Sociopath Community

Turncoat said: 

Lenalee said: 

TC- I don't know that i should associate my feelings of anger with punching things.

You can't put that umph into hitting things over how it doesn't actually resolve the bigger issue? That makes it go back to sounding like a closure problem rather than overstimulation or energy buildup with room for hardening blame at the source.

For others at least sometimes it's more of an energy thing, where the problems come more from not having anywhere to put it rather than the context of the problem itself, finding the problems to become easier to handle once less bottled up. 

For myself anyway, I tend to see a certain futility past a point of it and find it easier to put that energy into something else for a little while, since just sitting on it is awful. I also have tried to look at my need for closure as a "Me Problem" rather than insisting they have to do it for me, as oftentimes they can't do a damn thing to fix it anyway. 

If it's aches of betrayal it's a them problem, i should not have to be a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person, they should have been better. I understand though the dilema in that I'm an emotional person and often enough it's difficult to have conversations with me because i can't keep hold of my emotions for long. So in part i do cause them to either lie or withhold problems as to not have to deal with the fallout.

Self-directing it has given me more of a feeling of control over it anyway, so it's at least sublimating control freak issues by trying to control myself rather than my environment. I fell into the latter a lot more when I was younger and that's when I began blaming people for OCD shit, it was not healthy, while seeing it as a "me problem" allows it to become a learning experience about my own tendencies and social weaknesses. 

 I'm definitely a control freak. It might be a me problem but there's needs to be a better way for me to organize the thoughts instead of insidious little comments my brain likes to whisper, like a loose thread you have to pull until it all unravels.

People are fucked up, they can't help a lot of shit they do any more than we can sometimes. What closure is there to even seek in most cases, and once it's done what's really changed? 

I think it's also nice to know they understand they're apart of the problem, i am not blameless by any means but I've made my needs of open communication known. It's not healthy to put it solely on the self, you weren't a one person relationship. Some things need answering. 

I've broken out of smashing and flinging ceramica on the floor

i do have a kicking dummy but that's more for boredom than aggression.

What about a Rage Room? 

I guess studies are conflicted on if it actually helps relieve the anger or enables the anger further, but I dunno I can't relate to wanting to break things at all. My mind immediately jumps into fatality and price tags, it ruins any passion that could have been found from breaking a thing. 

i can't just leave and be like "wait for me i need to go punch a bag"

If you are already holding onto that anger then you could be trying to release it into said heavybag later, if not some other outlet becoming somewhere to put that energy rather than letting it stew. 

 Rage rooms funnily enough are frequented by women more often, there's typically a wait-list and not really in the area and somewhat unsatisfying as a scene. I used to stock up on dollar store dishes and glasses that are easy to replace once the anger left and i realized i either need to buy inexpensive dishes or paper plates, I've done both. 

Spatial Mind said: 

TC. Violence won't solve that. Working out will, but not lashing out.

Some people really benefit from having a workout before working it out. 

Lenalee said: 

Turncoat said: 

Lenalee said: 

TC- I don't know that i should associate my feelings of anger with punching things.

You can't put that umph into hitting things over how it doesn't actually resolve the bigger issue? That makes it go back to sounding like a closure problem rather than overstimulation or energy buildup with room for hardening blame at the source.

For others at least sometimes it's more of an energy thing, where the problems come more from not having anywhere to put it rather than the context of the problem itself, finding the problems to become easier to handle once less bottled up. 

For myself anyway, I tend to see a certain futility past a point of it and find it easier to put that energy into something else for a little while, since just sitting on it is awful. I also have tried to look at my need for closure as a "Me Problem" rather than insisting they have to do it for me, as oftentimes they can't do a damn thing to fix it anyway. 

If it's aches of betrayal it's a them problem, i should not have to be a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person, they should have been better. 

I understand though the dilema in that I'm an emotional person and often enough it's difficult to have conversations with me because i can't keep hold of my emotions for long. So in part i do cause them to either lie or withhold problems as to not have to deal with the fallout.

But you are a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person, and once a case is built up that's when you feel emboldened. That is the common denominator every time you feel these aches of betrayal, and if not looked at will continue to be it as others continue to disappoint you. 

A comfortable sloth of trust would not be sitting there actively expecting these kinds of things to happen, in a sense the expectation can begin to precede the response. As your emotions ramp higher you begin to have a sense of "How dare they make me feel this way", but while they may be the cause they are not the one otherwise indulging in it. 

A lot of this also has room to play into your fear of attachment, as the closer you feel to them the more you feel like they are responsible for your feelings. It is how horrible betrayal seems to you that has it get so much real estate in your head, even before they've done anything sometimes or over thinking you saw a hint of something there. 

Self-directing it has given me more of a feeling of control over it anyway, so it's at least sublimating control freak issues by trying to control myself rather than my environment. I fell into the latter a lot more when I was younger and that's when I began blaming people for OCD shit, it was not healthy, while seeing it as a "me problem" allows it to become a learning experience about my own tendencies and social weaknesses. 

 I'm definitely a control freak. It might be a me problem but there's needs to be a better way for me to organize the thoughts instead of insidious little comments my brain likes to whisper, like a loose thread you have to pull until it all unravels.

Speaking as a schizo, the whispers are the fucking worst, but those come from within, they are a part of the self. I've always kept the rule of "Never give them names, never give them titles", as that's what grants them the room to partition. 

The whispers are just as much us as the louder shit, and separating it out to be as if it were it's own force is essentially the gateway to splitting. "My temper really gets out of hand sometimes" with Jeckle and Hyde metaphors often proves to barely be different from things like "It's not my fault that I can't seem to stop drinking", it rationalizes and justifies what happened as if it were that much less the person doing it. 

It does not help that those moments can sometimes feel out of body, which is why some go as far as to say demons did it. 

People are fucked up, they can't help a lot of shit they do any more than we can sometimes. What closure is there to even seek in most cases, and once it's done what's really changed? 

I think it's also nice to know they understand they're a part of the problem, i am not blameless by any means but I've made my needs of open communication known. It's not healthy to put it solely on the self, you weren't a one person relationship. Some things need answering. 

How many people actually end up learning that in a meaningful way by the end of it, rather than you having to learn that some things can't be trained into other people? 

Most just blame the one bringing it to light as if they're the antagonist, then double down on the issue. People only learn things if they can be made to feel like they did it on their own, they can even resent that the right answers came from other people purely over the principle of feeling like they were instructed or pushed towards it in some way. 

Even when they appear to have learned a thing, it can become quickly forgotten if not entirely recontextualized. Spatial and Turquie have both been a constant learning aid for me over this. People are patterns, they only really change if their own patterns turn against eachother. 

Turncoat said: 

Lenalee said: 

Turncoat said: 

Lenalee said: 

TC- I don't know that i should associate my feelings of anger with punching things.

You can't put that umph into hitting things over how it doesn't actually resolve the bigger issue? That makes it go back to sounding like a closure problem rather than overstimulation or energy buildup with room for hardening blame at the source.

For others at least sometimes it's more of an energy thing, where the problems come more from not having anywhere to put it rather than the context of the problem itself, finding the problems to become easier to handle once less bottled up. 

For myself anyway, I tend to see a certain futility past a point of it and find it easier to put that energy into something else for a little while, since just sitting on it is awful. I also have tried to look at my need for closure as a "Me Problem" rather than insisting they have to do it for me, as oftentimes they can't do a damn thing to fix it anyway. 

If it's aches of betrayal it's a them problem, i should not have to be a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person, they should have been better. 

I understand though the dilema in that I'm an emotional person and often enough it's difficult to have conversations with me because i can't keep hold of my emotions for long. So in part i do cause them to either lie or withhold problems as to not have to deal with the fallout.

But you are a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person

HOW DARE YOU ???

Lenalee said: 

I've noticed that i tend to have delayed anger after having reassured myself it was fine and didn't mater and wasn't worth getting angry about. Just absolute resentment and anger I've assured the person days before that it was fine and whatever. 

Need to get the workbook and actually work through it, but at least I'm not throwing things and having knee jerk reactions much anymore

 omg i got distracted by tony and forgot to even respond to this. be more aware in the moment, and prepare for how angry smth might make you. this is smth i do to make sure i don't flip tf out later on because of the fact that whoever it is 'got away with it'.

instead of insisting its fine, maybe try being like 'just give me some time' before u address it.

see tc? this is how u don't bore ppl to death when trying to 'halp'

natasha87 said: 

Lenalee said: 

I've noticed that i tend to have delayed anger after having reassured myself it was fine and didn't mater and wasn't worth getting angry about. Just absolute resentment and anger I've assured the person days before that it was fine and whatever. 

Need to get the workbook and actually work through it, but at least I'm not throwing things and having knee jerk reactions much anymore

 omg i got distracted by tony and forgot to even respond to this. be more aware in the moment, and prepare for how angry smth might make you. this is smth i do to make sure i don't flip tf out later on because of the fact that whoever it is 'got away with it'.

instead of insisting its fine, maybe try being like 'just give me some time' before u address it.

see tc? this is how u don't bore ppl to death when trying to 'halp'

 I think I'm too aware which is why I've tried to convince myself it's fine it's ok, as to not blow up on them in the moment, though telling them to give me some time to think about it seems reasonable without giving them the idea that I've forgiven them i suppose. 

nigger above

nogger below

Lenalee said: 

Turncoat said: 

Lenalee said: 

Turncoat said: 

Lenalee said: 

TC- I don't know that i should associate my feelings of anger with punching things.

You can't put that umph into hitting things over how it doesn't actually resolve the bigger issue? That makes it go back to sounding like a closure problem rather than overstimulation or energy buildup with room for hardening blame at the source.

For others at least sometimes it's more of an energy thing, where the problems come more from not having anywhere to put it rather than the context of the problem itself, finding the problems to become easier to handle once less bottled up. 

For myself anyway, I tend to see a certain futility past a point of it and find it easier to put that energy into something else for a little while, since just sitting on it is awful. I also have tried to look at my need for closure as a "Me Problem" rather than insisting they have to do it for me, as oftentimes they can't do a damn thing to fix it anyway. 

If it's aches of betrayal it's a them problem, i should not have to be a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person, they should have been better. 

I understand though the dilema in that I'm an emotional person and often enough it's difficult to have conversations with me because i can't keep hold of my emotions for long. So in part i do cause them to either lie or withhold problems as to not have to deal with the fallout.

But you are a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person

HOW DARE YOU ???

Spatial Mind said: 

There there.

 leave her alone. thx

Lenalee said: 

Turncoat said: 

Lenalee said: 

Turncoat said: 

Lenalee said: 

TC- I don't know that i should associate my feelings of anger with punching things.

You can't put that umph into hitting things over how it doesn't actually resolve the bigger issue? That makes it go back to sounding like a closure problem rather than overstimulation or energy buildup with room for hardening blame at the source.

For others at least sometimes it's more of an energy thing, where the problems come more from not having anywhere to put it rather than the context of the problem itself, finding the problems to become easier to handle once less bottled up. 

For myself anyway, I tend to see a certain futility past a point of it and find it easier to put that energy into something else for a little while, since just sitting on it is awful. I also have tried to look at my need for closure as a "Me Problem" rather than insisting they have to do it for me, as oftentimes they can't do a damn thing to fix it anyway. 

If it's aches of betrayal it's a them problem, i should not have to be a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person, they should have been better. 

I understand though the dilema in that I'm an emotional person and often enough it's difficult to have conversations with me because i can't keep hold of my emotions for long. So in part i do cause them to either lie or withhold problems as to not have to deal with the fallout.

But you are a paranoid squirrelly untrusting person

HOW DARE YOU ???

 i feel like tc is trying to advise u based on how he wants u to be towards him, for his own gain. i think your instincts are on point and u don't have to trust anyone if they give u a bad or dodgy vibe. instinct is there for a reason.