I find it easier to see my issues through observing issues in others. It gives a means of relativity.
Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
How don't you remember when it's all I've been doing.
I'm sure you see how feeling ignored, unheard, and unworthy of one's efforts being remembered kinda stings.I promise it’s not personal I just don’t know what you’re talking about.
I've been trying to not take it personally for years now, and seeing this issue of yours extend beyond me helps balm the sting a bit.
I don’t even remember meeting my own in laws, and I introduced myself to them twice. And then they told me I’d already met them.
I had zero recollection of ever meeting them in my life and they appeared to be total strangers to be but, we’d already had a full introduction already face to face. I just don’t remember things well sometimes and I don’t get to choose.
And it’s not like a matter of importance or what personally matters or doesn’t matter to me. My memory is just kinda patchy.
If you were less stubborn this would all be less of an issue.
Just try to keep an open mind about both the positive and negative stuff, as how you are now has you running loops and reruns like a hamster in a hamster wheel, and frankly your coping mechanisms look exhausting.
Otherwise if you really care about me enough to put in the effort you'd re-read all I've bothered to say to you, as it's been a lot.
read it where, in this thread specifically or...?
I find it easier to see my issues through observing issues in others. It gives a means of relativity.
This thinking is the epitome of psychological projection and narcissism. While observing issues in others may help you understand yourself it doesn't provide the objective perspective needed to understand another person. What you see in others is a reflection of yourself, but it doesn't mean your perception of others is accurate.
Your approach reveals more of a need to be the judge and jury than achieve legitimate understanding.
last edit on
1/1/2021 8:48:17 PM
I find it easier to see run away from my issues through observing issues in others. It gives a means of relativity avoiding the uncomfortable truth.
fixed
How don't you remember when it's all I've been doing.
I'm sure you see how feeling ignored, unheard, and unworthy of one's efforts being remembered kinda stings.I promise it’s not personal I just don’t know what you’re talking about.
I've been trying to not take it personally for years now, and seeing this issue of yours extend beyond me helps balm the sting a bit.
I don’t even remember meeting my own in laws, and I introduced myself to them twice. And then they told me I’d already met them.
I had zero recollection of ever meeting them in my life and they appeared to be total strangers to be but, we’d already had a full introduction already face to face. I just don’t remember things well sometimes and I don’t get to choose.
And it’s not like a matter of importance or what personally matters or doesn’t matter to me. My memory is just kinda patchy.
If you were less stubborn this would all be less of an issue.
Just try to keep an open mind about both the positive and negative stuff, as how you are now has you running loops and reruns like a hamster in a hamster wheel, and frankly your coping mechanisms look exhausting.
Otherwise if you really care about me enough to put in the effort you'd re-read all I've bothered to say to you, as it's been a lot.read it where, in this thread specifically or...?
Holy shit this is the most frustrating conversation in the world XD
no offence intended to either of you, but TC you are a terrible communicator and Blanc you are an awful listener.
a quick read of this thread and the main things he’s wanging on about is caffeine addiction and calling you a hypochondriac. Assuming those aren’t the mysterious ‘issue’ he’s referring to here, the forum search indicates TC has 136 posts quoting Blanc in the past 5 months. From a random selection of those I could be arsed to read, he’s asked you several times to define your sexuality, really wants to know what kind of penis you prefer and really, really, really wants you to listen to and pay attention to people more (but especially him). Incidentally, Blanc has made 27 posts in the same period quoting Turncoat, mostly one-word or one-sentence responses to multi-paragraph posts.
now, I’ll just put it out there, but the issue may be that he will passionately, ceaselessly adore you till the day you shuffle off this mortal coil and will continue to comment longingly on your every post till you tell him to stop and/or petition Good for the reinstatement of the block button.
you’re welcome
How don't you remember when it's all I've been doing.
I'm sure you see how feeling ignored, unheard, and unworthy of one's efforts being remembered kinda stings.I promise it’s not personal I just don’t know what you’re talking about.
I've been trying to not take it personally for years now, and seeing this issue of yours extend beyond me helps balm the sting a bit.
I don’t even remember meeting my own in laws, and I introduced myself to them twice. And then they told me I’d already met them.
I had zero recollection of ever meeting them in my life and they appeared to be total strangers to be but, we’d already had a full introduction already face to face. I just don’t remember things well sometimes and I don’t get to choose.
And it’s not like a matter of importance or what personally matters or doesn’t matter to me. My memory is just kinda patchy.
If you were less stubborn this would all be less of an issue.
Just try to keep an open mind about both the positive and negative stuff, as how you are now has you running loops and reruns like a hamster in a hamster wheel, and frankly your coping mechanisms look exhausting.
Otherwise if you really care about me enough to put in the effort you'd re-read all I've bothered to say to you, as it's been a lot.read it where, in this thread specifically or...?
Holy shit this is the most frustrating conversation in the world XD
no offence intended to either of you, but TC you are a terrible communicator and Blanc you are an awful listener.
You haven't read the months of talking to her, I've finally learned that she isn't going to see anything I'm saying. There was more effort before when it didn't seem hopeless, but honestly this will be Blanc until the day she dies.
a quick read of this thread and the main things he’s wanging on about is caffeine addiction and calling you a hypochondriac.
Exactly, "a quick read".
Assuming those aren’t the mysterious ‘issue’ he’s referring to here, the forum search indicates TC has 136 posts quoting Blanc in the past 5 months. From a random selection of those I could be arsed to read, he’s asked you several times to define your sexuality, really wants to know what kind of penis you prefer and really, really, really wants you to listen to and pay attention to people more (but especially him). Incidentally, Blanc has made 27 posts in the same period quoting Turncoat, mostly one-word or one-sentence responses to multi-paragraph posts.
It's been far, far more than 136 posts, you should refine your search.
What's wrong with her roots to her phase mindset: She can only conjure memories related to where her head's at in that moment while rebuking other ones that contradict her idealism (and it's unidealistic reflection). We can literally sit here for years narrating the same issues and she'll refuse to listen even to her own quotes. She's seriously worse than TBS when it comes to reruns and the entire forum (other than you apparently) has become a little too aware of it.
She does the whole "You just don't get it, I must not be explaining it right" thing, which in her case denotes her not understanding her own situation and why others would see contradictions. She stubbornly holds onto where she's at just as stubbornly as Med, but at least by comparison Med is remarkably consistent.
Blanc rather than accept that she changes her mind insists she has MPD over how stubbornly she insists to the contrary. It's easier for her to justify multiple personalities rather than hypochondriasis and a stubborn streak, and as time goes on her list of disorders grows into an absurdly long list rather than just look directly at the issues.
She calls it a bad memory, NOW, and that only came from reinforcing it over a super long period of time, but all it'd take is one day of believing otherwise and all that work will become repressed again. She only believes the "bad memory" narrative from it now being convenient to in the face of opposition, but it's closer to an inability to process the ideas while only 1/10th paying attention to other people.
Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
last edit on
1/2/2021 1:49:04 AM
“rather than just look directly at the issues.”
@Turncoat, what issues.
And have you ever thought that this is usually a large part of people’s recovery process is extreme difficulties with denial or dissociating in some way from reality once they feel unequipped or in an unsafe place to face it? Or they’ve been doing it so long they don’t even know they’re doing it and it’s completely unintentional and subconscious...
this is a corner stone in treating dissociative and trauma disorders is just sheer denial and getting frustrated with someone for that it doesn’t help speed up progress at all unfortunately
I’m a frustrating person to help, I don’t know this from having an accurate perspective on myself but I just know it from gauging several reactions I’ve seen from people that most people do find me frustrating, even trained professionals.
Ive had one therapist actually lose their chill and yelled at me giving me a lecture telling me to “stop pretending to be fine.” He was definitely ‘going off script’ and the veins were popping out of his forehead. Because he asked me what my coping mechanisms were and I said, “I just pretend to be fine” and he lost his absolute shit at me.
he said, “look at where you are, you’re in a freakin mental hopsotal. You’re not fine. And you’re going to end up right back in this place if you keep pretending to be fine and not addressing anything.”
It doesn’t make me stop though, because it’s a form of dissociation, and he was just a group counselor not an individual so, he didn’t know I have a tendency to dissociate engrained in me from years of abuse.
It’s just what my brain does I genuinely can’t help it.
As far as what issues you think I need to address I would love to know.
The entire point of this journal is to try to engage in dbt tactics as well as generate mindfulness and self awareness, create over sight, to what is going on with me.
I’m trying so hard to see myself but I don’t know if I am, I don’t know even know what I’m lookin for
this is all just a huge stab in the dark
from my perspective, of course I don’t have everything figured out. Can you really blame me for not having it all figured out
Healing isn’t measured by time like... it’s not like “ah yeah she’s been in therapy three years she should get it now” it’s a completely nonlinear process and far more complex than completing a race or studying for a test
it’s like “yep I did my homework all right and now I’m free from mental illness”
loke that’s not how it works man lol
it takes an extreme, extreme amount of patience
there is no “fixing” or end goal it’s just recovery and wellness
last edit on
1/2/2021 2:08:52 AM
i found this good to know. I didn’t know DPDR could affect memory. And it also helps me understand why (maybe why, I don’t really know) all the sudden out of the blue I had a really bad experience or ‘crisis’ with some of the things he’s describing.
for no reason at all it’s like someone turned on my anxiety switch one day and it wouldn’t stop and I was just panicking for three days straight. And then I thought I was better finally one morning enough to go out. And then I went out to a dog park and started experiencing intense suicidal ideation coupled with strange DP/DR symptoms like he’s describing and it was absolutely terrifying.
This was in 2017 before I was hospitalized and medicated. But no one explained to me what was happening to me or how it worked which could of greatly contributed to my recovery...
Blanc said:“rather than just look directly at the issues.”
@Turncoat, what issues.
Turncoat said:What's wrong with her roots to her phase mindset: She can only conjure memories related to where her head's at in that moment while rebuking other ones that contradict her idealism (and it's unidealistic reflection). We can literally sit here for years narrating the same issues and she'll refuse to listen even to her own quotes. She's seriously worse than TBS when it comes to reruns and the entire forum (other than you apparently) has become a little too aware of it.
She does the whole "You just don't get it, I must not be explaining it right" thing, which in her case denotes her not understanding her own situation and why others would see contradictions. She stubbornly holds onto where she's at just as stubbornly as Med, but at least by comparison Med is remarkably consistent.
Blanc rather than accept that she changes her mind insists she has MPD over how stubbornly she insists to the contrary. It's easier for her to justify multiple personalities rather than hypochondriasis and a stubborn streak, and as time goes on her list of disorders grows into an absurdly long list rather than just look directly at the issues.
She calls it a bad memory, NOW, and that only came from reinforcing it over a super long period of time, but all it'd take is one day of believing otherwise and all that work will become repressed again. She only believes the "bad memory" narrative from it now being convenient to in the face of opposition, but it's closer to an inability to process the ideas while only 1/10th paying attention to other people.
Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔