Sociopath Community

user22212 said:

If you would become a mass-shooter, which group would you target?

 Probably congress or wall-street. 

In case there's still a misconception let me give you a brief explanation.

The breakdowns and when I snapped come before I ever went to college, the reason why I went to college is because I made a deal with my family to try college out, I was already planning military, but my family insisted. I went there, I had fun, but I was impatient and around that time, when I was contradicting myself, my temptations were high, and I wasn't doing anything I consider productive in terms of my ideology. So I was given a task, and path to go down. Dropping out of college has 0 to do with the challenge of academia. I was doing fine until I got annoyed that I wasn't being productive. So, I dropped out. I had fun there, it was probably the most fun I've had out of life, but I put my ideals before me.

Sintetika said:

 

Turncoat said:

n a single semester?

That really sounds like Freshman Year got to you. I've never seen as many breakdowns as I have from Freshman classes in college.

Were things a lot easier on you when your folks were still around, compared to dorm living I mean?

 I didn't have breakdowns in college, the breakdowns predate college. 

How genuine do you find your compensatory confidence that seems to arise from you when you're stressing out? 

Turncoat said:

So was college but you ran away from that.

Who's to say your next path won't be the same? It's harder than college.

 I wasn't running away from college. 

See, we're now starting to enter "Unreliable Narrator" territories. Your contradictions and how little time you spent there sell me that you ran from it, especially with how positive you compensate-try to make it sound up to a point. 

You talk about how college would have driven you mad, but you also left college in a single semester and try to say you were "wayyyyyy more egotistical than I am now. I saw myself as superior to others". 

It very strongly clashes with your believed sense of poise, especially once you go into "I had increasingly become more and more tempted to harm others than make it through the 4 years". 

College is a very common place for people to break down. They are no longer in their home with their parents, they're expected to self-motivate and run their own lives, two areas you sound confused in, and everyone in your grade is going through the same experience at the same time. Even my schizophrenia kicked more and more into high gear once I left the comfort and safety expectations of my home and instead lived the dorm life. 

"I was doing pretty well in college until the tip off where I was planning to leave anyway" is pure compensation response, the shit narcs say to justify their failings. "I was only failing because I didn't care!" coming from someone who struggles to self-motivate? Come on, don't bullshit yourself like that. 

You can't even imagine your own contribution towards your own philosophical causes, just that you know you care about it. 

Sintetika said: 

The breakdowns and when I snapped come before I ever went to college,

Yet from your portrayal of it it sounds like you were still going through some shit. It didn't end when you got there. 

the reason why I went to college is because I made a deal with my family to try college out, I was already planning military, but my family insisted.

How'd your family feel about how you chose to handle this? 

I hope to be able to talk to you while you're doing your military thing, I want to see how well you take to it or if it leads to any contradictions versus your expectations towards success. 

Putting all your eggs into one basket, one of ideals, is a danger you already recognize. 

I went there, I had fun, but I was impatient and around that time, when I was contradicting myself, my temptations were high, and I wasn't doing anything I consider productive in terms of my ideology.

There's still no way for me to tell if this is you ego compensating or if you really did score high marks, especially since when your grades went down you claim to have given up prior to it. 

It screams unreliable narrator to me, or at least vague detailing and missing pieces. 

Dropping out of college has 0 to do with the challenge of academia. I was doing fine until I got annoyed that I wasn't being productive.

So you did it until it "wasn't fun anymore" and then you just quit? 

So, I dropped out. I had fun there, it was probably the most fun I've had out of life, but I put my ideals before me.

The most fun you had in your life involved delusional levels of zeal and running away from it the first chance you got? 

That does not sound like the most fun you've ever had. Still, I don't actually know, so I'll ask: What kinds of fun were you having there? What did you do for fun at that point? 

Turncoat said:

What inspired this goal at that particular time though?

It sounds like idealization in the form of fleeing, and isn't uncommon in younger people who've just been thrown into the world.

I've used words like "given" what do you think this implies. I told you there is a restraint, I am not at liberty to speak on the goals and path I'm going down. I wanted to do something towards this goal the whole time, the problem is I didn't have an allegience to give it to. I'd have to make my own group for that. 

Turncoat said:

You're choosing your beliefs to bolster your ego where it is otherwise too weak.

You have not escaped your ego at all, you've just found newer labels to justify them under. Just because you struggle to see yourself, and thereby your ego, does not mean that it is not otherwise there in a newer form.

 I chose my moral views, and my ideology over self-indulgence and selfishness. If I didn't choose my ideology. I would probably be manipulating people or harming others. 

Turncoat said:

Are they still in college?

How do they feel about your change in life path?

 Considering they don't know the true intentions, they support the fact that I am serving my country.

Turncoat said:

I think your ego's a little weaker than that right now, hence it's desperate cling towards your idealist philosophies.

You're afraid to see what's beyond that, aren't you? You feel otherwise unready for an existential breakdown to see where the pieces fall... but I hate to break it to you, no one ever feels ready for it and, judging by what I've seen of you so far, you won't want it any more later than you want it right now.

 I don't see a existential breakdown coming. I am pursuing my goals for my beliefs because I want a better humanity, if that goes to shit, I'll snap right back to doing what I would do anyway but unregulated, or atleast, not regulated as much, as in the temptations part. 

Turncoat said:

Global Warming's inevitable anyway.

If you really want to fix the issue, you'll need to start slaughtering a lot of cows.

 I'm speaking of chance to adapt, I'm aware it's coming anyway, but the question is the severity and if we can adapt, the path we're going down seems to make it look as it the severity is going to kill us.

Turncoat said:

What's wrong with laughing at another's pain?

 There is none, technically I still do it. Whereas I care about workers and people starving and such, in the other side, I wouldn't care.

Turncoat said:

Leo huh (could be Virgo but I have my doubts beyond a cusp)? I'm two parts that, and that might explain why I'm more driven to reply to your egoist denials. It might explain some aspects of your behaviors that I was mistaking for Aquarius... but I'm still wondering if you have Aquarius or Cancer in your chart, but for that I'd need to know the day and the time (and your time zone).

Early August or mid?

My tentative guess for you right now is Leo/Aquarius/Cancer. It's probably wrong, but I probably won't ever know.

 I'm a Leo, but I don't believe in astrology. 

Turncoat said:

How genuine do you find your compensatory confidence that seems to arise from you when you're stressing out?

 The criticisms of myself, I'm working on, I believe that I can do fine in the military. 

Turncoat said:

See, we're now starting to enter "Unreliable Narrator" territories. Your contradictions and how little time you spent there sell me that you ran from it, especially with how positive you compensate-try to make it sound up to a point.

You talk about how college would have driven you mad, but you also left college in a single semester and try to say you were "wayyyyyy more egotistical than I am now. I saw myself as superior to others".

It very strongly clashes with your believed sense of poise, especially once you go into "I had increasingly become more and more tempted to harm others than make it through the 4 years".

College is a very common place for people to break down. They are no longer in their home with their parents, they're expected to self-motivate and run their own lives, two areas you sound confused in, and everyone in your grade is going through the same experience at the same time. Even my schizophrenia kicked more and more into high gear once I left the comfort and safety expectations of my home and instead lived the dorm life.

"I was doing pretty well in college until the tip off where I was planning to leave anyway" is pure compensation response, the shit narcs say to justify their failings. "I was only failing because I didn't care!" coming from someone who struggles to self-motivate? Come on, don't bullshit yourself like that.

You can't even imagine your own contribution towards your own philosophical causes, just that you know you care about it.

 College itself wouldn't have driven me mad for the sole fact of it being college, what would have driven me mad, is the fact that I was doing nothing towards my own goal. The temptations were generated by this not going on the path towards my goals. By changing my path and giving me actual purpose, rather then going to college for nothing that I gave a fuck about. 

I had self-motivation in college for a bit, because I was genuinely interested in the topics at my school. Then, I decided that I'd rather go on my path. Failing at college didn't make me doubt myself and quit college. I quit college, because it served no purpose to me. 

I can imagine my contributions to my philosophical cause, I just can't explain them, because I'm not at liberty to. 

The reason why I don't have this same self-motivation that I did in college, is because I'm with my family whom likes to busy me, as well as annoy me, I have a physical fitness trainer, but I had to lessen the days I go, because our area got flooded which caused financial problems. 

Also, my addiction in video games. 

College and my Physical fitness trainer, hold me responsible, it kind of forces me to be there. In a sense, without that I have trouble self-motivating, and that's what I'm trying to fix. 

Turncoat said:

Yet from your portrayal of it it sounds like you were still going through some shit. It didn't end when you got there.

 The only shit I was going through was the temptations. When I found frogs, that helped alleviate that.

Turncoat said:

How'd your family feel about how you chose to handle this?

I hope to be able to talk to you while you're doing your military thing, I want to see how well you take to it or if it leads to any contradictions versus your expectations towards success.

Putting all your eggs into one basket, one of ideals, is a danger you already recognize.

 It took convincing which I finally did, they still don't fully support me, but they don't have a choice, at the time I wasn't 18, now I am, and I didn't want to upset them at that time. It's like choosing to pick my battles and somewhat like politics. 

Turncoat said:

There's still no way for me to tell if this is you ego compensating or if you really did score high marks, especially since when your grades went down you claim to have given up prior to it.

It screams unreliable narrator to me, or at least vague detailing and missing pieces.

 I'm not saying I was the best student in class, but I actually did put effort into my homework, until I was given my task to work towards, then that was the point where I stopped caring about how well I did. I'd say I still did good, until final exams came around because at that point I was already going to dropout. 

Turncoat said:

So you did it until it "wasn't fun anymore" and then you just quit?

 I was rationalizing why I should even be there, I thought about my paths I should take, and I decided the one I am on now, it wasn't like a split second thing in my mind where I was like *click* Alright, Military here I come!

Turncoat said:

The most fun you had in your life involved delusional levels of zeal and running away from it the first chance you got?

That does not sound like the most fun you've ever had. Still, I don't actually know, so I'll ask: What kinds of fun were you having there? What did you do for fun at that point?

 Before College, I had never hung out with people much, because of past anxiety and depression. In college, that didn't exist for me, so I got to try new things, I did DND with people, I went on rides with friends, we walked out at night, we hung out and did shit. I had never done much like that in my life before that point. 

As for wanting to speak with me while I'm in the military, probably not. My goal is to leave all this behind. Maybe, I'll appear, maybe not. 

Sintetika said:

 

Turncoat said:

What inspired this goal at that particular time though?

It sounds like idealization in the form of fleeing, and isn't uncommon in younger people who've just been thrown into the world.

I've used words like "given" what do you think this implies. I told you there is a restraint, I am not at liberty to speak on the goals and path I'm going down. I wanted to do something towards this goal the whole time, the problem is I didn't have an allegience to give it to.

"Didn't", past tense? 

I'd have to make my own group for that. 

There's others of a like mind to your political leanings, why would you have to be in charge of it? If you did enough searching you could probably find a group right now. 

Turncoat said:

You're choosing your beliefs to bolster your ego where it is otherwise too weak.

You have not escaped your ego at all, you've just found newer labels to justify them under. Just because you struggle to see yourself, and thereby your ego, does not mean that it is not otherwise there in a newer form.

I chose my moral views, and my ideology over self-indulgence and selfishness. If I didn't choose my ideology. I would probably be manipulating people or harming others. 

No one "chooses" their moral views, they're inherent within ourselves by our very nature and funneled through filters through our nurture. You choosing to follow the path that feels best to you is also you taking a selfish self-indulgent path, just in a different flavor.

You're ultimately doing all of this to serve your own needs, no differently than before beyond the means to an end.

The very thing that has you rebuking "manipulating people or harming others" is a result of who you were born as. If you didn't have the capacity for guilt over that stuff, you simply would not be having it.

Take it from me, guilt over "manipulating people" is a bandage you're going to need to rip. Everything anyone does is manipulation, even down to just saying "Hi" to them. Manipulation is only as bad as the malicious intent behind it and the ego justifications that follow not trusting someone to make their own decisions. Ultimately if you want your goal to succeed you'd actually benefit from practicing manipulation. Idealist rhetoric has never been enough by itself, it takes someone who knows how to play the game to get shit done. Let yourself be manipulative, frankly you're going to need it.

Turncoat said:

Are they still in college?

How do they feel about your change in life path?

Considering they don't know the true intentions, they support the fact that I am serving my country.

Do they actually though or are they just saying that for what they believe is for your benefit? I've phoned in plenty of "Thank you for your service" when I thought that's what they really needed right then. 

Turncoat said:

I think your ego's a little weaker than that right now, hence it's desperate cling towards your idealist philosophies.

You're afraid to see what's beyond that, aren't you? You feel otherwise unready for an existential breakdown to see where the pieces fall... but I hate to break it to you, no one ever feels ready for it and, judging by what I've seen of you so far, you won't want it any more later than you want it right now.

I don't see a existential breakdown coming. I am pursuing my goals for my beliefs because I want a better humanity, if that goes to shit, I'll snap right back to doing what I would do anyway but unregulated, or atleast, not regulated as much, as in the temptations part. 

I do, but your holding it down like this, bottling, means it'll be something more extreme and causally important where it'll happen instead. Still you say "Existential Breakdown" like it's a bad thing, when really it's an integral step towards Wisdom and growing up.

I used to worry more about some of this stuff, until I realized Chaos and Freedom were the more ideal paths. There's so much freedom in this path, even my OCDs have gone away one by one by accepting losses and imperfections as inevitable and otherwise largely meaningless.

There is so much freedom in the meaninglessness, why would you choose to limit yourself otherwise?

Turncoat said:

Global Warming's inevitable anyway.

If you really want to fix the issue, you'll need to start slaughtering a lot of cows.

I'm speaking of chance to adapt, I'm aware it's coming anyway, but the question is the severity and if we can adapt, the path we're going down seems to make it look as it the severity is going to kill us.

So... you could direct that Sadism versus Factory Farming. You'd be doing the cows a favor, you'd be doing the environment a favor, you'd be doing your cause a favor, and you'd be sticking it to "The Man".

Turncoat said:

What's wrong with laughing at another's pain?

There is none, technically I still do it.

Okay good, as laughter is healthy for coping and compensation. It can help push through breakthroughs that otherwise might not happen without it. I'd just recommend not getting to used to it for when among more... sensitive company.

Dark comedy and the company of other kinksters tend to have that sort of laughter be more of the norm.

---

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
— Mel Brooks

---

Turncoat said:

Leo huh (could be Virgo but I have my doubts beyond a cusp)? I'm two parts that, and that might explain why I'm more driven to reply to your egoist denials. It might explain some aspects of your behaviors that I was mistaking for Aquarius... but I'm still wondering if you have Aquarius or Cancer in your chart, but for that I'd need to know the day and the time (and your time zone).

Early August or mid?

My tentative guess for you right now is Leo/Aquarius/Cancer. It's probably wrong, but I probably won't ever know.

I'm a Leo, but I don't believe in astrology. 

I figure you wouldn't, but I've begun entertaining the notion more since about a year ago. For data's sake though I'm Aquarius/Leo/Leo with the strongest cusps possible for both my Sun and Moon on Capricorn and Cancer respectively (Yes I'm both opposites and tight cusps, it's weird shit) with a Virgo Lilith and Pisces North Node.

I'd call it a hobby, but I'm getting better at telling signs from people based on in person interactions and I'm wondering to what degree it could be discerned online. I seem to have a decent time telling Taurus and Gemini out of a crowd, and I can somewhat tell a few other ones through typical symptoms.

Science has gone as far as to try to prove Base 4 for displays of birth variations within yearly cycles (the seasons), and has largely succeeded in identifying many general traits that are the norm within those periods. If Base 4 can be made sense of, why couldn't that be split into a finer gradient through Base 12 (the months)?

Turncoat said:

"Didn't", past tense?

There's others of a like mind to your political leanings, why would you have to be in charge of it? If you did enough searching you could probably find a group right now.

 What I am saying is I've wanted to do something to help the goals of my ideology. I didn't have a way of doing that unless I found a group. So, to make it clear, when I said I was given a task. I am implying that I am apart of a group.

Turncoat said:

No one "chooses" their moral views, they're inherent within ourselves by our very nature and funneled through filters through our nurture. You choosing to follow the path that feels best to you is also you taking a selfish self-indulgent path, just in a different flavor.

You're ultimately doing all of this to serve your own needs, no differently than before beyond the means to an end.

The very thing that has you rebuking "manipulating people or harming others" is a result of who you were born as. If you didn't have the capacity for guilt over that stuff, you simply would not be having it.

Take it from me, guilt over "manipulating people" is a bandage you're going to need to rip. Everything anyone does is manipulation, even down to just saying "Hi" to them. Manipulation is only as bad as the malicious intent behind it and the ego justifications that follow not trusting someone to make their own decisions. Ultimately if you want your goal to succeed you'd actually benefit from practicing manipulation. Idealist rhetoric has never been enough by itself, it takes someone who knows how to play the game to get shit done. Let yourself be manipulative, frankly you're going to need it.

 I am saying I chose the view of my political idelogy and what it seeks to achieve over my egotistical self. I don't have guilt over manipulating people. I don't regret harming animals or people, I chose to try to stop doing it, because it's something I shouldn't do. I'm not crying over or trying to apologize for what I did, in fact, if I didn't have my ideology and views, I would still be doing it without care. I am saying I had a choice between caring about my political views or caring about indulging myself. 

Turncoat said:

Do they actually though or are they just saying that for what they believe is for your benefit? I've phoned in plenty of "Thank you for your service" when I thought that's what they really needed right then.

 They support me for my decision, whether or not they actually mean it doesn't matter to me, because the goal of me doing it, has nothing to do with the reasons that I told them I was doing it for. 

Turncoat said:

I do, but your holding it down like this, bottling, means it'll be something more extreme and causally important where it'll happen instead. Still you say "Existential Breakdown" like it's a bad thing, when really it's an integral step towards Wisdom and growing up.

I used to worry more about some of this stuff, until I realized Chaos and Freedom were the more ideal paths. There's so much freedom in this path, even my OCDs have gone away one by one by accepting losses and imperfections as inevitable and otherwise largely meaningless.

There is so much freedom in the meaninglessness, why would you choose to limit yourself otherwise?

 I consider my existential breakdown already happened when I shifted into a new me. I don't see another one coming. I'm saying I chose a meaning for myself, I don't know how else to convey this to you. I don't see where I'm limiting myself. 

Turncoat said:

So... you could direct that Sadism versus Factory Farming. You'd be doing the cows a favor, you'd be doing the environment a favor, you'd be doing your cause a favor, and you'd be sticking it to "The Man".

 My view is that Capitalism is the cause of increasing the severity of Global Warming. 

Turncoat said:

Okay good, as laughter is healthy for coping and compensation. It can help push through breakthroughs that otherwise might not happen without it. I'd just recommend not getting to used to it for when among more... sensitive company.

Dark comedy and the company of other kinksters tend to have that sort of laughter be more of the norm.

 I have dark offensive humor. I don't get my panties in a bunch over shit. Yea, I'm aware, I've already hurt some online friends because of my offensive humor. 

Sintetika said: 

College itself wouldn't have driven me mad for the sole fact of it being college, what would have driven me mad, is the fact that I was doing nothing towards my own goal.

You'd be advancing yourself towards an easier means of making bank, and then those funds could be further use to push your goals. 

Dolla' Dolla' Bills gets shit done. I know to you in many respects it's the tool of the enemy, but there is a certain beauty in using an enemy's own weapons against them when contributing towards their destruction. 

The temptations were generated by this not going on the path towards my goals. By changing my path and giving me actual purpose, rather then going to college for nothing that I gave a fuck about. \

You're really lost on the word "path"... it's like the backbone of your rationale's codex, and I think your overuse of it conceptually might serve to hold you back more than give you clarity. 

You need a backup plan for if this doesn't work out for you, as life's not just one path, it's many potential paths, and many of them have the means of spiraling back towards where you were aiming to go in the first place. You're liable to self destruct if you see yourself as a failure if you hold yourself towards figuring things can only be done one way. 

Being adaptable instead of rigidly pre-defined is how to survive in this modern world. The specific craft isn't shit anymore without eight years of schooling. 

I had self-motivation in college for a bit, because I was genuinely interested in the topics at my school. Then, I decided that I'd rather go on my path.

What changed? You've given me "Point A" and "Point G" without B through F. Changes don't just happen on a whim like that, something had to have budged you. 

It's never as simple as "I just did it", there are root causes here you're choosing to ignore for the sake of your ego equilibrium. Something motivated you, and odds are more in favor of it being post-rationale than an actual chosen life direction, especially based on how unplanned you make a lot of your "path" sound and based on how much you appear to not know yourself almost at all. 

How can you even know you just "decided" to do it if you don't even know yourself? 

Failing at college didn't make me doubt myself and quit college. I quit college, because it served no purpose to me. 

So your grade reductions were actually failing instead of just low marks? 

I can imagine my contributions to my philosophical cause, I just can't explain them, because I'm not at liberty to. 

It's a shame, they'd probably fall apart after enough talking about it, offering you something more realistic and less idealized. 

The reason why I don't have this same self-motivation that I did in college, is because I'm with my family whom likes to busy me, as well as annoy me, I have a physical fitness trainer, but I had to lessen the days I go, because our area got flooded which caused financial problems. 

How lazy would you say you are overall? 

College and my Physical fitness trainer, hold me responsible, it kind of forces me to be there. In a sense, without that I have trouble self-motivating, and that's what I'm trying to fix. 

What was motivating you in college before you just dropped it one day? 

How does motivation for you tend to work, explain to me your process? 

Sintetika said: 

Turncoat said:

Yet from your portrayal of it it sounds like you were still going through some shit. It didn't end when you got there.

The only shit I was going through was the temptations. When I found frogs, that helped alleviate that.

The temptations came from somewhere, otherwise you'd have been more liable to show these tendencies at a much younger age. 

Turncoat said:

How'd your family feel about how you chose to handle this?

I hope to be able to talk to you while you're doing your military thing, I want to see how well you take to it or if it leads to any contradictions versus your expectations towards success.

Putting all your eggs into one basket, one of ideals, is a danger you already recognize.

It took convincing which I finally did, they still don't fully support me, but they don't have a choice, at the time I wasn't 18, now I am, and I didn't want to upset them at that time. It's like choosing to pick my battles and somewhat like politics. 

Make sure to thank them for caring for you in what ways they could. Down the line if your paths fail and you need downtime for recovery, they're your safety net in lieu of your ability to make plans otherwise. 

What sorts of raising style did your folks employ? 

Turncoat said:

There's still no way for me to tell if this is you ego compensating or if you really did score high marks, especially since when your grades went down you claim to have given up prior to it.

It screams unreliable narrator to me, or at least vague detailing and missing pieces.

I'm not saying I was the best student in class, but I actually did put effort into my homework, until I was given my task to work towards, then that was the point where I stopped caring about how well I did. I'd say I still did good, until final exams came around because at that point I was already going to dropout. 

The more I read your material, the more you strike me as a quitter who sets broad goals ahead of yourself to justify current failures. 

You're living somewhat in a dream like this and are liable to get very little done. 

Turncoat said:

So you did it until it "wasn't fun anymore" and then you just quit?

I was rationalizing why I should even be there, I thought about my paths I should take, and I decided the one I am on now, it wasn't like a split second thing in my mind where I was like *click* Alright, Military here I come! 

So you got bored with the path you were on and defaulted on an older one you weren't able to fully flesh out otherwise, basically picking "Your Dreams" over "Your Room For Success"? Chasing dreams doesn't tend to go like it does on TV. It's better to have a way of funding your goals while treating said funding as supplementary instead of primary towards your existence. 

If I worked for a month to afford texts like "The Anarchist's Cookbook" for instance, that's practical. 

How long'd you mull over it once the going got too tough for your sense of fun and whimsy to appreciate?