Sociopath Community

Turncoat said: 

Blanc said: 

Turncoat said: 

Blanc said:

This is so important to raise awareness about all the different forms of dissociation

Why? 

Because people may not know what they’re experiencing is called dissociation and is a reason to seek help 

Is this more urgent than other disorders when it comes to increasing awareness? I see a lot less dangers coming from dissociation than most others, and much of it's as a symptom of something instead of solely on it's own. 

it’s not more or less urgent than any other things people raise mental health awareness about. Mental health awareness in general is good but I feel like dissociation is less known about. I didn’t know what I was experiencing had a name, and I didn’t understand the way it’s categorized, or what these episodes meant. 

it can be really scary when you don’t know what’s happening. 

and the point about it being a symptom of something more than likely is the reason why awareness about it is important. Because sometimes people don’t know they have trauma or believe what they experience was not traumatic, or they’re unaware of an underlying diagnosis like bpd, etc. and so they just write off their symptoms instead of understanding, if you’re experiencing this it’s important to talk to a doc and get your mental health in check and understand your diagnosis and get some help. As they may be struggling with something that’s making their life worse and not even know it, or can end up reaching a crisis point from their diagnosis because they didn’t know they even had it and weren’t managing it properly. 

sometimes we think stuff is normal or can be overlooked that shouldn’t be. Just like in regular medicine, with physiological health. It’s just as important with mental health. 

they may be struggling with severe ptsd from trauma and not even know that what they’re going through has a diagnosis and is treatable

Pretty sure if someone's undergoing PTSD trauma that they're aware something's going on. 

 I didn’t know that’s what I was experiencing until I reached a crisis point. I was so used to being a certain way and not seeing the red flags of mental health concerns, I was so used to things being not normal I didn’t know they were not normal or were actually approaching an extreme degree. 

I genuinely wasn’t aware I was mentally sick, and there’s this natural tendency to just “shove it to the side” and not really think about it or not Prioritizing it because “I’m fine” etc. 

It wasn’t until I reached a severe crisis point that was really dangerous and scary that I *started* to understand. But even after that point there was a lot of misconceptions to clear up I had surrounding PTSD and, just information I didn’t know, about ptsd and it’s effects. 

one category of which is dissociation. And it can get really wild within that category. But most online descriptions and examples given are very general and vague and really expose maybe two or three types of it. When in reality there’s so many more types and each and every single one should be listed comprehensively. And then leave a category for Other. So people understand, they need to talk to their doctor about it. 

A lot of People experiencing severe dissociation may believe they have a damning diagnosis that will generate judgement and take away opportunities from their life and in fear of being labeled crazy when they feel like “I’m not crazy” is a reason a lot of people don’t get the help they should early on. When in reality what they’re experiencing is very valid, I think people sometimes assume (especially traumatized people) may think that someone is going to invalidate their claims in some way so they don’t bother speaking up. They bury it for one reason or another. 

Also a lot Of people experiencing this may be under the age of 18 and definitely just don’t know a lot about mental Health in general. They might feel like therapy is scary, or that they will be judged, or just don’t understand how it will work to help them (not believing they can get better). Or even not trusting their therapist and thinking they will abuse them or treat them similar to someone else who has traumatized them. 

But knowing how there is treatment and how it works and Showing people living with it. Like, connecting to a community of people for example that have the same labels you do, it allows a lot of stress relief and reframing to go on so that you feel, capable of living with this disorder and making it out ok. That it’s not the end of the world. 

Ptsd suicide rate is extremely high. So it’s just cool if there was a lot of outreach in this area to try and combat it and get people in treatment before it gets to a point where they’re not seeing clearly enough to even help themselves. 

Dissociation is one of the beginning signs of ptsd sometimes, before there is awareness of trauma, or awareness of the other symptoms. So it’s sort of a “catch it early” approach but extending awareness about dissociation and reminding people like hey, don’t ignore this. See a professional before it gets bad, to guide you through it and hopefully thwart suicide attempts but, at the very least guide them through the worst of it to the best of their ability so they’re less likely to be unsafe. 

Often people with dissociation also have a co-morbidity like substance abuse or self harm as well. So someone might come in confused about their dissociation and then wind up getting treatment for their other issues in turn, which ends up saving their life

Having another OCD freak out, almost started going into a panic attack a minute ago and then started doing obsessive stuff and I’m kind of dizzy feeling most likely from anxiety but I’m not sure. 

Anyway, I’m in the midst of it right now and.... hopefully i just can go to sleep and wake up tomorrow feeling ok. 

(Scared) (freaking out) 

considering taking a klonopin if it gets bad and won’t stop. 

Blanc said: 

Having another OCD freak out, almost started going into a panic attack a minute ago and then started doing obsessive stuff and I’m kind of dizzy feeling most likely from anxiety but I’m not sure. 

You seem surprisingly lucid as you type about it. 

Anyway, I’m in the midst of it right now and.... hopefully i just can go to sleep and wake up tomorrow feeling ok. 

considering taking a klonopin if it gets bad and won’t stop. 

Ahh, I see, you want drugs. 

I didn't want drugs at all 

I just wanted it to stop. 

but yeah I wound up like kind of "talking to myself" in my head about it and trying really hard to like "talk myself down" out of the irrational thoughts like, negating them as best I could. and commenting on the thoughts like, "that's rediculous, that's not going to happen." etc.

and it helped. and I told myself like, "you're not going to die, worst case scenario you'll still be absolutely fine, you'll get through it, you'll be fine. it's ok." 

that kind of stuff. 

all of this was over a very minor stomach pain. I ate one thing that I normally wouldn't trust, going out on a limb for myself. a packet of mayonnaise from a fast food restaurant. and I just, absolutely lost my shit about it several hours later. 

and started drinking straight lemon water (which made me feel nauseated), then I ate a banana (but I had to cut it into slices because I have a paranoid issue where I think spiders will be inside the banana... which is just another one of my many weirdnesses about food) and then I got paranoid about the spider issue and threw the other half of the banana AWAY. (I do this sort of thing a lot where I don't trust the food and throw it away). and then I chugged ginger tea? took probiotics and ate basil leaves. 

normally I would freak out about the lemon and the basil leaves not being washed, but I was in such a state of freaking out it like over-rode the OCD about washing things. I was like MUST INGEST THIS NOW. 

because I read online it would like kill the bacteria in my stomach. 

and then I chugged water bottles and then I fell asleep. 

hoping that in the morning, I'd wake up fine. 

and what do you know. I was fine. 

*face palm* 

just another freak out for no reason. of course. 

had a dream last night I was trying to get my mom to pay attention to me but she wouldn't no matter what I did and I get so frustrated I'm like yelling in the dream and I woke up screaming 

(I have these a lot) 

earlier in the week I had a dream where was screaming at my dad about something and I woke up screaming as well but this wasn't about wanting attention it was about wanting him to stop doing something that I couldn't get him to stop and just my frustrations with his ignorance and behaviors. hurting me etc. and no matter what I did I couldn't like, get him to see he was hurting me or understand how it was wrong, and I'm like screaming idk. 

(I have these a lot too). 

i'e had the song "star ships" by Nicki Minaj or whatever it's called stuck in my head for the last fucknig five days now I think? 

it's so annoying 

also last night I had a really confusing fucking dream like, I was at this weird, house, and there was a few other children there 

and then there was one man who was like, controlling everyone (this is a theme in a lot of my nightmares) 

and, there was like, a few people who had been there already a long time, and their age wasn't clear to me I couldn't tell if they were teenagers, elementary age or, adults, it kept like, warping. and then there was like, a few people who came later who were children 

and I was one of the children who was new, to this like... weird, "camp" sort of "vacation" I don't know. 

and there was this girl from TikTok who was talking about this big famous guy she went to go see who was like a guru of life and like you couldn't contact him you had to literally fly to this island to see him and just hope he'd care to help you and he like gave her some secrets of life that allowed her to know how to get famous in the world? 

and like, this island is where we were, where this "camp/vacation/house" was. and the man wasn't like super around a lot, but we had to like follow these orders like we were under a magic spell. and the orders were really strange and didn't make sense but we just couldn't question it. 

and the entire time, he was like grooming and brain washing us and manipulating us into like, certain ways whatever he was aiming to do, and breaking each individual down differently. 

and I just started like, seeing the people doing the stuff to each other, I think they were fighting. and one of the girls went missing and they were looking for her, and then they were so brainwashed they thought they found her, but in reality this was some other girl that that "big man" had hidden elsewhere and she was like oner 18. and he was raping her by this cave in the ocean? and then when they saw it like, they didn't think he was raping her at all. but I watched her like scramble away from him through this tunnel??  then I got this really scary feeling, and like something was watching me. 

there was just sand and then a fire pit in the middle and I was sitting in the lap of one of the older women with the children. 

and then I looked behind me and I saw this framed photo that was very scary looking like, a painting I mean. of like, a boy, a big tall man, and then several other children and it think like, a tiger or a cat or something. but all of their faces looked terrifying in some weird way. 

and I got scared by its haunted feeling it was giving me and I looked away, and I saw over my should, one of the mid-range age girls like a teen that I hadn't seen in a while, she was being forced to walk up some stairs in front of the man on a leash, and she was wearing a maid costume and saying things like "yes master" like, was wearing the high socks and those shiny black shoes and her hair was curled down her back in a half up half down situation with a black bow. 

YEAH it got THAT WEIRD 

and then I got up and walked into one of the rooms in the house, it was sort of dark and like vintage antique like, victorian, looking. and mohagony everywhere. deep glossy wood. and had like I went into the dark room covered in wood detailing on the walls and wood floors. I think it was a study of sorts. the lighting was like, a single old vintage lamp from like the 1920's. so it was like yellow and dim. it was night. 

and someone else came into that room too, a teenage African American boy- he was one of the boys, apparently there was a group of boys being kept somewhere else separate from the girls and they were under a similar, spell. 

and I was much younger than him but, we were both sort of panicked and wide eyed and panting, looking at each other and discussing what was going on and how it made no sense. basically coming to the same conclusion that, this situation was fucked and we wanted to get out of there, secretly and were making a plan to escape. 

but the place had this big walls so it was difficult. and we didn't know what was beyond the walls either. and we knew we were on an island in the. middle of the ocean far from our home countries. he was British and I was American. 

but yeah we were like, "something isn't right about this place and we need to get out of here." etc. 

and for some reason he was wearing a colonial era looking outfit. like, with the black pilgrim shoes high white socks, the suspenders with the brown sack colored pants, the floofy white pirate shirt and some sort of weird situation around his neck I think it was a bow or a collar or something strange. and then he was bald. 

and I guess we made our plan to like leave the next day 

and then, I went upstairs to like one of the other bedrooms to be by myself and I started video chatting with three women, one of whom was Jamie Genevieve from YouTube. but they were all like, prominent social media figures. and they were like, in on the situation that I was in, and like brain washed about it too saying there was nothing wrong with it and not understanding like, how bad it was and not believing me like, treating me like a conspiracy theorist or like iw as crazy to want to get out and that I should stay and I'll be fine and blah blah blah. but I thought they were stupid and, they weren't in it, so they didn't understand. 

and they wouldn't like, listen to me or notice me, and I started doing really weird stuff to get their attention but nothing worked. 

and then it ended up getting the wrong attention and some creepy old guy showed up on my device on video cam and was like trying to do phone sex with me and calling me sexy and all this shit and I was like no and hung up on him 

oh and I vaguely remember like sitting in a car with my family and I was running my fingers through my hair and huge chunks of hair started falling out and no one noticed or was concerned but I was like worried I had a disease or something and also like, sad about having no hair left on one side of my head 

I also had a dream too that I was reading some shit I wrote and it made no sense because of how ADD I sounded like changing topics mid-sentence and shit lol 

I have these kind of dreams a lot where I think I am crazy? 

anyways IRL I just cleaned up the house to get it ready for Christmas and then, uh. I started working on clearing out the garage because we're gonna turn it into an exercise gym but 

I exhausted myself physically to the point of not being able to breathe the last few days so I'm going to take a break during Christmas and then I will resume after all that settles down. 

I'm just glad I managed to get my parents on the same page about it and they're allowing me to do it. it took a lot of convincing but yeah I really want a work out gym. 

I've been feeling like working out every morning and I feel like the Chloe ting and yoga burn is like, not good enough. and it's too cold to swim. I've also been taking walks. 

but yeah having some machines to really do it right will be good. and we have to install an AC unit. 

I also am thinking about buying a doggy door and have someone install it on two of the doors on the interior, just one for the small dog. because he beats on the doors at 3am usually it wakes me up. (I get woken up a lot in this house in general its so annoying) 

but idk, lately he's just been coming up to the side of my bed and going "hm!" like that just little short hm. sound. and it wakes me up and makes me let him go outside. 

so idk what to do about it. lol I let him go potty before bed but yeah. there's pretty much nothing I can do to stop it but the doggy door will still be convenient so I don't have to constantly get up and open doors for him every time he wants to go to the other side of the house.