Sociopath Community

So basically anxiety and depression works like dominos or the way a hurricane builds it’s like a perfect storm formation sort of thing

but yeah so with anxiety it’s like dominos happening once one thought starts 

so a negative thought spawned from my depression 

I was literally like crying myself to sleep every night and just having a bout of depression the usual hopelessness despair and suicidality mixed in with crying anger and fatigue 

and then I just thought to myself how I felt very fragile as a result of ptsd and how I used to be a really strong person and had it all together like my gf who broke up with me recently said that “you’re a really strong person” and I’m like nah. But yeah that stuck in my head and my depression was like u ain’t strong bitch you’re all torn up from ptsd and shit and now you’re like weak from it and can’t fight jack shit anymore 

and I’m ur right I can’t handle jack shit anymore and it’s tough and sad feeling like a constant nervous wreck and like you’re just coming to pieces it’s the sensation of falling apart like weak links or a doll that has no good seems Anymore that feels so terrifying because I can’t fight anymore against the shit I used to be able o handle like by putting walls up and shit like 

shit affects men more now emotionally than ever before and it really really affects me 

and then it just made me really overwhelmed I guess about everything and that like was playing in the back of my head through out the day which is the norm with a bad mental health day argh depression so I’m used to it and didn’t try do muc about it (When ur in one of those states ur not likely to believe that trying will do anything anyways so u likely won’t) 

and it just goes and goes on and on in the back of my head as I go about my day 

that endless domino thing 

and if forks off and then forks off again and again until it’s just infinite and intertwining mess of shit just cascading into hell 

and there’s clashing and arguments internally and like a lot is going on so 

that’s part of why I would cry at night and that sadness just like got to me while I was listening to music I guess I had the final thought process that put me over the edge and turned on that switch 

where suddenly it’s like I’m in upside world and nothing feels the same and everything is very very weird and terrifying 

and I can’t turn it off and I’m oanicking

so yeah 

that’s the fun of being in mental Hell 

and why anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications in one pill, exist 

they go hand in hand very often and that has to do with a lot of reasons which is very complicated blah blah blah 

long story short I need therapy as that’s the main solution along with other things but yeah writing does help me (talking bout shit and venting) so that’s why I’m doing it 

otherwise I have to sit here going insane 

and I just wanna get back to feelin normal ASAP so that’s what it’s all about 

writing does help funny enough. Just shuts it all down. The anxiety I was dealing with kinda went away so that’s good. It gives me a sense of control or peace or catharsis comfort I have no idea 

maybe I’m just reminding myself it’s literally gonna be ok? 

anxiety doesn’t want you to think that it won’t let you but if you interrupt the process and do this writing instead you’re able to consciously like shift your thinking and have mental clearing for two seconds from the bull shit like oh yeah everything is gonna be fine 

It works

It’s pacifying internal disturbance and negative feedback loop thought patterns aka anxiety depression and ptsd yeet *dabs* 

when I start feeling internally conflicted and arguing with myself in my head or start feeling confused that should be a sign to me I’m headed down a bad road 

and crying while I make my coffee in the morning and every night when I go to sleep and not takin care of myslef or having interest in things I normally do 

and another key sign is being angry at everyone lol that’s a tell tell tale sign my mental health is currently in the shitter

Ya know I realized that I still have a hard time relaxing 

I used to literally be incapable of it like, trying to force me to relax, was like trying to keep a folding chair open that would just continually snap shut. It felt like that. Like trying to get me to just fucking relax. Which is why I turned to drugs 

but yeah uh, then I did therapy and meds and been a while I got better at it 

but I realize I still am a very very tense person 

being in quarantine has helped me see that lol 

Like I can’t ever just relax even tho that’s all I’m supposed to be doing I have to do something like I just have to 

all the time 

that’s a known symptom of ptsd but yeah idk how to work on that but part of it probably involves just letting go a bit 

I think a lot of it is driven by anxiety and fear and control and shame maybe?

so yeah I gotta work on that internally if I want to get better instead of worse

oh my god you poor thing are you okay

Hi xad 

I'm Medstruating I think I need a Midol ;)

If the pain is constant, that's your opportunity to convince yourself that it's fine. It's when the pain is jarring that you can't prepare for it. 

Who knows, you might even be this noisy about it compared to the norm from some sort of fetishism with it. 

You're welcome. 

That was disturbing 

I was a lil teeny tiny bit sad last night but guess what, i got over it 

and managed to cheer myself up a bit