Sociopath Community

Sintetika said:

Turncoat said:

The most fun you had in your life involved delusional levels of zeal and running away from it the first chance you got?

That does not sound like the most fun you've ever had. Still, I don't actually know, so I'll ask: What kinds of fun were you having there? What did you do for fun at that point?
Before College, I had never hung out with people much, because of past anxiety and depression.

Have you been diagnosed? You mentioned earlier how you don't believe in that stuff. 

Were you given meds or anything as a child? 

I did DND with people

Oh shit for real? 

Tell me about your characters and their stories, I want to know everything. 

How much have you played, and do you still do it? There is TONS of room for psychology and projection into D20 games, and I've run tons of them (I mean tons of them). This has often served as an aid for me figuring out who people are based on what their characters do once they have the freedom to do "anything", how they cope with investment losses, how much emphasis they put into character design and what parts they focus on, if they lean towards class archetypal themes... there's tons of room to extrapolate ideas about the people playing. 

I can talk about some of mine back if that'd make it easier on you, as that game's been persistently one of my more obsessive hobbies. Even little things like how I almost always wanted to play female characters were the subtle symptoms of greater things. It's a great jumping-off point for figuring deeper motivations, and it's likely one you'd be more comfortable with than just describing yourself plainly. 

I'm in an online campaign right now with some old high school buddies and occasional pop ins from other friends of mine. If you'd like to be a potential player for it at any point just let me know and I'll relay the status. 

As for wanting to speak with me while I'm in the military, probably not. My goal is to leave all this behind. Maybe, I'll appear, maybe not.

That's a shame. A few people here have enlistment experience, and one of them was even messaging this place from where he was stationed. It not only yielded a lot of detail about the experiences, but themselves as well. 

I also if you end up "not into it" down the line, I'm in suspense over how you'll handle it. 

Turncoat said:

You'd be advancing yourself towards an easier means of making bank, and then those funds could be further use to push your goals.

Dolla' Dolla' Bills gets shit done. I know to you in many respects it's the tool of the enemy, but there is a certain beauty in using an enemy's own weapons against them when contributing towards their destruction.

 I'm aware that funding could be nice, but I have the group I work with, and the task I was given, I'm not backing out now. 

Turncoat said:

You're really lost on the word "path"... it's like the backbone of your rationale's codex, and I think your overuse of it conceptually might serve to hold you back more than give you clarity.

You need a backup plan for if this doesn't work out for you, as life's not just one path, it's many potential paths, and many of them have the means of spiraling back towards where you were aiming to go in the first place. You're liable to self destruct if you see yourself as a failure if you hold yourself towards figuring things can only be done one way.

Being adaptable instead of rigidly pre-defined is how to survive in this modern world. The specific craft isn't shit anymore without eight years of schooling.

 I'm aware that's the way to survive said world. Military life is the one that sounds the most pleasing to me. If I self-destruct so be it. 

Turncoat said:

What changed? You've given me "Point A" and "Point G" without B through F. Changes don't just happen on a whim like that, something had to have budged you.

It's never as simple as "I just did it", there are root causes here you're choosing to ignore for the sake of your ego equilibrium. Something motivated you, and odds are more in favor of it being post-rationale than an actual chosen life direction, especially based on how unplanned you make a lot of your "path" sound and based on how much you appear to not know yourself almost at all.

How can you even know you just "decided" to do it if you don't even know yourself?

 I was going to enter college because of a deal with my family right, I was originally planning on national guard, in college, I was talking to my leader, we spoke back and forth on ideas. I realized my aspirations weren't in the realm of college. I realized it wasn't computer science. After that, I was trying to think of what to do next. I knew that I was already impatient at the injustice that I see in the world. So then because of the conversations with my leader, he let me in on a plan, and I am now apart of said plan. 

Turncoat said:

So your grade reductions were actually failing instead of just low marks?

 I failed when I skipped most of my finals. Before that I was trying to do good.

Turncoat said:

How lazy would you say you are overall?

 A lot, but I don't consider that inherently ingrained in me. When I do find something that motivates me, I'd say I work hard towards it. I just need to work on killing the roots of my laziness i.e. my addictions towards gaming and such.

Turncoat said:

The temptations came from somewhere, otherwise you'd have been more liable to show these tendencies at a much younger age.

 These tendencies were expressed before college as well, when I was killing mice. 

Turncoat said:

Make sure to thank them for caring for you in what ways they could. Down the line if your paths fail and you need downtime for recovery, they're your safety net in lieu of your ability to make plans otherwise.

What sorts of raising style did your folks employ?

 I don't know what sort of raising style they employed. My view of my family ranges from indifference to hatred. I consider them an annoyance. I guess if you're wanting to paint some form of escapism or fleeing, you could do it with my family, as I've had thoughts of killing them before. On a personality level, I don't find much in comparison with them, I feel like I was born in the wrong family. I can get with them on some level at times, but overall, they are an obstacle to me.

Turncoat said:

 The more I read your material, the more you strike me as a quitter who sets broad goals ahead of yourself to justify current failures.

You're living somewhat in a dream like this and are liable to get very little done. 

 I had these same idealization before I went to college, I find a way to put it into action. Call me a quitter if you wish, I'd disagree.

Turncoat said:

So you got bored with the path you were on and defaulted on an older one you weren't able to fully flesh out otherwise, basically picking "Your Dreams" over "Your Room For Success"? Chasing dreams doesn't tend to go like it does on TV. It's better to have a way of funding your goals while treating said funding as supplementary instead of primary towards your existence.

If I worked for a month to afford texts like "The Anarchist's Cookbook" for instance, that's practical.

How long'd you mull over it once the going got too tough for your sense of fun and whimsy to appreciate?

 I didn't quit college of boredom, this depiction of boredom isn't the case. I don't know how else to describe this to you. 

I would've defaulted the path I was going on anyway, even after college. I just didn't want to wait. I had thoughts of military after college. Military as a means of experience. I never had an intention of lasting long in a civilian life. 

Call this "chasing dreams" if you want. I was given a mission, a task to complete, that is my purpose. If I wasn't on this direction of life, I would have either shot myself or gotten arrested by now. 

My task doesn't involve fun, I don't see this as entirely fun, exciting new adventure like in TV or media, I'm not depicting myself as some hero that saves humanity. I am following the task I was given, if I fail, then I failed. If I do fail, then if I'm not given a new task, then I'd commit suicide maybe. 

Turncoat said:

Have you been diagnosed? You mentioned earlier how you don't believe in that stuff.

Were you given meds or anything as a child?

 I don't believe in self-diagnosis, I don't believe in astrology. No, I was not given meds. I went to a psychiatric evaluation because I joked about shooting up the school my freshman year of high school, it got around as a rumor. I lied about it because I felt guilt and didn't want to face it, and so at the end of the evaluation. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with mild depression, and possible mild aspergers. I use anxiety not entirely as a diagnosis but just a general explanation of fear of social interacting. As I found it hard to do so, and I was nervous. I would become uncomfortable trying to. 

Turncoat said:

Oh shit for real? Posted Image

Tell me about your characters and their stories, I want to know everything.

How much have you played, and do you still do it? There is TONS of room for psychology and projection into D20 games, and I've run tons of them (I mean tons of them). This has often served as an aid for me figuring out who people are based on what their characters do once they have the freedom to do "anything", how they cope with investment losses, how much emphasis they put into character design and what parts they focus on, if they lean towards class archetypal themes... there's tons of room to extrapolate ideas about the people playing.

I can talk about some of mine back if that'd make it easier on you, as that game's been persistently one of my more obsessive hobbies. Even little things like how I almost always wanted to play female characters were the subtle symptoms of greater things. It's a great jumping-off point for figuring deeper motivations, and it's likely one you'd be more comfortable with than just describing yourself plainly.

I'm in an online campaign right now with some old high school buddies and occasional pop ins from other friends of mine. If you'd like to be a potential player for it at any point just let me know and I'll relay the status.

 Please no. I'm already explaining enough. I'll give you a brief explanation of my character. A stereotypical Russian who was a monk and drank a lot and had a silly personality. I would rip out people's spines. 

No. I definitely do not want to join a campaign any time soon. I need to focus on better things.

Turncoat said:

That's a shame. A few people here have enlistment experience, and one of them was even messaging this place from where he was stationed. It not only yielded a lot of detail about the experiences, but themselves as well.

I also if you end up "not into it" down the line, I'm in suspense over how you'll handle it.

 Maybe your suspense and thirst for knowledge will lead to your aggravation and thus my gain. 

Sintetika said: 

I'm aware that funding could be nice, but I have the group I work with, and the task I was given, I'm not backing out now.

What are their funds like? Most groups are pretty limited for resources unless there's a financial backer hiding in there somewhere, and I feel like your group's on the smaller more gorilla side.

I'm aware that's the way to survive said world. Military life is the one that sounds the most pleasing to me. If I self-destruct so be it.

So is it more about you getting the necessary training to be "all that you can be", or are you like... gathering intel or some shit?

It seems like a frivolous waste of time if you ask me. You're worth more than what another person tells you to do. You aren't just a gun, you're the one holding it, and that means you cannot just be ignoring yourself or you will be little more than just a tool.

Do you respect a tool? I find them predictably mundane through how much they choose not to think, much like a kitchen knife.

I was going to enter college because of a deal with my family right, I was originally planning on national guard, in college, I was talking to my leader, we spoke back and forth on ideas. I realized my aspirations weren't in the realm of college. I realized it wasn't computer science. After that, I was trying to think of what to do next. I knew that I was already impatient at the injustice that I see in the world. So then because of the conversations with my leader, he let me in on a plan, and I am now apart of said plan.

What to you makes a person worth following?

I am also by my very nature inherently a follower... but I'm very very picky about who I follow in that they have to earn it.

I failed when I skipped most of my finals. Before that I was trying to do good.

Oh... that's, usually the more troubling one.

Turncoat said:

How lazy would you say you are overall?

A lot, but I don't consider that inherently ingrained in me. When I do find something that motivates me, I'd say I work hard towards it. I just need to work on killing the roots of my laziness i.e. my addictions towards gaming and such.

How many things motivate you other than philosophy?

I don't know what sort of raising style they employed. My view of my family ranges from indifference to hatred. I consider them an annoyance. I guess if you're wanting to paint some form of escapism or fleeing, you could do it with my family, as I've had thoughts of killing them before.

What? But they're trying to help you.

How could you view them that way? Did they do anything to warrant such arrogance and spite as you were growing up?

On a personality level, I don't find much in comparison with them, I feel like I was born in the wrong family.

How successful are they in their own fields? Are they flawed generally as people or are they just mundane and annoying to you by the principle of you being a child with them as your parents?

I can get with them on some level at times, but overall, they are an obstacle to me. 

How much of your first semester was paid for by them versus yourself?

Turncoat said:

 The more I read your material, the more you strike me as a quitter who sets broad goals ahead of yourself to justify current failures.

You're living somewhat in a dream like this and are liable to get very little done. 

I had these same idealization before I went to college, I find a way to put it into action. Call me a quitter if you wish, I'd disagree.

The actions you find yourself falling into are how you justify quitting through establishing other things as "more important".

A person can be a do-er and still be running from themselves, in fact, they tend to be do-ers more often than not to offer themselves distractions from their own inherent discomforts.

Turncoat said:

So you got bored with the path you were on and defaulted on an older one you weren't able to fully flesh out otherwise, basically picking "Your Dreams" over "Your Room For Success"? Chasing dreams doesn't tend to go like it does on TV. It's better to have a way of funding your goals while treating said funding as supplementary instead of primary towards your existence.

If I worked for a month to afford texts like "The Anarchist's Cookbook" for instance, that's practical.

How long'd you mull over it once the going got too tough for your sense of fun and whimsy to appreciate?

I didn't quit college of boredom, this depiction of boredom isn't the case. I don't know how else to describe this to you. 

It "wasn't for you" and you desired something not more relevant purely, but also more exciting.

You could be taking mundane paths to easily get bank towards your greater goals. I mean that and learning to live off of less has been my... "path".

I would've defaulted the path I was going on anyway, even after college. I just didn't want to wait. I had thoughts of military after college. Military as a means of experience. I never had an intention of lasting long in a civilian life. 

When did a military career kick in as something you wanted to do?There's lots of things that grant you years of experience.

What kinds of video games did/do you play? I'm wondering if you have room for idealist modeling off of proxying onto story characters.

Call this "chasing dreams" if you want. I was given a mission, a task to complete, that is my purpose. If I wasn't on this direction of life, I would have either shot myself or gotten arrested by now. 

See this reads as the stages preceding call for help signs and symptoms.You don't sound well, you're on this black & white binary appraisal of how to run your own life. We can't predict where any of this is going and killing yourself is wasteful.

You could still uphold your political ideologies without being a mindless tool for another "leader"s agenda, a peon of another's order that's no different from most jar-headed preferences towards "not asking questions" and other equally retarded paths.

I'd say you're just wasting your potential. You're smart, but you need more Wisdom before you venture throwing your life into causes. With how few questions you ask there's nothing stopping you from being duped into accomplishing an agenda you don't even agree with, forced to only recognize your error in the aftermath should you survive it.

I understand a willingness to throw your life away, but doing it for another means it's in their name, not yours. If I'm to go out with a bang, I'd rather it mean something personal to me on a deeply specific level, not just some who-cares political agendas that are liable to not pan out in another's name.

You don't even know if you are really serving your own aims, just that you've been sucked into someone else's honeyed words. This. Is. How. Cultists. Happen.

My task doesn't involve fun, I don't see this as entirely fun, exciting new adventure like in TV or media, I'm not depicting myself as some hero that saves humanity. I am following the task I was given, if I fail, then I failed. If I do fail, then if I'm not given a new task, then I'd commit suicide maybe.

It's about fun or you'd not escalate as far as killing yourself or leaving things when they prove to not hold you for long enough. 

If you were to compare yourself to a cultist, what would you say is largely the same versus different between the two? You seem like you're well on your way towards it...

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

Have you been diagnosed? You mentioned earlier how you don't believe in that stuff.

Were you given meds or anything as a child?

I don't believe in self-diagnosis,

Have you come to any theories, or are you simply using that to justify your lack of trying to understand yourself in favor of "easier things"? 

I don't believe in astrology.

Have you explored it, or is it sort of like Psychology where, from a lack of depth in the understanding and from it not being any fun for you that you just gave up on it? 

I'm not asking you to really jump into it yourself, but I am curious about your "I don't believe in" rhetoric generally. 

No, I was not given meds. I went to a psychiatric evaluation because I joked about shooting up the school my freshman year of high school, it got around as a rumor. I lied about it because I felt guilt and didn't want to face it, and so at the end of the evaluation. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with mild depression, and possible mild aspergers. I use anxiety not entirely as a diagnosis but just a general explanation of fear of social interacting. As I found it hard to do so, and I was nervous. I would become uncomfortable trying to. 

Are you sure your "I lied about it" isn't post-rationale, the easier answer to face when compared to you otherwise approaching a breaking point otherwise? Others may have seen more readily out of you than you did yourself (you don't focus on yourself so it'd be very easy for you to miss it imo). 

Turncoat said:

Oh shit for real? Posted Image

Tell me about your characters and their stories, I want to know everything.

How much have you played, and do you still do it? There is TONS of room for psychology and projection into D20 games, and I've run tons of them (I mean tons of them). This has often served as an aid for me figuring out who people are based on what their characters do once they have the freedom to do "anything", how they cope with investment losses, how much emphasis they put into character design and what parts they focus on, if they lean towards class archetypal themes... there's tons of room to extrapolate ideas about the people playing.

I can talk about some of mine back if that'd make it easier on you, as that game's been persistently one of my more obsessive hobbies. Even little things like how I almost always wanted to play female characters were the subtle symptoms of greater things. It's a great jumping-off point for figuring deeper motivations, and it's likely one you'd be more comfortable with than just describing yourself plainly.

I'm in an online campaign right now with some old high school buddies and occasional pop ins from other friends of mine. If you'd like to be a potential player for it at any point just let me know and I'll relay the status.

Please no. I'm already explaining enough. I'll give you a brief explanation of my character. A stereotypical Russian who was a monk and drank a lot and had a silly personality. I would rip out people's spines. 

So you've only played one character? Did you have someone helping you build him or did you make him yourself? 

Did you do it with critical hits or grapples or what? How were you grabbing spines out of backs in the D&D system? I assume you must have had a fairly relaxed DM, which is a good way to start out. 

No. I definitely do not want to join a campaign any time soon. I need to focus on better things.

You need to let yourself take breaks though, to rebuild yourself and be more efficient when the times matter. To indulge in fun and hobbies is how to balance your mental and physical well being. 

Still, you reminded me right now of a clip I've linked a few people on here now: 



He's referring to the Belief Bias, the next illogical step after Cherry Picking. 



This is him saying it's worth taking a break, especially if you're skilled. 

Turncoat said:

That's a shame. A few people here have enlistment experience, and one of them was even messaging this place from where he was stationed. It not only yielded a lot of detail about the experiences, but themselves as well.

I also if you end up "not into it" down the line, I'm in suspense over how you'll handle it.

 Maybe your suspense and thirst for knowledge will lead to your aggravation and thus my gain. 

Mm, so that's how you play the game then~? 

Honestly man, Alan Watts has already been a big recommendation...

...but at this point I think you'd benefit from looking at how cults and the cult mindset works. If you want any materials on it I can likely scrounge some up, as I study it as a side-tangent hobby for my interest in Psychology as a whole. 

If the brain can be rewired and short circuited based on pre-existing heuristic interactions with purposefully manipulative stimulus, then we need to know how that works not for the sake of doing it to others... but how to recognize it in ourselves, our friends, and our family. I want to understand it, for it's inherently Behaviorist in nature, as Behaviorism is the one true Psych worth taking seriously. 

Look into people who've escaped, they might be more relateable. Otherwise the tactics themselves are present within many formats, The Military Included. 

Turncoat said:

What are their funds like? Most groups are pretty limited for resources unless there's a financial backer hiding in there somewhere, and I feel like your group's on the smaller more gorilla side.

Can't disclose that.

 

Turncoat said:

So is it more about you getting the necessary training to be "all that you can be", or are you like... gathering intel or some shit?

It seems like a frivolous waste of time if you ask me. You're worth more than what another person tells you to do. You aren't just a gun, you're the one holding it, and that means you cannot just be ignoring yourself or you will be little more than just a tool.

Do you respect a tool? I find them predictably mundane through how much they choose not to think, much like a kitchen knife.

 Can't comment on the first sentence. As I said, not allowed to elaborate. 

It's not about what they're telling me to do, I have my trust in them, they are like a brother in arms, and we both have similar goals in life. 

Depends on the tool, if it were a gun, I think I'd have sentimental value with a gun I've used and became familiar with. 

Turncoat said:

What to you makes a person worth following?

I am also by my very nature inherently a follower... but I'm very very picky about who I follow in that they have to earn it.

If I put my trust in them, and believe in them, and they have qualities about them that I can follow, and if we have similar goals and interests. I think I could become a leader, I just need to test that through life. 

Turncoat said:

How many things motivate you other than philosophy?

 Not really sure, my beliefs are the what I consider to my core, but you disagree with that. I guess if it interests me? I do like working out, I find it great. I just need to do it more.

Turncoat said:

What? But they're trying to help you.

How could you view them that way? Did they do anything to warrant such arrogance and spite as you were growing up?

 If by help you mean go against my wishes, try to control my life, they don't ever want me to move out far, and they want me to take care of my mentally disabled sister when my mom dies. I just don't get along with them. I don't connect with them, they way they act, the way they are, it's obnoxious.

Turncoat said:

How successful are they in their own fields? Are they flawed generally as people or are they just mundane and annoying to you by the principle of you being a child with them as your parents?

 My grandma currently has no job as my great aunt's restaurant is closed down because the flood. My mom just got a job at the post office in the town over. My aunt works at a hospital as a receptionist if I recall. My brother works as a mechanic, my other brother does railways I think, but he's an alcoholic. 

Their humor, the things they enjoy, it doesn't connect with me, and whenever I used to try to talk about the stuff I liked, they would tell me to shut up because they think I was trying to make fun of them because I "sounded too smart" 

Turncoat said:

How much of your first semester was paid for by them versus yourself?

 Sure my family pays for it, they provided me with this life, I am grateful for that, in terms of college. I didn't want to go, but at the time I was 17 turning 18. They hold anti-military sentiments, regardless. I went a semester for them. I didn't want to, I tried to convince them, but they heavily insisted on going and trying it out. 

Turncoat said:

It "wasn't for you" and you desired something not more relevant purely, but also more exciting.

You could be taking mundane paths to easily get bank towards your greater goals. I mean that and learning to live off of less has been my... "path".

 I didn't want to wait 4 years to get a degree, I shifted from wanting a college degree and a job, to being more action orientated. 

Turncoat said:

When did a military career kick in as something you wanted to do?There's lots of things that grant you years of experience.

What kinds of video games did/do you play? I'm wondering if you have room for idealist modeling off of proxying onto story characters.

 I play strategy games and military based games. Hearts of Iron IV, Stellaris, CS:GO, Verdun, Tannenberg, need I list more? I don't think there's any fictional characters I base myself off of. 

Turncoat said:

See this reads as the stages preceding call for help signs and symptoms.You don't sound well, you're on this black & white binary appraisal of how to run your own life. We can't predict where any of this is going and killing yourself is wasteful.

You could still uphold your political ideologies without being a mindless tool for another "leader"s agenda, a peon of another's order that's no different from most jar-headed preferences towards "not asking questions" and other equally retarded paths.

I'd say you're just wasting your potential. You're smart, but you need more Wisdom before you venture throwing your life into causes. With how few questions you ask there's nothing stopping you from being duped into accomplishing an agenda you don't even agree with, forced to only recognize your error in the aftermath should you survive it.

I understand a willingness to throw your life away, but doing it for another means it's in their name, not yours. If I'm to go out with a bang, I'd rather it mean something personal to me on a deeply specific level, not just some who-cares political agendas that are liable to not pan out in another's name.

You don't even know if you are really serving your own aims, just that you've been sucked into someone else's honeyed words. This. Is. How. Cultists. Happen.

 I can uphold my political beliefs without being a mindless bot. I don't consider myself a mindless bot. The thing is, regardless of a group or not, I would still go into the military for experience. If I wanted to die somewhere, it'd be in a war. I've had an interest in militaries, in military history, for a while now, my game developer aspiration shifted into a more physical based, military career. Even if said career's end goal is revolution. 

Look, I don't know where you want me to start in going deep into myself, to try to make you understand. I'm not going to go into my group, my task, and that which is ahead of me. If you want honesty, I do have some distrust in the plan the leader has given me, I have my concerns over it, alright? I don't see any other god damn way because there isn't. There is only military life from here on out, and I'm fine with that, the problem is I might lose contact and then I would've signed myself up to possibly die for what I definitively didn't want to serve. There are other factors in life that prevent me from changing this course of action. If I weren't on it, I would probably break because I can't picture the dread of civilian life, I can't picture facing my family when I changed my mind and then fucked over the chances for college.

That isn't to say, I don't want this. I most certainly do. It's the closest shot I got to a new slate and new life. I'm not mindlessly believing in Marxism. It's my world view, it's how I analyze the world. It just is. I look at the world through Dialectical Materialism, or at least I try my very best to.

Also check Manson for his genius cult practices, and keep note of when they "don't want you to have contact with the outside world", as that's Gaslighting 101. 

Turncoat said:

It's about fun or you'd not escalate as far as killing yourself or leaving things when they prove to not hold you for long enough.


If you were to compare yourself to a cultist, what would you say is largely the same versus different between the two? You seem like you're well on your way towards it...

 I don't see myself as a cultist. I am contributing my part to a group I am in that seeks the similar goals I do. I CANNOT GO INTO THE DETAILS ABOUT THIS, THIS IS THE ONLY REASON WHY IT LOOKS LIKE A CULT. I'M NOT MINDLESSLY DOING IT, THERE ARE THINGS ABOUT IT I TRUST AND OTHERS I DON'T 

Turncoat said:

Have you come to any theories, or are you simply using that to justify your lack of trying to understand yourself in favor of "easier things"?

 I'm saying I'd prefer to get a diagnosis from a licensed professional rather than try to draw my own conclusions.

Turncoat said:

Have you explored it, or is it sort of like Psychology where, from a lack of depth in the understanding and from it not being any fun for you that you just gave up on it?

I'm not asking you to really jump into it yourself, but I am curious about your "I don't believe in" rhetoric generally.

 I barely looked into it. I don't care for it, I don't see how months translate into personalty traits. I don't see the that. 

Turncoat said:

Are you sure your "I lied about it" isn't post-rationale, the easier answer to face when compared to you otherwise approaching a breaking point otherwise? Others may have seen more readily out of you than you did yourself (you don't focus on yourself so it'd be very easy for you to miss it imo).

I lied to both stay out of trouble because I considered it a joke, but at the same time, felt guilt over it. 


 

Turncoat said:

You need to let yourself take breaks though, to rebuild yourself and be more efficient when the times matter. To indulge in fun and hobbies is how to balance your mental and physical well being.

 I TAKE WAY TOO MANY FUCKING BREAKS IM NOT DOING ENOUGH, I indulge in my own means of entertainment and hobbies too much.