I revealed my and CS's pedo tendencies to her.
That's brave as shit, good for you. Did being able to communicate about it here for so long make that admission easier to do?
She said she had pedo clients before so she's not suprised.
Lucky you, a lot of therapists here anyway are liable to go full blown stigma instead of separating themselves from the patient.
It'd be so nice if the majority of therapists could actually do their job. I'm happy to hear you got someone with a sympathetic yet problem-solving ear (from the sounds of it so far).
She asked me if I'm worried CS might do something to our kid. I said yes. She advised me to contact CPS in California with messages of CS admitting to wanting to molest kids.
...yeah holy shit I didn't even think about how things would go down with her raising a kid.
Did you ever have friends who would go on and on about how their mother never shuts up about their estranged father? Did you ever hear of people who were abused for resembling their father/rapist by their mothers growing up? This is going to be your kid, alongside whatever other sorts of crazy narc flights of fancy take her when she's supposed to be focusing on her kid.
What do you imagine she'll do if her kid ever sasses her? The kid'll look like you and won't be respecting her inevitably somewhere down the line, so what'll happen to the kid once that surfaces?
I've met more than enough people who were raised by narc-moms, even one who went to college and lived in the dorms while giving her kid cigarettes as payment for raising his siblings for her with barely enough money to feed them all. That kinda stress on a kid tends to lead to early drug consumption, which in itself at earlier ages can lead to pronounced expressions of mental, physical, and emotional stunting.
If you need a minute to consider the dangers your future kid's liable to be in, check your old hunting grounds: r/raisedbynarcissists/
She told me the story of a rich pedophile that did some sessions with her. Apparently he was British. Color me shocked.
The Brits whole "King and Country" thing's about hierarchy and perceived power within roles. It doesn't shock me in the slightest.
His words: "Yeah kid, just smile and think of England ehehe~"
His thoughts: "Bitch I am England!"
It's not too different from how I've seen some Catholics go, just replace England with God.
She mentioned how CS laughed about her brothers death in therapy. Told me that she's in denial about her pedophilia tendencies and emotional issues while I'm open and vulnerable which gives me more hope to recover. This was def good for my ego.
...doesn't this break patient/doctor confidentiality, or did you witness this with the therapist as some sort of couple's therapy?
She said that me being into little girls was me being stuck mentally at an age when I had a 7 year old gf (same age me) and my mom beat me brutally, which caused me to stay mentally 7 and be attracted to girls the age I was in when I was abused most severely. And that CS is into little girls is because she's identifying with the little girls (she was also raped)
I mean you've basically demonstrated that it's about power.
It's such a conundrum though. You want to provide for them and have them be happy, likely as a reflection of how you were with your mother, but that parallel also means the room to be triggered in the ways that your mother did to you too.
If you want healthy relationships with people, you'll need to find ways to stop comparing them to your mother. Sure, your need to fulfill her narc-mom desires being mirrored onto how you treat your significant other looks good on paper, but it's really about you trying to maintain control over an active volcano of feelings you're just starting to recognize and grasp as you get older.
Your need to give them what they want isn't just indulgent, but a need to keep things under control if it's in relation to modeling off of your childhood. If you were to express less fear, you'd likely not need to control the situation as much either and could finally let yourself relax.
I think you would benefit from finding an equal, a peer, instead of someone beneath you who can usurp your processes.
I told her about the turkish girl I met yesterday and she told me to not date until I am fully recovered because I'll be repeating the same mistakes.
Solid advice imo.
"Try dating yourself for a little bit."
I am hopeful that I'll become a healthier happier person and find a good healthy woman to marry and have the family I never felt I had. A real family. Finally.
I'm here to listen as usual, and I can be here to offer my two cents as a bachelor's level second opinion.
Good luck.
My entire life, all I have ever wanted was a family. I wanted to raise the perfect children. Thanks to you and Jim, I will be getting an abortion. I will not let you guys ruin my name and all that I have ever valued. I will have a kid with a guy who is not a rapist or a wife beating liar. I will have my kid be with his father and me, just to prove that I am not as evil as Jim and would never touch a kid like that. God will forgive me for this, but I know now that it is something I must do. Good thing I am in the US and abortions are quick, and easy. Fuck you and fuck Jim. You are stupif if you truly believe that Jim is the innocent party here, and that I will mess up my kid and blame him for anything. To me, a kid is a miracle and gets 100% of my attention because I created him.
My child will be the luckiest person in the world because i care so much about him/her that i am willing to give up anything and everythingfor it, no matter who the father is. I am just glad I looked at this site when I did because I would have given Jim the honor of being a father, when he doesnt even deserve to live, in my opinion.
To me, nothing else matters, but to make sure that my child grows up safe and secure, I know that Jim can't be the father. He will hurt me and my child if he gets the chance. He has made you think that I would be capable of doing harm to my child and he has threatened to call CPS to get my child taken away. If I will not be able to raise my own kid, and it has Jim's DNA, it will become evil and I can't unleash evil into this world. I need to give the kid God to counteract Jim's evil, manipulative Genes and the only way to ensure that evil does not corrupt Jim's kid, is to make sure it never exists. He doesnt deserve to mix his inferior Gene's with mine anyway, so this is why I am getting an abortion. I will finally be done with Jim, and I will finally be done with this site. I hope you are happy.
