Sociopath Community

Turncoat said: 

Blanc said:

I’m in a generally good mood I got make my coffee and stare into space all spaced out like I normally do

 

It does seem like her narrative's selling how she's perpetually yelling at people (and life) about how they interrupted her Zen moment. 

More gay tears 

I’m very sad 

I think my doc is right I must be bipolar because I really struggle with stability 

just monitoring my mood over the last week feels like three weeks have gone by 

I’m not even certain how much time it was and like can’t remember things clearly because I’m so swept away in my own moods all the time 

and I can’t seem to regulate or prevent it but more just ride the waves as they come 

I cycled through agitated depression anxiety and hypo mani like multiple times each in just one week 

I been researching the diff types of bipolar and she said she thinks I’m cycloghymic but based on episodes I’ve had in the past I think it was bipolar 1 with anxious features, dysphoric mania or mixed episodes (very rarely), and occasional paranoia (not psychosis but I will get oddly paranoid about irrational things at random times and it’s like another mood I can’t control.) 

The medication helped tone it down (as she said it can sometimes do this to bipolar ppl) 

I always though it was odd the reactions I have to psych meds is different than the “norm” for people and I think it’s because of being bipolar 

I think I was depressed as a teen really badly and then started cycling from there, and over the years it’s just gotten worse and worse 

when I listen to other people’s stories about how it affected their life it sounds very similar to my life story 

and of course the symptoms line up and I relate to everything they say they do or think I’m like yeah that’s me but I thought that was just life because itd become such a norm for me

the instability inhibits function and affects relationships and my entire life essentially 

and also is very scary sometimes or can cause suicide 

the meds and hospitalizations and the havoc I deal with trying to cope with it all and the mess it makes in my life is never fun 

They say it can get worse over time so I’m going to keep trying to closely moniktr everything going on in my head and hitting down a synopsis as things shift and just keep a steady record of myself (hard to do anything consistently but I really should if I want to prevent another mental health crisis in the future like I’ve had before, or worse than before) 

idk I would say it can’t hurt to like monitor myself but it actually can somewhat 

Triggers anxiety or depression so eeeagghhhh 

idk what to do ya know 

maybe that’s why I should do it with a therapist and not alone cuz then they can make me like reframe it and walk out of the session okay 

not like suffering 

Woke up with my knees buckling and my arms dangling lose like spheghetti they felt heavy 

I’m still in this state I wake up like this sometimes and feel like I’m might pass out 

I uhhhh just woke up it’s hard to describe what the internal feeling is like but it’s like being drunk in slow motion or on dope and feel numb 

my eyes droop my breathing is super slow feel like I can’t get enough air to wake up so instead I’m in this intoxicated numb slow lethargy 

my parents think it’s the meds I think it’s anemia blood pressure and blood sugar 

but yeah I really need to get food cuz tried hot shower usually freezing and shaking when like this but hot shower didn’t make it go away 

feel like I could sleep 8 more hours and very weak muscular decterity wise everything is loose and I can’t get it not like soheghettu very tired 

want to sleep forever feel comatose but I need to fight the speghetti body limbs syndrome and get to food despite feeling drugged 

but can’t get up wanna sleeep dozin

Ate waffle with agave and had coffee felt a little more normal but couldn’t fight the urge to sleep 

slept another eight hours like I said I felt like I would 

woke up feeling normal 

but had to sleep sixteen hours to feel normal 

So. 

but yeah then I was starving and like low sugar feeling like I might pass out and start feeling shaky and really cranky and had to make a pizza and more coffee 

ate felt better 

An old friend reached out to me and wants to play AC:NH with me I guess 

so that was nice 

I was feeling optimistic. despite everything being terrible in the world rn. 

my mom is letting me have my old bedroom back

its been used as storage for years now. and I’m like it’s stupid that I live here and can’t use my own room 

so she’s letting me box everything up and pop it in the garage so I can have it as living space

What's your diet consist of these days? This could be related. 

Played some animal crossing posted some shit on one of my tumblrs and did some organizing of my planner 

trying to keep on top myself and shit 

Now I’m listening to yo yo ma and hanging up clothes 

https://open.spotify.com/user/spotify/playlist/37i9dQZF1DZ06evO3jIPfy?si=dDJpbztiSzuTETq0ffApDA 

Ive also been enjoying this Mandopop band called S.H.E 

https://open.spotify.com/user/spotify/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX4sj7z7Or175?si=B_oM6oxYS36Mrnv06eX2Lw 

Turncoat said: 

What's your diet consist of these days? This could be related. 

 The reason I responded to this... is because my health is a really complicated matter and I don’t feel like getting into it 

basically, to sum it up, I know there’s problems, and I’m working with a really great doctor to fix it. I’m in good hands. 

it just takes a long time for it to improve. And yes diet is a part of the prescribed regiment. and some issues we haven’t resolved yet. 

But yeah, working on it.