I've noticed that i tend to have delayed anger after having reassured myself it was fine and didn't mater and wasn't worth getting angry about. Just absolute resentment and anger I've assured the person days before that it was fine and whatever.
Need to get the workbook and actually work through it, but at least I'm not throwing things and having knee jerk reactions much anymore
I've noticed that i tend to have delayed anger after having reassured myself it was fine and didn't mater and wasn't worth getting angry about.
"Fake it til you make it" doesn't work when you're self-directing it unless you go full blown cultist, some part of you knows which invalidates it. That isn't too different from handwaving the issue to effectively ignore it, being like "I'm sure it's fiiiine". In this self-reassurance is it usually pretty broad or is it a full blown case defining why you are fine?
I've had more luck telling myself it's not fine when the urge is to say otherwise, within controlled conditions, to really test and try to push through it. When closure cannot be given by other people we have to find ways of giving it to ourselves, as having that closure be reliant on the other person is a fucking trap, it's how I get wrapped into long discussions with people who don't learn anything.
That being said I've had trouble keeping myself down while at work when stuff builds up too much. Is this anger maybe delayed work stress mounting up as transference, looking for an outlet in other places like conversation? For me anyway that can happen, but instead of anger it's fear and delusion which is fucking stupid.
Just absolute resentment and anger I've assured the person days before that it was fine and whatever.
Thankfully when you don't actually feel better it reflects in your typing-voice.
I've noticed that i tend to have delayed anger after having reassured myself it was fine and didn't mater and wasn't worth getting angry about. Just absolute resentment and anger I've assured the person days before that it was fine and whatever.
Need to get the workbook and actually work through it, but at least I'm not throwing things and having knee jerk reactions much anymore
Why do you have the need to reassure yourself in the first place?
An emotion has four components:
1. Emotional
2. Cognitive
3. Physiological
4. Behavioral
Often people use the cognitive to avoid the other components. Also an emotion is often not at all about the situation it arose in which could explain why your cognitive reasoning does not work. Accept and embrace the emotion and look what lies behind. Often anger is a secondary emotion and is a reaction to helplessness. I know you know this feeling but I won't go further because it is christmas. Merry Christmas, Lena.
I've noticed that i tend to have delay/
/I know, I know shhhhh shhhh shhhhh .
Just keep trying
TC- maybe, i know my immediate anger will often be... something ending. So i kinda have to calm myself down and tell myself to calm down to not short think burst about the current thing- i need time to think about it but i tend to tell myself it's fine it's fine you're okay it's fine and and trying to make reasonable excuses for them only to then later on throughout the week have my brain start reframing certain things and actions done that could now be tied to this negative event. A long term explanation for the shit they've done and justification for my coming anger and explosion.
Some part of me demands justice for the loss of anger i was unable to act out and instead become a slow simmering hate (not to sound cringe) that boils over and then there's an issue.
Fry- it's not Christmas yet, your inability to actually get to the insult is annoying. I wouldn't call it helplessness but rather distress at the inability to display what is socially unacceptable because i should have better control of my emotions- my anger is typically because of betrayal of trust or lack of trust in me or the treatment of my personal as an object or disposable entertainment.
Tony- kill yourself you fuckin clown.
