoms i mentioned of my 18-19 age life, I believe is what ultimately contributed to the reckless life style I was talking about and the suicide attempt, the first one anyway.
Though I was started to get stuff when I hit 20, it was a learning process and a healing process that was extremely rough, rough, rough. And with my diagnosis, it was like climbing down a ladder to return to myself, or what we call “better”
Unfortunately I waited to begin that whole, journey so for a few years I sort of just went through the pure hell of, not dealing with my issues and instead suffering from them. And then something happened I couldn’t of predicted, a mental spiraling, after anxiety and panic attacks, and dissociative symptoms were introduced to the concauction of depression and c-ptsd, it was really just what sank me.
I was also going through a lot of stress at this time. And so I Just had a mental breakdown, that led to suicide. And then I was finally hospitalized and treated, and uh... yeah the journey began to healing for me there. And slowly I assumed more personal responsibility for that journey after getting out of residential treatment and what not and, after three years I am what I consider to be, more recovered.
