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Turncoat stated: source post

If that's all you're picking up then this isn't going to go anywhere from the oversimplification at play here. I've been depressed as my baseline for a long time, but distractions help.

There is no cure, but there is managing the symptoms....and acceptance and awareness is half the battle. 

 Knowledge of what they're going to do before-hand (or noticing it as it's happening from it being obvious) takes away the impact it has for recovery, like a self-directed Hawthorne Effect.

Not necessarily.....you assume such, therefore that is the outcome...the DOING is on you as opposed to thinking you already know the outcome...essentially shooting yourself in the foot as you have decided there is no up tick in it for you.

 

On top of that, I already know that this story isn't going to have a happy ending clinically, so that spoiler is a bit of a killjoy in the research department, especially when all I can do is sit and watch the deterioration as an observer of myself.

Nah...not true either...that is correct...but some? Have experienced quite differently...so...don't go with the negatives. Were it for another, I would agree with you...but this is yourself....different entirely. 

How is someone supposed to just change their views like that? Calling it "helpful coping mechanisms" doesn't change what they are or how they'd be taking it as it'd still be thought of as manipulative trickery at it's core. With enough study they blatantly tell you what it is. Even if the manipulation is towards a positive goal, it's destined to fail if it's noticed in advance.

BULLSHIT....LMAO...learned helplessness and you justify it to yourself based on your intellect. 

There'd need to be convincing, and I'm too busy seeing it for what it is no matter how constructive the self-improving BS might be. Just because another way of thinking might be "healthier" doesn't make it as easy to put on as a change of clothes, they simply don't fit me as well as who they were designed for. It's unnatural, so I'm stuck finding my own tailor-made path within this instead of some pop-psych recycled thrift store wares of older feel-good advice leading to something "ground breaking" in lieu of the usual expected methods. 

Doesn't matter....have you even DONE it? full out effort? ....hmmm? I know you have done many things....but....you also are doing this on your own based on what you have stated...so...regardless of the studies, and your intelligence which is cutting you off at the pass....why not just give it a shot and see if it it works? What have you got to lose but the time...and you get a tested confirm out of it ....fail or not...you still win as you learn. 

This Debbie Downer shit isn't going anywhere beyond a self-directed pity party, so I'm going to try to stop it here. It's not very flattering looking on me. 

Oddly enough...even though your posts can be read as downers....as long as you steer clear of learned helplessness as "excuses' for choices made....and just own your shit...based on recognizing WHY you made them...see what happens...

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So many "..."s.

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Christopher Walken 

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I saw it more like Captain Kirk, Edward Reynolds, Stevie Kenarban, or Gia, but reading it in Walken's awkward stilted speech is a lot more fun. 

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Primal stated: source post

BULLSHIT....LMAO...learned helplessness and you justify it to yourself based on your intellect.

wow. now i get why people think we're the same when you bother to engage :D

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I FUCKING hate that Charlie died in Two and a Half Men.

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Turncoat stated: source post

So many "..."s.

 

MMmhmmm...

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Turncoat stated: source post

Suicide keeps sounding like a good idea. 

The voice gets louder, frequent, and more convincing with time, and the time it takes to coerce me grows smaller with each succession as I become more sensitive to it. Distractions and those who'd be hurt by my leaving (I've reduced the number of people) are all that keep me around anymore, as otherwise I don't really see much of a point in going on now beyond a few tethers that keep me wrapped in life's web. It always comes up with reasons based on context, usually a context where I blow my own failings our of proportion, but when context is stripped from the situation the desire is still there, showing me that said context has little to nothing to do with it beyond an immediate drive. It's hard to not think about it when it could potentially solve and simplify so many things, when so few things really feel worth the effort anymore from feeling so... tired. 

Dying has been invading my dreams again, a problem when sleeping is otherwise so desirable. It scares me sometimes how waking out of it can feel disappointing instead of relieving. I'm left wondering how much longer it'll take to become convinced enough to succeed, how many more days, months, or even years of this I have left before something drastic happens that I can't take back. 

I relate to every word of this, thanks for sharing TC. 

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Today has been a very triggering day. Several flashbacks. And when I hear firecrackers I freak out.  I want a hug right now, but It's the middle of the night and I don't want to bother anyone. I feel guilty and depressed. To deal with the fact that I'm not going to fall asleep, I'm binging on Evanescence.

 

~ Frank 

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I only feel more depressed now. I've been crying silently for a couple hours. I feel so alone, although someone's right next to me. I'm so dependent on people that I feel guilty. 

 

~ Frank

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