Sociopath Community

Turncoat said: 

How does someone just control their inner dialogue? 

 mindfulness exercises and medication lol 

I used to have a super negative inner voice, and a super anxious one as well. 

I didn't realize how abnormal this was till I tried medication, got a break from it. 

and now if it does occur I try my best to notice it or catch myself but 

it takes deep personal work, on the daily. reflection. in a healthy environment. 

that's what group meetings help me do… its hard to explain but the group meetings make a difference in my ability to think healthily as an individual and correct or contrast the negative shit in my head 

without contrast or being told to think differently, I'll just naturally believe it. 

but yeah also introspection through growth inducing activities like reading for example and, also like journaling. reflecting, analyzing, deconstructing, learning. 

and then uh… therapy. 

Then fight yourself with love

self love was one of the earliest discoveries I made in my recovery too jim and it was a huge first step. 

continue practicing this adamantly it will serve you well on your journey and turn into growth 

thanks blancy

did it work for u? u sometimes say ur depressed still

my therapist explained that healing from my diagnoses will naturally have its ups and downs 

self love will be your resilience but u must strengthen it like a muscle 

 and remember to practice it deliberately in trying times 

practice makes easier : ) 

I've been listening to this song and dancing in my room. I feel happy for the first time in 2 weeks. I need to take care of myself more emotionally.

Blanc said: 

Turncoat said: 

How does someone just control their inner dialogue? 

mindfulness exercises and medication lol

Mindfulness exercises just keep myself under control. My core being is affected by it, not some facet of me. 

I used to have a super negative inner voice, and a super anxious one as well. 

I feel like this notion of "inner voice" is an aim to separate ourselves from it, but everything that comes from us is us, we're just along for the ride. The illusion cast by consciousness and memory does not denote our own control, merely our likelihood to defend that it justifies our own reality.

Being "along for the ride" though does not mean I ought to discount what things have influenced me however, just that it was never really a choice. 

I didn't realize how abnormal this was till I tried medication, got a break from it. 

For me it just changes "me". I can observe the cognitive dissonance between my former and current selves, but those two selves are still me. Identity is an inconsistent shapeshifting concept based upon the method acting of our own memories and the reputation imprinted on other's memories relatively, but all forms taken come from one core. 

The closest I've seen to an override switch is sheer behavioral conditioning. Something like listening to the same wordscapes over and over can change your own thought tendencies through sheer repetition. It's crazy, but shit like "Self Help Tapes" with relaxing backdrops can have subtle impacts on people if enough time is spent familiarizing themselves with the script. The words we carry in our heads influence us, and those words are acquired and change in meaning through exposure, but ultimately there is still one self, we've just shed who we once were. 

The splits are merely ego justifications so that one's core need not blame itself. I refuse to be that guy that's like "Well, my disorder did these things, not me" or "My inner dialogue makes me want to do bad things", because this shit is still me. If I am to understand and live with myself, I must take responsibility over every aspect of myself, even my episodes, or I should not be taken seriously from just living off of a foundation of rationalizations and justifications. 

Effectively, just because my memories are partitioned onto different bookshelves, that does not make those bookshelves separate people, and to say otherwise is to try to excuse myself of personal responsibility for the things that came from me no differently than my quote unquote "conscious self", or as I refer to it as; The Construct. Even when there's racing thoughts all talking over each other, this is not a "crowd of me", they don't all have names and shit, it's racing thoughts. If the thoughts happen to contradict, that doesn't mean that they aren't both inherently parts of me. 

Today the therapist asked me about my dreams and wanted to EMDR. I told her about a dream where CS opened a door, smiled to me, closed it and disappeared forever. I was feeling surprisingly happy in the dream, happy that she's going towards a more fulfilled happy life instead of being unhappy here.

She noted it down and then we started doing the EMDR.

She made me recall a sad memory from childhood of my mom beating me and locking me in my room. As soon as I closed my eyes and recalled I woke up on the floor with her and her assistant giving me water and asking me if I'm okay.

She decided to put off EMDR trauma treatment and continue with talk therapy instead because the memories and pain from the childhood abuse is too intense to deal with right now.

I am doing some inner child healing, self affirmation and positive self talk exercises now. God please help me cope because I feel I'm at my limit with everything. I am in constant mental pain and it's unbearable.