oh my god, this guy just blew my fucking mind but it makes so much sense and I’m so relieved because finally someone made It all make sense
like literally all the lingering pieces I just couldn’t put together or understand he connected the dots for me
So like. For example why people collapse between dissociative states, or believe they have disorders they do not like chronic fatigue or other pseudo disorders like hypochondria or even neurological disorders... like functional neurological disorders and even mutism in DID patients or autism in one particular ‘part’.... it explains The reason why addiction treatment is frequently so unsuccessful and why they become addicts in the first place. Why empaths aren’t really empaths, why borderlines think they’re psychopathic, and why psychopaths are so narcissistic, but narcissists appear more vulnerable than borderlines a lot of the time. It explains psychopathy as well.
It also explains why dissociative disorders appear to continually develop and get worse with age (meaning more fragmentation can occur rather than integration) and why people’s dissociative disorders do not “present” themselves in an overt way until something triggers it out or until much later in life! Or why some people’s do not ever come to the surface in an overt way.
And this is why I’ve been journaling so much because that’s what I’ve been trying to do is mindfulness in the present moment like he said this is the key to having total control and also it is the key to a fully integrated or whole sense of self and identity. And why some people have amnesia barriers and some do not- and why the amnesia barrier itself can vary...
It also explains why some people without trauma exaggerate their trauma or say they have things happen to them when they did not. Because they don’t understand how a gaslighting parent or a parent with splitting behavior or a parent wirh narcissistic abuse addiction or schizophregenic parenting styles or even negligence/ignoring behaviors and an unhealthy messy divorce essentially awakened unhealthy trauma processing and responses in their brain and their body. Even bullying. And how it all results in emotional dysregulation identity structural dissociation... somatoform disorders... ocd... eating disorders. Bpd, narcissism, aspd. Osdd, ptsd/cptsd, and DID
it also explains why I notice majority of DID channels on YouTube I’ve seen the people seem to themselbes have BPD as well or have been officially diagnosed BPD almost like it goes hand in hand- and why BPD contains dissociation- and why all the disorders run into each other like as if they are part of a grey scale... they’re NOT a grey scale though it’s more like a dynamic... sort of petal flower shape. They are dynamic and interlocking.
This is how someone with DID or OSDD can have BPD and PTSD and NPD and eating disorders all at the same time.
The current testing screening method is done with the grey scale structure theory... based on the level of dissociative experiences one has and the frequency of them. Which is totally bogus... and has nothing to do with diagnosing someone with any of these disorders.
He even explained anorexia man.
His opinions may be a bit ‘out there’ to a lot of people but I think he is on the right path and had the right approach to the issue studying all the information theories and opinions there appear to be.
atthe end he even touches on OCD thank god
ok and then he touches on evaluating stimuli and basically explains how traumatized people retraumatize their own selves or get stuck in bad patterns wowee (I do the isolating one) but this is even present in like school shooters for example is a really extreme example or like psychopaths who murder women this evaluating stimuli thing is super present in psychopaths... but I also notice it with borderlines and they make their own selves constantly anxious and are extremely fucking avoidant of things that normal balanced people are not like they shut off relationships because they saw one bad eyebrow twitch or they react really intensely to or have an intensity present in situations where it is not necessary
this if you combine it all sums up how this is a negative feedback type of disorder that essentially will continually worsen itself over time and get more and more far from reality
because he explained how forgetting and memory issues creates further dissociation, he explains how delusional pseudo memories and sonata form disorders form to create false traumas and trigger further dissociation and delusion and then the person isolates or reacts to this false stimuli in an false way retraumatizinf themselves or becoming isolatory becoming an echo chamber of self defeat in their own delusions and constant dissociation from one self resulting in further fragmentation
and then further trauma can occur even within a system and the person will just continue this cycle of forgetting dissociation delusions and pernicious evaluating stimuli over and over and over getting more and more sick.... also turning to behaviors like OCD, avoidant, and severe addiction
or they just snap and go full Emotional part or full emotionally numbed part ANP and go narc mode and both of these parts will either create havoc on themselves or on others in a very sick way that not a lot of people will understand
and then he wraps it up saying the ANP and ENP essentially tear themselves apart and destroy themselves from the inside out by being constantly opposing and at war with each other in very complex ways
im guilty of constriction yes. It was at its worst before I got mental help but I’m still guilty of it
This explains also why.... um. Why I have complete mental breakdowns at restaurants and dinner tables. Because my trauma is rooted in food with the eating disorder and OCD phobia thing I’m having panic attacks and feeling very overwhelmed or having emotional flashbacks to a time I’m not remembering but the body does.
I finally understand the true meaning of the book, “the body keeps score”
after this point I stopped writing down my thoughts until he mentions the collapse of the ANP which is where I am now in the video and I want to note that this is exactly what happened to me when I had my mental breakdown. This is why it is so frustrating for me for people not to believe I am an intelligent and functional person despite my disorders I suffer with now. I am in a much worse state than I once was in my life and in these times I did not remember a single shred of my trauma! I was completed amnesia dissociated from it and the ANP had complete control.
I was a very functional person during this time and not this same self a lot of you see now, you know the person who occurred after the collapse of the ANP who is much weaker than this self because it is not numb.
I experienced first hand this collapse and immediate inertia of trauma sort of slamming into me like a brick wall and it was really intense and eventually led to just a complete mental breakdown between my anxiety threshold being broken through and then the EP breaking through and suddenly experiencing everything that I was numbed to all at once including flash backs and panic attacks. It literally broke me. Or- I witnessed what it feels like to be broken in half by trauma and consequences of that.
i wound up hospitalized and had no idea why. I wish someone could of explained to me what was happened to me. Keep in mind at this time I didn’t even know what dissociation was! (But was experiencing it very severely)
it was all very confusing... and the issues I had, I began writing about them trying to figure it all out me trying to piece together a comprehensive picture so I can look at it all at once and go “ah, I see the problem. It’s this.” By logging everything I felt was relevant! (Which people thought was whining complaining but it is symptom tracking and self monitoring my reactions thoughts and emotions experiences etc)
and then correct it with the right therapuetic approach
but also the journaling was a form of mindfulness dbt and processing as well which is crucial in self compassion and also in forming whole picture of self or integration
