Sociopath Community

Turncoat, I've never even hit Jim for doing anything he did to me. I stayed with him even after he beat and raped me several times. I only left because he threatened to kill me, shattered glass over my head and stole my passport. I have a high tolerance for annoying and evil things. I am great with children because i am so patient and I enjoy making people happy. I tried my best to put our past behind me because i love Jim, even still. I miss him every day. I know he has issues and struggles and it's not his fault that he is more prone to doing mean things, but it is his fault for acting on them and for lying to people about me. I was nothing but nice to him. I paid for literally everything, including counseling, and I am the furthest thing from a narc because I actually care about people and I listen to them and try my best to make them happy or have fun. Jim never listened to me and I never did anything to him because of it. I just told him that he wasnt listening and repeated myself.

The worst thing that I did was scream because we were talking for hours about something and I kept telling him that I wasnt talking about that anymore because I understood what he was saying, and he kept trying to clarify, when I kept telling him I understood and was passed that point. I told him what I was talking about over and over and over again and he literally never listened. I almost pulled my hair out as I screamed in desperation. This made him listen and understand that he wasnt listening. He even apologized because he acknowledged that I was right and he wasn't listening. This happened thousands of times before and that is why he never understood anything about me or what I wanted, needed, or cared about. I literally always listened to him. If my son does this, i will never get frustrated because he is just a kid. I understand that kids dont understand things yet because they only know what you teach them. They are NEVER to blame, and even when they decided to do something, I know there was a reason and that is what i will talk to my kid about. Not what he did or didnt do, but why. I was a kid and I saw the mistakes of my parents. I analyzed them and saw where they came from and how to fix them. I know how to raise a kid because I have been researching and practicing my entire life. I have been in the big brothers, big sisters program and mentored children without ever seeing them as sexual beings.

I have learned through experience how to control myself and how to let kids be kids, while gently guiding them in the right direction. I will be a great mom and I know this because I have the will to be a great mom. My friend already offered to be the sperm donor because he knows how hard it was for me to decide to get an abortion, even though I love God, the kid, and Jim. He knows how much I want a kid and how much I want to cut all ties with my terrible turkey experience. He knows I will be a great mom and will do whatever it takes to make sure my kids are safe and happy because he was there when I was doing my research, when I was mentoring kids, and when I was analyzing my parent's behavior and mapping it on to myself and my siblings and how we turned out the way we did.

God has given me a sign that I dont need a guy to marry me to make my children's lives as great as possible. All I need is him. He sent me my childhood friend back to be the supporting father without having to be my husband. I can count on him and he wants a kid without the financial responsibility, so it is literally a perfect fit. He lives next door to me now, and promised he always will, so our kid will know he always has his father around because he is loved. I would never have been able to do that with Jim's kid, so this abortion was meant to be. This is the only way I can ensure my kids will be safe, happy, and healthy, fully US citizens and can never be taken away. We will share custody every other day and will put our kid in therapy to make sure the situation isnt effecting him negatively. Also to ensure no matter who calls CPS, that we have a trained therapist who knows our kids and his habits so they can say without a doubt that our kid has never been molested. I know what I am doing, thanks to God.

This is how you know Jim is lying. I never talked to the therapist about pedophilia at all. It never came up, and we never talked about any emotional stuff either. We talked about Jim the entire time. He lies through his teeth and Turncoat, the idiot, believes him. Shows how gullible you are.

You're spending an awful lot of time and energy trying to dispel this. 

Turncoat said: 

You're spending an awful lot of time and energy trying to dispel this. 

 I am well aware. It is important to me. 

Seems more like defensive triggering and reputation damage control. 

In your humble opinion, what would you say were your share of the mistakes made in this relationship? 

Okay so I read your long-posts a second time: 

KillMe said:

The worst thing that I did was scream because we were talking for hours about something and I kept telling him that I wasnt talking about that anymore because I understood what he was saying, and he kept trying to clarify, when I kept telling him I understood and was passed that point. I told him what I was talking about over and over and over again and he literally never listened. I almost pulled my hair out as I screamed in desperation. This made him listen and understand that he wasnt listening. He even apologized because he acknowledged that I was right and he wasn't listening. This happened thousands of times before and that is why he never understood anything about me or what I wanted, needed, or cared about. I literally always listened to him.

This is making you sound verbally abusive. You didn't feel heard, so you yelled, screamed, and made a gigantic scene until he'd back down and apologize to calm you down. "Feeling unheard" is more of an expression of the ego typically than an actual reality (assuming it's not otherwise self inflicted), as usually the listener is at least trying. 

Shit, no wonder he was snapping around you though. Do you know what being yelled at does to a person when it becomes an ingrained expectation, let alone yelling at a guy with a history of triggers related to it? I'm not justifying the physical reactions, but you aren't really an innocent party here either. You bringing up his childhood when shit's already tense and sensitive, in yelling tones meant to fuck with his head... like what did you expect? That's not even safe to do at perfect strangers. It's literally why "Yo Mamma Jokes" were born. 

You seem more like you understand that, as long as he's escalated further than you have, that he's "in the wrong". This however does not excuse literally yelling at him until he's either triggered or cowed into apologizing, and you're the sort to really twist some salt and lemon into a wound when he's not actively fighting back. 

I'm not "victim blaming", I'm blaming both parties. His case however admits to faults of his own and has him actively seeking help, while you're going on weird flights of fancy with tons of inconsistent behaviors to show for it, ranting about good and evil and shit. 

KillMe said:

I have been in the big brothers, big sisters program and mentored children without ever seeing them as sexual beings.

 

I have learned through experience how to control myself and how to let kids be kids, while gently guiding them in the right direction.

I'm sorry, what? 

KillMe said:

My friend already offered to be the sperm donor because he knows how hard it was for me to decide to get an abortion, even though I love God, the kid, and Jim. He knows how much I want a kid and how much I want to cut all ties with my terrible turkey experience. He knows I will be a great mom and will do whatever it takes to make sure my kids are safe and happy because he was there when I was doing my research, when I was mentoring kids, and when I was analyzing my parent's behavior and mapping it on to myself and my siblings and how we turned out the way we did.

He sent me my childhood friend back to be the supporting father without having to be my husband. I can count on him and he wants a kid without the financial responsibility, so it is literally a perfect fit. He lives next door to me now, and promised he always will, so our kid will know he always has his father around because he is loved.

Is this guy even real?

He sounds wicked convenient. 

She used to justify yelling and calling me names with "Because you don't listen / understand" which means in her mind she can insult people who don't listen to her or please her. The fundamental problem seems to be a narcissistic sense of entitlement to being listened to or having what she wants plus a lack of respect. She would fix her behavior if I left her for 1-2 days because she was afraid of being ditched but would return to being subtly insulting and condescending very soon.

She feels herself clever when she cloaks insults and adds passive aggressive jabs as if it absolves her of guilt. Also likes to constantly compare my country to hers, my educations to hers etc. Seems to be fueled by her feeling bad that I have a source of income while she needs student loans/parents/a man to survive.

She doesn't stop yelling at you or insulting or poking at your insecurities or triggers until you hit her then she calls you an asshole for it. Talk about narcissism.

I put up with her character flaws and bile because I was at a low point in my life (my ex ditched me) but the contempt and hate that comes out of her erodes your self image and the gaslighting starts to mess with your reality.

When we were at the hospital I asked her why she didn't get her ID and she replied "because I was searching for your belt and forgot about it". When we came home and I told her why she blamed me for it she denied then pouted.

When she was making fun of my abuse my face displayed hurt apparently and she grinned and gave me a fake condescending hug and was definitely feeling victorious. She's clearly sadistic and has no moral compass.

When you call her out on something she goes into the room and ignores you for 24 hours as punishment, like a little girl. At the beginning it was cute but to my surprise I figured out I don't really wanna date a child. I'd like to thank her for curing my pedophilia I guess.

She tried to use my short term memory issues to make me believe I didn't hear what I hear and also tried to make me doubt what she said. When you press on it she blames you and tells you that you made her do it.

When she feels like she's losing an argument she starts to talk to you like a child or insult you in a desperate attempt to regain control. Talk about insecure and weak. She just can't stay calm during an argument. She resorts to mocking you in a voice or doing the shaniqua hand move or raising her voice because she can't control her emotions.

She argued with me for an hour about how people think she's attractive using charts and yelling big wide eyes and screaming about the definitions of "fact" "evidence". It wasn't the arguing but how her eyes were bulging huge and her face was full red, I can't lie I was a little scared.

The sum is that she's a very difficult and annoying person to live and love. I tried to love her and alot of the times I let her have it during arguments but she's just impossible to put up with. I've ignored the warning calls of all the guys she met and I realized I was an idiot.

She's a massive pain in the ass and a burden to deal with, and I feel sorry for the next guy that deals with her. I was depressed but confident in myself and my reality perception before meeting her. She hates me comparing her to my mom when she behaves exactly in ways I told her that mom did. Talk about trauma repetition.

The more she realized that I'll stick around and tolerate her BS the more disrespectful she became. If you want her best side you gotta keep her as a hook up / weekly date where she'll be on her best behavior for a day.

I wish I could've had a vulnerable and open relationship with her. Her hunger for power and victory is too high though. She wants to dominate and hurt instead of come to an agreement and make love.

I'm off to get more therapy and recover. This was my lesson to not deal with women with NPD. She's an insufferable developmental arrested child and I'm glad I got rid of her.

I'm doing this exercise because I've been feeling deprived of motherly affection and love again

https://lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk/users/3881-maxine-harley/posts/17933-how-to-heal-and-re-parent-your-inner-child

I'm starting to feel somewhat better. Combined with the EMDR I'm going to be free of this need soon.

I've received an advance of 1000$ so now I can get more therapy sessions. Yay!

Isn't there a recording of her saying her preferred age range is 5 to 8, white,  blonde little girls?

I fear to think if she had a kid and that kid had friends over that happened to fit those requirements 

Yikes