Sociopath Community

An article from a recovered addict with trauma- also an immigrant: 

https://iloverecovery.com/the-tangled-labyrinth-of-a-chaotic-childhood-kyczy-hawk/?fbclid=IwAR004SSBslIuCBu796b0Zaq5kx4QxdlDzJchKXLW5Qae_smn0D0w6qXzM88 

ACA group c-ptsd book:

 https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/ref=asc_df_1492871842/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312089933244&hvpos=1o2&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17216732313508634178&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9011791&hvtargid=pla-489307774527&psc=1 

My DBT therapy workbook I did alongside a therapist’s guidance: 

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=asc_df_1572245131/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=266184041033&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13276458958570181698&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9011791&hvtargid=pla-437102392715&psc=1 

Free PDF access to the Narcotics anonymous “basic text” (the book we follow alongside our meetings- meant to be read/worked on in private and then discussed with sponsor and in the NA meetings). It comes with questions at the end of every reading and it’s important to answer these questions, writing them down by hand in a journal. 

http://dev.coastalcarolinaarea.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/b_t.pdf 

Alcoholics Anonymous uses the “big book” rather than the basic text, if you prefer to look into that. But NA covers all substances and makes no distinction. 

Living clean book: also a great read, more for people who’ve been in the NA program a while. My sponsor uses this and chairs a lot of meetings talking about topics or sharing excerpts from this book 

https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Living_Clean_The_Journey_Continues?id=T0uNCgAAQBAJ&hl=en_US 

Free online NA meetings at InTheRooms.com, along with AA, ACA, CMA (Crystal meth), women in recovery, Trauma and the 12 steps, and so many more great meetings, as well as lots of other recovery resource materials to read. I like the daily meditations and the seeds of affirmation/seeds of hope. 

the workbooks I did in rehab, i would love to share but unfortunately i can’t find the source online. I have them here with me so i could share them but it’s like, an entire book lol. 8 chapters. And it’s mainly abotu self worth, self esteem. 

Also i loved this book: 

https://www.amazon.com/Hardwiring-Happiness-Science-Contentment-Confidence/dp/0385347332/ref=asc_df_0385347332/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312031138203&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=297116625515324055&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9011791&hvtargid=pla-519054361637&psc=1 

And this film: 

Bossroach said: 

I revealed my and CS's pedo tendencies to her. 

That's brave as shit, good for you. Did being able to communicate about it here for so long make that admission easier to do? 

She said she had pedo clients before so she's not suprised.

Lucky you, a lot of therapists here anyway are liable to go full blown stigma instead of separating themselves from the patient. 

It'd be so nice if the majority of therapists could actually do their job. I'm happy to hear you got someone with a sympathetic yet problem-solving ear (from the sounds of it so far). 

She asked me if I'm worried CS might do something to our kid. I said yes. She advised me to contact CPS in California with messages of CS admitting to wanting to molest kids. 

...yeah holy shit I didn't even think about how things would go down with her raising a kid. 

Did you ever have friends who would go on and on about how their mother never shuts up about their estranged father? Did you ever hear of people who were abused for resembling their father/rapist by their mothers growing up? This is going to be your kid, alongside whatever other sorts of crazy narc flights of fancy take her when she's supposed to be focusing on her kid. 

What do you imagine she'll do if her kid ever sasses her? The kid'll look like you and won't be respecting her inevitably somewhere down the line, so what'll happen to the kid once that surfaces? 

I've met more than enough people who were raised by narc-moms, even one who went to college and lived in the dorms while giving her kid cigarettes as payment for raising his siblings for her with barely enough money to feed them all. That kinda stress on a kid tends to lead to early drug consumption, which in itself at earlier ages can lead to pronounced expressions of mental, physical, and emotional stunting. 

If you need a minute to consider the dangers your future kid's liable to be in, check your old hunting grounds: r/raisedbynarcissists/

She told me the story of a rich pedophile that did some sessions with her. Apparently he was British. Color me shocked. 

The Brits whole "King and Country" thing's about hierarchy and perceived power within roles. It doesn't shock me in the slightest. 

His words: "Yeah kid, just smile and think of England ehehe~"

His thoughts: "Bitch I am England!" 

It's not too different from how I've seen some Catholics go, just replace England with God. 

She mentioned how CS laughed about her brothers death in therapy. Told me that she's in denial about her pedophilia tendencies and emotional issues while I'm open and vulnerable which gives me more hope to recover. This was def good for my ego.

...doesn't this break patient/doctor confidentiality, or did you witness this with the therapist as some sort of couple's therapy? 

She said that me being into little girls was me being stuck mentally at an age when I had a 7 year old gf (same age me) and my mom beat me brutally, which caused me to stay mentally 7 and be attracted to girls the age I was in when I was abused most severely. And that CS is into little girls is because she's identifying with the little girls (she was also raped)

I mean you've basically demonstrated that it's about power. 

It's such a conundrum though. You want to provide for them and have them be happy, likely as a reflection of how you were with your mother, but that parallel also means the room to be triggered in the ways that your mother did to you too. 

If you want healthy relationships with people, you'll need to find ways to stop comparing them to your mother. Sure, your need to fulfill her narc-mom desires being mirrored onto how you treat your significant other looks good on paper, but it's really about you trying to maintain control over an active volcano of feelings you're just starting to recognize and grasp as you get older. 

Your need to give them what they want isn't just indulgent, but a need to keep things under control if it's in relation to modeling off of your childhood. If you were to express less fear, you'd likely not need to control the situation as much either and could finally let yourself relax. 

I think you would benefit from finding an equal, a peer, instead of someone beneath you who can usurp your processes. 

I told her about the turkish girl I met yesterday and she told me to not date until I am fully recovered because I'll be repeating the same mistakes.

Solid advice imo. 

"Try dating yourself for a little bit." 

I am hopeful that I'll become a healthier happier person and find a good healthy woman to marry and have the family I never felt I had. A real family. Finally.

I'm here to listen as usual, and I can be here to offer my two cents as a bachelor's level second opinion.

Good luck. 

I just did something self love / reparenting inner child and I'm not sure if I like the results.

I heard myself telling myself "I love you Jim. I'm always behind you. You come first. I'll help you fight the world."

Then I also heard myself "Make them pay for what they did to you. It's you vs them now. None of them matter, you do"

I'm not sure if I'm liking this. It seems there's a switch between self hate and narcissism and nothing inbetween.

This sounds like splitting which is commmon in bpd. 

No matter what Works for you and what doesn’t it’s important to keep searching and trying new things. Also it’s important to understand that treatment doesn’t always work right away. 

A lot of things take repeated practice and then you start to see improvement later, like strengthening a muscle or learning to pitch a ball faster and faster. Practice doesn’t make perfect it makes easier. 

Thank u blancy chan <3

Turncoat said: 

Bossroach said: 

I revealed my and CS's pedo tendencies to her. 

That's brave as shit, good for you. Did being able to communicate about it here for so long make that admission easier to do? 

She said she had pedo clients before so she's not suprised.

Lucky you, a lot of therapists here anyway are liable to go full blown stigma instead of separating themselves from the patient. 

It'd be so nice if the majority of therapists could actually do their job. I'm happy to hear you got someone with a sympathetic yet problem-solving ear (from the sounds of it so far). 

She asked me if I'm worried CS might do something to our kid. I said yes. She advised me to contact CPS in California with messages of CS admitting to wanting to molest kids. 

...yeah holy shit I didn't even think about how things would go down with her raising a kid. 

Did you ever have friends who would go on and on about how their mother never shuts up about their estranged father? Did you ever hear of people who were abused for resembling their father/rapist by their mothers growing up? This is going to be your kid, alongside whatever other sorts of crazy narc flights of fancy take her when she's supposed to be focusing on her kid. 

What do you imagine she'll do if her kid ever sasses her? The kid'll look like you and won't be respecting her inevitably somewhere down the line, so what'll happen to the kid once that surfaces? 

I've met more than enough people who were raised by narc-moms, even one who went to college and lived in the dorms while giving her kid cigarettes as payment for raising his siblings for her with barely enough money to feed them all. That kinda stress on a kid tends to lead to early drug consumption, which in itself at earlier ages can lead to pronounced expressions of mental, physical, and emotional stunting. 

If you need a minute to consider the dangers your future kid's liable to be in, check your old hunting grounds: r/raisedbynarcissists/

She told me the story of a rich pedophile that did some sessions with her. Apparently he was British. Color me shocked. 

The Brits whole "King and Country" thing's about hierarchy and perceived power within roles. It doesn't shock me in the slightest. 

His words: "Yeah kid, just smile and think of England ehehe~"

His thoughts: "Bitch I am England!" 

It's not too different from how I've seen some Catholics go, just replace England with God. 

She mentioned how CS laughed about her brothers death in therapy. Told me that she's in denial about her pedophilia tendencies and emotional issues while I'm open and vulnerable which gives me more hope to recover. This was def good for my ego.

...doesn't this break patient/doctor confidentiality, or did you witness this with the therapist as some sort of couple's therapy? 

She said that me being into little girls was me being stuck mentally at an age when I had a 7 year old gf (same age me) and my mom beat me brutally, which caused me to stay mentally 7 and be attracted to girls the age I was in when I was abused most severely. And that CS is into little girls is because she's identifying with the little girls (she was also raped)

I mean you've basically demonstrated that it's about power. 

It's such a conundrum though. You want to provide for them and have them be happy, likely as a reflection of how you were with your mother, but that parallel also means the room to be triggered in the ways that your mother did to you too. 

If you want healthy relationships with people, you'll need to find ways to stop comparing them to your mother. Sure, your need to fulfill her narc-mom desires being mirrored onto how you treat your significant other looks good on paper, but it's really about you trying to maintain control over an active volcano of feelings you're just starting to recognize and grasp as you get older. 

Your need to give them what they want isn't just indulgent, but a need to keep things under control if it's in relation to modeling off of your childhood. If you were to express less fear, you'd likely not need to control the situation as much either and could finally let yourself relax. 

I think you would benefit from finding an equal, a peer, instead of someone beneath you who can usurp your processes. 

I told her about the turkish girl I met yesterday and she told me to not date until I am fully recovered because I'll be repeating the same mistakes.

Solid advice imo. 

"Try dating yourself for a little bit." 

I am hopeful that I'll become a healthier happier person and find a good healthy woman to marry and have the family I never felt I had. A real family. Finally.

I'm here to listen as usual, and I can be here to offer my two cents as a bachelor's level second opinion.

Good luck. 

 I swear to God I would never touch any kid in my life and he knows that. I kept telling him not to even talk about that. I hate that part of me and I came here to find someone who would also never hurt a kid even though they have issues too. This is so messed up. How could anyone ever believe I would ever do anything to my own kid. First off, I am not attracted to black people. Second, would never hurt my own kids because I want them to have a perfect life, and lastly, I am not the one with self control issues. Please stop spreading lies and trying to make people look as bad as you. I have never lied about anyone else, so why lie about me? 

Turncoat said: 

Bossroach said: 

I revealed my and CS's pedo tendencies to her. 

That's brave as shit, good for you. Did being able to communicate about it here for so long make that admission easier to do? 

She said she had pedo clients before so she's not suprised.

Lucky you, a lot of therapists here anyway are liable to go full blown stigma instead of separating themselves from the patient. 

It'd be so nice if the majority of therapists could actually do their job. I'm happy to hear you got someone with a sympathetic yet problem-solving ear (from the sounds of it so far). 

She asked me if I'm worried CS might do something to our kid. I said yes. She advised me to contact CPS in California with messages of CS admitting to wanting to molest kids. 

...yeah holy shit I didn't even think about how things would go down with her raising a kid. 

Did you ever have friends who would go on and on about how their mother never shuts up about their estranged father? Did you ever hear of people who were abused for resembling their father/rapist by their mothers growing up? This is going to be your kid, alongside whatever other sorts of crazy narc flights of fancy take her when she's supposed to be focusing on her kid. 

What do you imagine she'll do if her kid ever sasses her? The kid'll look like you and won't be respecting her inevitably somewhere down the line, so what'll happen to the kid once that surfaces? 

I've met more than enough people who were raised by narc-moms, even one who went to college and lived in the dorms while giving her kid cigarettes as payment for raising his siblings for her with barely enough money to feed them all. That kinda stress on a kid tends to lead to early drug consumption, which in itself at earlier ages can lead to pronounced expressions of mental, physical, and emotional stunting. 

If you need a minute to consider the dangers your future kid's liable to be in, check your old hunting grounds: r/raisedbynarcissists/

She told me the story of a rich pedophile that did some sessions with her. Apparently he was British. Color me shocked. 

The Brits whole "King and Country" thing's about hierarchy and perceived power within roles. It doesn't shock me in the slightest. 

His words: "Yeah kid, just smile and think of England ehehe~"

His thoughts: "Bitch I am England!" 

It's not too different from how I've seen some Catholics go, just replace England with God. 

She mentioned how CS laughed about her brothers death in therapy. Told me that she's in denial about her pedophilia tendencies and emotional issues while I'm open and vulnerable which gives me more hope to recover. This was def good for my ego.

...doesn't this break patient/doctor confidentiality, or did you witness this with the therapist as some sort of couple's therapy? 

She said that me being into little girls was me being stuck mentally at an age when I had a 7 year old gf (same age me) and my mom beat me brutally, which caused me to stay mentally 7 and be attracted to girls the age I was in when I was abused most severely. And that CS is into little girls is because she's identifying with the little girls (she was also raped)

I mean you've basically demonstrated that it's about power. 

It's such a conundrum though. You want to provide for them and have them be happy, likely as a reflection of how you were with your mother, but that parallel also means the room to be triggered in the ways that your mother did to you too. 

If you want healthy relationships with people, you'll need to find ways to stop comparing them to your mother. Sure, your need to fulfill her narc-mom desires being mirrored onto how you treat your significant other looks good on paper, but it's really about you trying to maintain control over an active volcano of feelings you're just starting to recognize and grasp as you get older. 

Your need to give them what they want isn't just indulgent, but a need to keep things under control if it's in relation to modeling off of your childhood. If you were to express less fear, you'd likely not need to control the situation as much either and could finally let yourself relax. 

I think you would benefit from finding an equal, a peer, instead of someone beneath you who can usurp your processes. 

I told her about the turkish girl I met yesterday and she told me to not date until I am fully recovered because I'll be repeating the same mistakes.

Solid advice imo. 

"Try dating yourself for a little bit." 

I am hopeful that I'll become a healthier happier person and find a good healthy woman to marry and have the family I never felt I had. A real family. Finally.

I'm here to listen as usual, and I can be here to offer my two cents as a bachelor's level second opinion.

Good luck. 

 Yeah I guess, the things the doctor said definitely break the confidentiality, but this is Turkey xD

I'm definitely going to look for someone who's more on my level (financially independent / has a skill for income), tech oriented and vulnerable/open as I am, I think there will be way less friction this way.

Little Tyroach is always welcome to see his daddy in Turkey and I'll make sure he knows that. He probably won't want to leave once I take him around a few clubs in Istanbul xd

I only hope his mommy won't make him hate himself for being black like she does. Or give him perfectionism and make him feel like he's only worth his achievements just like CS's mom made her feel like. I want my son to be a carefree confident chill guy instead of a neurotic achievement chaser. I was the latter always and it fucked my life up. I've been feeling better since I focused on love/fun rather than achievements for the past 2 years. I don't want my son to go the same roads I went down

I'm in the process of going into a non-serious rebound relationship just to fill the void and feel some female attention, but I won't get serious and connect emotionally deeply like this. I'm going to focus on my self healing and goals because I wanna attract stable women with good self esteem this time, crazy bitches are fun only for 1 week then welcome to hell.

Thanks for your support! We already talk on Skype and here but I'd like to get your phone or something closer instead.

KillMe said:

 I swear to God I would never touch any kid in my life and he knows that. I kept telling him not to even talk about that. I hate that part of me and I came here to find someone who would also never hurt a kid even though they have issues too. This is so messed up. How could anyone ever believe I would ever do anything to my own kid. First off, I am not attracted to black people. Second, would never hurt my own kids because I want them to have a perfect life, and lastly, I am not the one with self control issues. Please stop spreading lies and trying to make people look as bad as you. I have never lied about anyone else, so why lie about me? 

 Not molesting your own kids because they're black is kinda racist.

Bossroach said:

Little Tyroach is always welcome to see his daddy in Turkey and I'll make sure he knows that. He probably won't want to leave once I take him around a few clubs in Istanbul xd

Your reputation's liable to precede you through her perspective having been on repeat at first. Still, enough time ought to undo anything that doesn't actually fit the reality. 

I'm in the process of going into a non-serious rebound relationship just to fill the void and feel some female attention, but I won't get serious and connect emotionally deeply like this.

I'm with your therapist on this one, this is a transference risk. 

Thanks for your support! We already talk on Skype and here but I'd like to get your phone or something closer instead.

I'll let you know when I throw myself back into the world of phones.