Systematic stated: source post
Being the "man of the house", is at the core of my values
This sounds sad to me for some reason.
Turncoat stated: source post
Systematic stated: source post
Being the "man of the house", is at the core of my values
This sounds sad to me for some reason.
Can we explore what the reason might be? I can not see anything sad about taking responsibility for such a thing as your own home/house...
It's a lack of flexibility based on gender values imposed by society as opposed to keeping an open mind. You can take responsibility for things without having to be "in charge" by label. This is really more about wanting to feel in charge than purely about self-sufficiency. That sort of view means that a 50/50 setup, or even accepting help from someone who's better off than him (especially if it's a woman) is anywhere between hard to accept and out of the question (as we saw when he had to accept help from Crow while traveling, even after having helped us prior, finding it easier to accept after much time and discussion only by considering her as "one of the guys"), and if he can't fit within that niche he'd likely beat himself up for failing to be "a man". To contrast this as well, he'll likely seek out notably weaker partners in order to flex his beliefs subconsciously.
When he says "core values", he really means "needs". His meaning for "man of the house" is a bit darker when you consider his past and what results have followed it. Strong views are crippling even when spun to appear admirable. In a way, saying "I need to feel in charge" is a humbler statement than "I am the man of the house" as the former recognizes a weakness while the latter excuses it. This sort of thinking can also lead to errors founded from "the principle", opens the way for all sorts of accidental sexism behind labels such as "chivalry", and limits his chances of women being seen on the same tier as men without either of them crossing some sort of illusory gender boundary.
Without meaning to, it pushes the values of gender inequality through pride while also putting a lot of pressure on his shoulders to be something more. He already does that from multiple angles, both realistic and unrealistic, and this in addition to that is liable to stress cook his lifespan if it's not moderated. Stress for him builds on itself in a way that progressively blinds himself to it, leading to less lucidity as he drives himself into the ground, laughing as it's happening while elsewhere mentally. I honestly think he'd be better off if he could find someone who can help him hoist the weight and keep his perceptions in check, an equal who understands what's going on, challenges him, and knows how to chill him out when the time comes instead of being an accidental enabler from sharing mutual "man of the house" structural views that will serve to isolate him overtime with only his blinding passion to talk to.
Turncoat stated: source post
It's a lack of flexibility based on gender values imposed by society as opposed to keeping an open mind. You can take responsibility for things without having to be "in charge" by label. This is really more about wanting to feel in charge than purely about self-sufficiency.
I think you nailed it...
My socialization had a lot of mixed messages. My father sort of raised us like boys, made sure we felt like shit about being girls, but told people every chance he got that he would never want boys. His mother was very traditional about gender roles when it came to keeping house and child rearing, but was against anything that had to do with feminine beauty, so we were not allowed to preamp in front of a mirror, wear dresses unless it was for church, no nail polish or make-up, and she was really weird about the female body. She thought shorts that went up above the kneecaps were vulgar, would never say the word "vagina", and made it seem like all men are pedophiles.
Emotions were not allowed in our house, nor were complements of any kind, especially complements about looks, and if you were beaten senseless you were given five minutes to cry, and then you'd better look like nothing happened after that.
My opinion is that gender differences in psychology are exacerbated by society to support their own views.
I didn't ever get told to be a man but was told not to cry when mistreated.
I wasn't socialised but i am aware, in hindsight, that i was likely a child where a parent would likely have said to their child "I don't like you playing with that boy."
I was very disturbed and prone to anger.
I guess it's all in what is meant by the man of the house... I would say there is a lack on Men of the Houses and in part what is crippling our society and provoking much of the problems we see in gender identify issues... here for instance
An exert...
"At play and in other realms, fathers tend to stress competition, challenge, initiative, risk taking and independence. Mothers, as caretakers, stress emotional security and personal safety. Father's involvement seems to be linked to improved quantitative and verbal skills, improved problem-solving ability and higher academic achievement for children. Men also have a vital role to play in promoting cooperation and other "soft" virtues. Involved fathers, it turns out according to one 26 year longitudinal research study may be of special importance for the development of empathy in children.
Family life-marriage and child rearing-is a civilizing force for men. It encourages them to develop prudence, cooperativeness, honesty, trust, self-sacrifice and other habits that can lead to success as an economic provider by setting a good example"
I noticed your stance referred pretty much directly to Sys... and his circumstances,,, I think the above will as well...
Men need to be smart men, strong men, men of accountability... and take care of what they are responsible for... that doesn't mean not asking for help from a woman or partner... that would be a dumb man.
Virus stated: source post
I guess it's all in what is meant by the man of the house... I would say there is a lack on Men of the Houses and in part what is crippling our society and provoking much of the problems we see in gender identify issues...
That largely depends on how progressive where they live is and if something like divorce is largely why the male presence is absent.
Gender identity issues I'd personally say is the byproduct of societal expectation, and with things like the internet they finally have a platform to make themselves be more known, feel less alone. If there weren't so many expectations made on both genders, they could instead be themselves without stigma. I'd say that the problems have been around as long as things like homosexuality has.
here for instance
The passage you copy-pasted follows the gender binary structure of society, of expectation. On a personal level anyway, my family had this stuff largely reversed. It's closer to discussing the top and bottom lifestyle with the misplaced use of "man" and "woman" in it's place.
I noticed your stance referred pretty much directly to Sys... and his circumstances,,, I think the above will as well...
It's... so much more than that though. His past is pretty rough, and has paved the way for some issues he's still contending with.
As much as I am prone to questioning how natural aspects of the gender binary are, his case specifically for me is closer to concern.
Men need to be smart men, strong men, men of accountability... and take care of what they are responsible for... that doesn't mean not asking for help from a woman or partner... that would be a dumb man.
"Men" don't need to do that, "People" do.
Turncoat stated: source post
Virus stated: source post
I guess it's all in what is meant by the man of the house... I would say there is a lack on Men of the Houses and in part what is crippling our society and provoking much of the problems we see in gender identify issues...
That largely depends on how progressive where they live is and if something like divorce is largely why the male presence is absent.
Gender identity issues I'd personally say is the byproduct of societal expectation, and with things like the internet they finally have a platform to make themselves be more known, feel less alone. If there weren't so many expectations made on both genders, they could instead be themselves without stigma. I'd say that the problems have been around as long as things like homosexuality has.
I think we are very close to saying the same thing... where we seem to differ is whether those expectations were/are good or not... and can those expectations still work in this modern society?
I noticed your stance referred pretty much directly to Sys... and his circumstances,,, I think the above will as well...
It's... so much more than that though. His past is pretty rough, and has paved the way for some issues he's still contending with.
As much as I am prone to questioning how natural aspects of the gender binary are, his case specifically for me is closer to concern.
This opens the possibility you are too close for proper perspective or perception... I know you two are close... so... I really don't see where tearing down his core values, lessening them by inferring a negative tone to his core value such as "sad" is friendly... my take...
Men need to be smart men, strong men, men of accountability... and take care of what they are responsible for... that doesn't mean not asking for help from a woman or partner... that would be a dumb man.
"Men" don't need to do that, "People" do.
Of course... and Black Lives Matter, I mean All Lives Matter... fuck that.. there ARE differences that make us who we are and gender is one of them... different does not mean better, just different... you bring your beauty to the table as who you are... this modern society has "people" upside down to the point they can live like a 4 year old, or a dog, or friggin coffee pot if they want to and should you speak about it you are a judgmental racist, animal hating, coffee pot smashing, bigot! Men need to be men... if you say society throws stigmas on that, not my problem... Men still need to be... A Man. No excuses...