why would u ever want my attention?
TC- I don't know that i should associate my feelings of anger with punching things.
You can't put that umph into hitting things over how it doesn't actually resolve the bigger issue? That makes it go back to sounding like a closure problem rather than overstimulation or energy buildup with room for hardening blame at the source.
For others at least sometimes it's more of an energy thing, where the problems come more from not having anywhere to put it rather than the context of the problem itself, finding the problems to become easier to handle once less bottled up.
For myself anyway, I tend to see a certain futility past a point of it and find it easier to put that energy into something else for a little while, since just sitting on it is awful. I also have tried to look at my need for closure as a "Me Problem" rather than insisting they have to do it for me, as oftentimes they can't do a damn thing to fix it anyway.If it's aches of betrayal it's a them problem, i should not have to be a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person, they should have been better.
I understand though the dilema in that I'm an emotional person and often enough it's difficult to have conversations with me because i can't keep hold of my emotions for long. So in part i do cause them to either lie or withhold problems as to not have to deal with the fallout.But you are a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person, and once a case is built up that's when you feel emboldened. That is the common denominator every time you feel these aches of betrayal, and if not looked at will continue to be it as others continue to disappoint you.
A comfortable sloth of trust would not be sitting there actively expecting these kinds of things to happen, in a sense the expectation can begin to precede the response. As your emotions ramp higher you begin to have a sense of "How dare they make me feel this way", but while they may be the cause they are not the one otherwise indulging in it.
A lot of this also has room to play into your fear of attachment, as the closer you feel to them the more you feel like they are responsible for your feelings. It is how horrible betrayal seems to you that has it get so much real estate in your head, even before they've done anything sometimes or over thinking you saw a hint of something there.
I don't think I'ma very paranoid squirrelly and untrusting person... Maybe initially, i warm up and want to trust the person soon after.
My pattern recognition is superb it's not my fault they all seem to fall into doing the exact same thing that later lead to hurt. O don't have a fear of attachment i attach fast all the time >:(
Self-directing it has given me more of a feeling of control over it anyway, so it's at least sublimating control freak issues by trying to control myself rather than my environment. I fell into the latter a lot more when I was younger and that's when I began blaming people for OCD shit, it was not healthy, while seeing it as a "me problem" allows it to become a learning experience about my own tendencies and social weaknesses.I'm definitely a control freak. It might be a me problem but there's needs to be a better way for me to organize the thoughts instead of insidious little comments my brain likes to whisper, like a loose thread you have to pull until it all unravels.
Speaking as a schizo, the whispers are the fucking worst, but those come from within, they are a part of the self. I've always kept the rule of "Never give them names, never give them titles", as that's what grants them the room to partition.
The whispers are just as much us as the louder shit, and separating it out to be as if it were it's own force is essentially the gateway to splitting. "My temper really gets out of hand sometimes" with Jeckle and Hyde metaphors often proves to barely be different from things like "It's not my fault that I can't seem to stop drinking", it rationalizes and justifies what happened as if it were that much less the person doing it.
It does not help that those moments can sometimes feel out of body, which is why some go as far as to say demons did it.
I don't think I'm at the level of Jekyll and Hyde but sometimes those whispers have a point. I'm not a schizo but they are helpful at pointing out certain nothings that I would otherwise try to ignore
People are fucked up, they can't help a lot of shit they do any more than we can sometimes. What closure is there to even seek in most cases, and once it's done what's really changed?
I think it's also nice to know they understand they're a part of the problem, i am not blameless by any means but I've made my needs of open communication known. It's not healthy to put it solely on the self, you weren't a one person relationship. Some things need answering.
How many people actually end up learning that in a meaningful way by the end of it, rather than you having to learn that some things can't be trained into other people?
Most just blame the one bringing it to light as if they're the antagonist, then double down on the issue. People only learn things if they can be made to feel like they did it on their own, they can even resent that the right answers came from other people purely over the principle of feeling like they were instructed or pushed towards it in some way.
Even when they appear to have learned a thing, it can become quickly forgotten if not entirely recontextualized. Spatial and Turquie have both been a constant learning aid for me over this. People are patterns, they only really change if their own patterns turn against eachother.
I don't think people within this forum are good examples. If someone truly cares about you they'll make the effort to change even if it's not a complete change, it's the making an effort that signals this.
I don't think I'ma very paranoid squirrelly and untrusting person... Maybe initially, i warm up and want to trust the person soon after.
Even that trust though becomes a bit like a mouse trap out of a sense of fear over what's to come, you have a troubled relationship with the idea of trust over how it can make you vulnerable enough for their screw ups to mean more, and the idea of loss for you seems rougher sometimes than betrayal. From what I can tell your upbringing has given you room to conflate trust with safety, you had a lot more at stake during important years of growing up, and now in spite of being an adult outside of that situation you carry it with you still over how that could be anybody once your own family had shown a willingness to go there.
You've had talks more than once over suspecting things over people before things have even happened, and once they finally do screw up it reinforces that you were right to worry. I get not trusting people as a paranoid untrusting person, but I have had to give myself a lot of reality checks over it not "really being that bad", over how much of my problem is really over the indulgence going on in my head rather than in relation to the event itself.
I'm not even saying it's wrong to be wary, moreso going on about the room to become extremes. By contrast, too much self-blame over everyone's actions lets everyone get away with everything over the practitioner being a complete doormat, so there should be a balance rather than taking it from one extreme to the other. I've by contrast made the mistake of excusing too much by trying to not be a control freak at other people, so I've been having to learn to somewhat blame people more rather than take it all out on myself.
I don't think I'm at the level of Jekyll and Hyde but sometimes those whispers have a point.
I'm not a schizo but they are helpful at pointing out certain nothings that I would otherwise try to ignore
You're the whispers, you sometimes have a point. I know you know this, but there is not some whispy thing living within you telling you good advice sometimes that you don't feel ready for, they are both you.
I know it seems like a semantic concern, but it's a kneejerk reaction for me to correct that when I see it. Splitting is harder to unravel than it is to prevent from occurring in the first place, and it occurs in more people than it'd appear to at first glance once you take into account more subtle displays of it.
I don't think people within this forum are good examples. If someone truly cares about you they'll make the effort to change even if it's not a complete change, it's the making an effort that signals this.
A lot of people here make the effort to change for someone else, typically through dating them.
I would say how people are here is simply more honest over it, people are stubborn to change and the less they think is wrong with them the less likely they are to feel the need to improve themselves. People needing to think it was their own idea only comes from a conflict of interests within, which people can be guided towards not outright forced to walk through.
Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
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12/20/2022 10:39:37 PM
Yeah i know the whispers are me, the voices the hallucinations visual or audible are me i get that, I'm not attempting to split but rather smother wouldn't you want to be soft and more easily
Getting a reality check from my phone 2022 i am doing *something* wrong.
Personifying objects can be another form of splitting, especially if they feel like their objects are judging them.
Shut the fuck up it was adorable it's like pet-ifying the Roomba. Harmless. And also proven that you're definitely being listened in on. My CIA handler had about enough of my pity party that's all lol
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12/21/2022 1:19:39 AM
Personifying objects can be another form of splitting, especially if they feel like their objects are judging them.
Shut the fuck up it was adorable
From experience, I had a real weird relationship with my wristwatch growing up.
I had to stop wearing a watch to get over some things.
Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔