TC, at this point do you think it's worth seeing a psychologist? not much to lose...much to gain..
also i'm always here if you wanna talk, i just think a professional could do more for you
That'd cost money I don't have to say stories I've said time and time before, seeing someone who'll just tell me things I've already heard and already know using tricks I'm likely to be ready for.
I understand how it can help some people, but therapy is a dead end for me. I'd need to find some other way.
'tricks'. that's a disordered way of viewing it..you don't know everything TC..the amount of shit you learn about yourself in therapy will shock you. we get used to ways of thinking that we don't see the potential for anything else. if money is the issue then buy a book on what you feel your issues are..namely, schizophrenia and hallucinations..you have to have an open mind TC..how else do you expect anything will change?
It's not disordered, it's informed and it's hardly news. It is tricks alongside protocols, as if things aren't handled the "right way" then things can potentially fall apart or wrong answers will be found. The classes discuss the importance behind them and my own experiences so far had them displayed a little too transparently. A lot of success, whether as a true or a false positive, comes from keeping patients somewhat in the dark.
A therapist for a patient aware of the games is still potentially a resource, but it's a resource for stuff I've already been interested in and can find (or have found) on my own. Even with my brief period of it I found myself bringing her articles and texts to prove my points. If I need to "open my mind", it'll need to be opened in a different direction than this one, as so far research has been a depressing view on how hopeless it is. It's not a case where positive answers are just a textbook away. If anything, looking into it bolsters the opposite of survival desires. I honestly don't expect much to change beyond a continued deterioration.
all i'm hearing is that you are depressed TC. i know this probably sounds incredibly patronizing, but it's hard not to say when i've been there too. you see it as tricks, someone else might see it as helpful techniques. if you can take the same information, and view it as manipulative trickery, or helpful coping mechanisms, which one would you prefer? which one would make your life more pleasant to live?
If that's all you're picking up then this isn't going to go anywhere from the oversimplification at play here. I've been depressed as my baseline for a long time, but distractions help. Knowledge of what they're going to do before-hand (or noticing it as it's happening from it being obvious) takes away the impact it has for recovery, like a self-directed Hawthorne Effect. On top of that, I already know that this story isn't going to have a happy ending clinically, so that spoiler is a bit of a killjoy in the research department, especially when all I can do is sit and watch the deterioration as an observer of myself.
How is someone supposed to just change their views like that? Calling it "helpful coping mechanisms" doesn't change what they are or how they'd be taking it as it'd still be thought of as manipulative trickery at it's core. With enough study they blatantly tell you what it is. Even if the manipulation is towards a positive goal, it's destined to fail if it's noticed in advance. There'd need to be convincing, and I'm too busy seeing it for what it is no matter how constructive the self-improving BS might be. Just because another way of thinking might be "healthier" doesn't make it as easy to put on as a change of clothes, they simply don't fit me as well as who they were designed for. It's unnatural, so I'm stuck finding my own tailor-made path within this instead of some pop-psych recycled thrift store wares of older feel-good advice leading to something "ground breaking" in lieu of the usual expected methods.
This Debbie Downer shit isn't going anywhere beyond a self-directed pity party, so I'm going to try to stop it here. It's not very flattering looking on me.
you're not supposed to just change your view just like that..you're supposed to work at trying to understand yourself (not necessarily trying to be more positive). understanding yourself can help a lot. the rest goes from there. it's one of those things you can only experience first hand to really know the benefits. and it takes time. and it's hard.