Sociopath Community

Let me explain. So this whole thing, all my blogs, my journals, my songs, it’s all just art. Blanc, is art. Everything I do here serves a purpose and it doesn’t make sense to you because you’re not the one orchestrating it. You will always experience it differently than the person creating it because you are the viewer and you will take from it what you will and have your own insights on it. That’s your own reflection. And the outcome of that is subjective. It’s interpretation though. 

it’s all open to interpretation. 

but everything I’m doing here, especially the journals, are art, which does serve a purpose for its creator. And it’s not going to make sense to you like it does to me. I promise. 

But just understand that’s what this is. I’m just an artist making art to express things here. 

There. Wherever. 

my whole life is art, almost. If that makes any sense. 

it’s just art.

the person behind this art that you see, that’s someone else. But when you talk to me you think you’re talking to me, but really you’re talking to the art. 

and judging the person who made the art though you don’t know them at all or what it’s like to be in their life 

that’s why it frustrates me that tryp hates me for being an artist and that this is just what I do. And my own suffering is sometimes my muse a lot of the time for what I create but it doesn’t mean anything about me necessarily, as far as defining who I am as a person. (the person who wrote the art).  Or what I think, how I do things. What kind of person I am.

you don’t know this person at all. You think you do but you don’t. You just know the songs I wrote, the poetry, and the novels. 

its like saying you know jk Rowling because you read Harry Potter, and you know John Lennon because you listened to the yellow submarine album.

Blanc said:

Let me explain. So this whole thing, all my blogs, my journals, my songs, it’s all just art. Blanc, is art.

This again? 

Art comes from Life, it takes you for this art to happen. 

it’s derived from my life yeah but it’s not me it’s just art

yhats the whole point of why I do this so it can be art

You can’t wake them up no matter how hard you tried

It comes from you, so it is still you. 

Yeah that’s why I need to see a professional because I don’t know what’s real or not anymore 

and part of me just dismisses it all and goes into denial and is like “there aren’t really any problems here. Nope. You’re literally fine.” 

qns then there’s part of me that’s like “but-“ 

and then the other part is like *insert complex string of denial here that is so warped and confusing you somehow get lost in it* 

bit yeah idk what’s going on anymore I feel lost as fuck like. I literally don’t know what’s real because of that. 

because I have the author saying blanc was written and isn’t real and then I have times where I feel like I am blanc. And then saying that the author isn’t real and just a form of denying... like it’s a way for the author to deny Blancs existence becuase it’s too painful it has to be contained and denied in this way 

so like is the author real or is blanc real 

which one is fucking real they’re both pointing fingers at each other and denying each other’s existence 

And then there’s even deeper denial around that that’s like yeah you’re just making this up broh you don’t actually have any problems there’s nothing even going on you’re just being whatever like 

I wake up tomorrow, and I’ll be perfectly fine bro I don’t know what you’re talking about I’m just gonna make my coffee and head out and do my shit and none of this shit is even real bro I’m just busy being functional normal person yeah that’s right yep 

and then blanc on a random Thursday evening is like “nah that’s not me,...” 

And then outside of that is like, “but is it tho?” 

very hard to explain. 

I guess it would make more sense if I could lay out all these parts of myself but right now I don’t know if that’s just ptsd like experiences or if it’s more attune to osdd or bpd moods or bipolar or what ever the fuck maybe I’m schizo and I’ve lost my fucking mind like psychotic depression like I have no idea dude 

but yeah. Um.... there is intense denial about all of this so it’s really hard to speak about because a large part of me doesn’t believe it’s real lol 

The more I write the worse the denial gets and the disorder is constantly one upping me like. Any measures I make to find clarity just ends up furthering muddying the waters and tangling me deeper into it. 

And it doesn’t even make any sense anymore but somehow the denial still persists to the point where I literally don’t know what is real because to me nothing really is. 

and meanwhile it allows the problems you do have to manifest and worsen, and consume you. And wreak havoc in your life, affecting those closest to you. 

all they want is for you to get better and you can’t even see where you started, where you are at, or where you’re going. 

just sort of lost in it

Why don't you want to accept being the parts of yourself you don't like? 

My parts don’t want to accept reality I think or just don’t know how to navigate that

My brain blocks so much out at random times though I can’t even see it clearly if I tried even if I think I am I’m probably not 

I don’t remember stuff 

I would just say oh well fuck it but I need to heal from this there’s no other option I think it’s literally killing me