Sociopath Community

Because I wanna die

Xadem said: 

why is this thread called pain

Life update I’m frustrated because I can’t drink coffee in excessive amounts anymore or it gives me panic attacks but I need it for my depressed mood problems so 

either I have to start taking abilify or some other bipolar drug I’ve been prescribed or fucking god knows what else fucking buspar or klonopin 

I just can’t ever seem to find the right balance to just be stable and like I need to improve the mood with coffee but then I have panic attacks from the anxiety so I have to take klonopin or Xanax to calm down 

it’s not working for me anymore this whole thing I have going on so I need help 

my doc wants to put me on a new medication but I’m just reluctant to try it for a lot of reasons but I guess that’s stupid because technically if she’s right and I really have bipolar the chclothymia can get worse left untreated over Tim and become bipolar 1 or 2 and I’m essentially just waiting for myself to unravel or have another conniption 

and I’m fucking sick of dealing with all of this and my mental health isn’t like normal and I just wanna be normal it’s hard to explain like when I have anxiety I have uncontrollable rumination and shit flashing into my head and thoughts and things I can’t control 

it causes me to dissociate 

and I feel like on a daily basis I’m just in some various form of that same sort of rumination on something or in a state of purposeful denial and avoidance of that something or that feeling that I subconsciously don’t want to feel or acknowledge 

it’s not like I’m doing it to myself on purpose but the things I feel are genuinely too much for me and my brain is sick in the way it operates and all of it’s thought patterns and strange disorders that cause all sorts of problems and chemical imbalances 

like it’s beyond what I can control or manage I’ve just been putting up with it or making room for it and it’s all taken over my life essentially. Mental illness has. And it’s sad but true so 

I feel like I should just eat a fuckin bullet cuz I’m done suffering 

I usually feel this way during and after panic attacks especially because they’re so horrific to endure that you really would rather kill yourself than go through it again 

and you think oh I’ll just avoid it next time 

but for real you can’t avoid it. It’s in your fucking head. You can’t run from it dude. 

I just don’t know how to get it all to go away. I have a basic understanding of the neuropsychology and the physiological influence on mental health and of the therapeutic approaches I’ve been recommended and how the medications work but 

I mean I’ve improved from the very sick state I was in three four years ago but, it’s still not an ideal quality of life and it’s really, sucky sometimes so 

I need a fucking blunt like seriously I just need to get naked and relax 

I’m in a constant state of managing it baby sitting it working around it catering to it doing everything I can around it and for it and it’s just exhausting like 

it’s incredibly exhausting and yet I can’t sleep 

im just tired man. I’m over it. Like get me out of here get me out of this hell seriously I’m done 

Blanc said: 

it’s not about the video being an unboxing video because it’s not 

It's of the spirit of it, relating to much of the same criteria. 

Turncoat said: 

Blanc said: 

it’s not about the video being an unboxing video because it’s not 

It's of the spirit of it, relating to much of the same criteria. 

 A content creator created content how dare they

I woke up from a nap, ate dinner, i feel a lot better now. Mood wise. 

In a much better mood. I hate to say it too early because i don’t want to jinx it. But yeah.

im pleasant for now. 

Bitch.

i do have a mild headache but i took all my meds and some Tylenol and I’m chugging water. I’ts not from lack of coffee cuz i had half a cup with dinner, not going over that because i don’t want to have another goddamn panic attack.

can i just say it’s hillarious that i have Xanax in my bottle of Tylenol like god I’m such a drug addict that i just have that lying around 

cuz bitch you never know whatcha need, you need Tylenol or you need benzos either way i gotchu and by you i mean me. Get your own btich

Hey THEY DO A GREAT DESCRIPTION OF DISSOCIATION IN THIS VIDEO SWAG

i’ve been doing some art at night and stuff trying to show what anxiety and dissociation feel like with ART 

and :)) it’s really hard! To explain :) with or without words its, hard to put someone else in the shoes but 

thats what I’m trying to do with the art and its not working very well but 

Yeah!

I relate baby 

Parents arguing and my moms telling my dad to get the fuck out of this house so 

It’s really sad. 

I had a sad moment but i couldn’t talk about it because like.... 

It was overwhelming and causing me anxiety and dissociation again! So thats great 

(we love trauma and having ptsd is so great) 

*anger intensifies* 

so anyways.... *eye roll* 

ugh. Like bITCH I wanna talk about what’s BOtherING me abut aliII caNT becaus IT TARIGGERS me dawg 

I’m gonna try tho just give me a minute let me ... take it small bite size pieces and i have to do it by hand i dont know why 

brb while i do that.........         ......