Perfect this film is
My dad smiled and waved at the man good bye. And as soon as the car was gone he grabbed me and forced me to put my hands on the table. They were shaking, and I was crying because- I had always dreamed of the day someone came and saved me. And, well, I wasn't saved at all. In fact now I was completely screwed. Because there was legal, documented proof from an official that I wasn't being abused.
He broke my fingers on my left hand for tapping them, and then I was locked in my room until morning
Who are you angry at?
blanc stated: source post
I have many interests. I haven't been very informative on here.
I have mentioned the bad things that have happened to me, but never the good.
SC as a catharsis... yes... I get that...
When I was young my parents dropped me off at a dance school as a form of after-care. I was interested in the live accompaniment, I was left there for so many hours I had nothing else to really do. I began writing my own music on the piano when no one was around. By the time I was eight I was arranging it on my computer, with some software I found laying around the house. I was just very bored. When I was ten the dance company took me on tour with them, I auditioned for a minor solo role. The only reason I was any good is because I was just there for so much time, I must of taken a dozen extra classes a week. There were several choreographers working there who I was close with- and originally I wanted to be one. Inspired by their work. My drama director at my school begged me to join the department, saying I had potential. I said I would think about it. Then a friend was too scared to audition for the school play so I said I would go with her- and the director told me to do a reading. I ended up getting the lead role, and several after that. I had to attend the club meetings, and we went to competitions. I did solo performances, and I also did the choreography for our group numbers. I got involved in community theatre after that, because I was interested in the paid positions. One of my dance teachers gave me private lessons during my involvement in theatre, helped me act, sing, audition better. She introduced me to a photographer who took photos of me, and introduced me to some agents. I also began working in independent film- I assisted with writing the script for one, and when they were editing it, there was an issue with copy right and they had no music. So I wrote some music for them, threw the whole thing together in a few hours. That film happened to win a few awards at a local festival, and from there I got a lot of attention. I did modelling and extra work on the side to pay for my expensive music habit- recording, buying equipment, playing live, assembling bands. My dad went to prison, and my mom died when I was 16. I had auditioned to get into a school for the performing arts, but now could no longer afford it. I transferred to a public school. By the time I was 17 I had several agents and producers, and a manger. I also began working with dean of the school of music at one of the local universities- he just happened to be conducting research on musicians who 'played by ear', and I took AP music theory my senior year of high school. He is the reason my music isn't complete shit on a stick. By the time I was 18 I was able to work on the set of several feature films in America- travelling back and forth from Mexico (where I was living at the time) and mainly Los Angeles, sometimes New Orleans and other cities. On set of one of these films is where I met a financial producer, who changed my life. From there opportunities continued to come. I travelled the world. After that I went to college for a semester- not yet willing to throw away my interest in architecture and the sciences. But then, I went back to Mexico, back to an abusive relationship with a guy. It was there that I studied astrophysics. I continued composing on the side.
a LOT of interest indeed... you're an artist at the core... afraid depression comes with the territory... use this catharsis, baby...
I left my abusive boyfriend eventually, a friend died and I went back home for the funeral- and never came back to Mexico. I also got involved with a girl who was completely psycho. After that I fell back into a party scene for the millionth time, like I had in high school, and in college. I started working with a producer who was, pretty prominent. I just called him one day and set up a session- he was looking for new artists to work with.
After that I met a nice girl, who I ended up falling in love with. All the music I wrote and recorded was for her. The producer made a deal with me to bring me into his tight knit company, so that I would sell them my music essentially. I also sold my music to a company in New Orleans, to be placed in film.
I focused on my studies for a year or so, architecture and biochemistry. I also took classes in humanities and environmentalism a long the way, because I like all of that. The university I was at had large sound proof buildings and I used those rooms to compose in. I recently quit school to do music full time- because I found myself spending 6-10 hours a day in the music building trying to keep up with deadlines and, seizing creativity as it came.
Not sure how that might be possible when you're dead... stick around... I for one like your creativity and... and I doubt I am alone...
The relationship with me and the girl went sour, and I started cheating on her. Falling back into drugs, drinking, playing girls.
Stop committing bad actions on top of bad situations and decisions... but... you know this, man...
Me and the girl have gone back and forth for a while, but just recently I ended it with her finally- going back to the girl who was psycho, and then leaving her too.
Hang only with bitches who make you better... period...
I've just been drinking and getting high for a while now. Trying to get my act together but, I can't.
Stop drinking... create more...
I've been depressed since my early teens, and I just posted some snippets from my journals on here. And it's really interesting to see that after all of this, I feel the same way I did when I was 13 years old.
Again... you're an artist... learn to use this depressive energy to a positive creation... you write well...
Nothing's changed, just everything is even more meaningless.
LOL... what does that mean... "everything is even more meaningless"?... honestly, lil Sis... it's just as meaningless and meaningful as it always has been... your values are changing... you're 22... you're gonna change a lot...
I've become obsessed with my work now.
Value change?
I don't think I handled the loss of this last relationship very well but I am trying to make the best of it and move forward.
Nope... changing your obsession...
She's just the only one who ever made me feel. She lied to me, and I got angry with her. And pushed her away completely. I've tried apologizing twice now, but she told me to leave her alone, that she was moving on and that I should too. This is someone who showed me pictures of kids and said "can we dress our kids like this."
So as you can imagine, I had quite a future in mind with her. But now I am by myself, per usual.
Having your dreams shattered happens... a lot when you're an artist... learn to be more flexible... gumby... I have a lot of dreams... one doesn't work... "NEXT!"
I have recently met a guy who is studying to be a physician however, and we seem to relate on a lot of things, have a decent chemistry. But I'm not sexually interested in males, so that's a problem. And I find it difficult to replace 'her' with any of the females that have come onto me lately- they're all like some weird knock off version.
Can not believe I am going to type this... don't worry about sex for a while... got a "toy"? You need only you right now... some good friends... sex just confuses shit...
So much has happened, and I'm only 22. I just can't fathom what the future could possibly hold.
Think about that for a minute and NEVER let that thought go very far away... you are 100% correct here... and that future can be AMAZING! my early and mid 30s were phenomenal and what I am doing in my 40s has me with high hopes about my 50s and 60s... stick around Blanc,,, stick around...
I don't think I can really take anymore. I'm tired of air planes. I'm tired of people, of the industry. I'm tired of relationships. So I'd just rather not participate in any of that nonsense anymore.
Don't... move to a farm... fuck it...
The company has put pressures on me to be produce a higher volume of work- so during the week I do stimulants to focus, and at night I drink to sleep. I'm enjoying the little world I belong to. But I know it won't last, things are always changing, this life I have here is temporary.
Of all the places I've been in the United States I liked Martha's Vineyard the best, and I hope to move to New Port Rhode Island one day, a small place overlooking the water maybe. But it seems like in my life making any sort of a plan is a futile concept. Things are always changing.
OK... maybe not a farm... a cottage near the beach...
Have a nice day, blanc...