If it's not guilt, then what is it? Why care otherwise, for the sense of self control?
"That can still be seen as love, affection, and pleasure to the right person. Would it no longer be the same thing if they were enjoying it on some level?
How would you feel if someone tried to do that sort of thing back to you? Like a battle?"
It was done to me once... and all I wanted to do after was destroy her.
"I generally dislike feeling truly vulnerable. It happens very rarely, because I take deliberate measures to avoid feeling vulnerable, but when it does, there is nothing sexy about it for me"
"I'm actually attracted to the idea of someone making me feel vulnerable in a sexual way. But I have trouble defining what kind of vulnerable I'm after. I dislike when a lover tries to humiliate for sexual pleasure. I end up triggered and then all I want to do is crush them. I can't articulate even to myself what kind of vulnerability I wish to experience. I only know that it hasn't happened yet.
ImNotHer stated: source post
"What do you mean when you say "kink comes very naturally"? What parts, specifically? (Sexual power exchange as a dynamic...? Taking or releasing control?)"
I mean that I didn't know that what I was already doing from the beginning, was considered kink. I hardly understood that some things are considered taboo. So I was willing to try almost anything, and I never questioned it, because it was sex, and sex was fascinating to me. It got me high. It's all I ever thought about. I was obsessed with its power, and through it I discover my own.
I relate to this. When I started messing around with s/m, I didn't even know that what we were doing had a name.
It still gets me high.
How does your partner deal with the fact that you are unable to connect with him in that way?
ImNotHer stated: source post
"And yet, oddly, I do end up feeling a type of affection for some of those for whom I have so generously torn a new asshole."
I feel this in real life. When I'm deconstructing my partner both mentally and emotionally, first I get high, then when they reach a point where I've humbled them and the are on their knees (So to speak), I feel overwhelming affection. It isn't lasting though. Nothing is.
Same here! And the worst part is that I think everyone should get over things as quickly as me, but most people don't process their emotions the way I do, and I need to learn to accept that without getting impatient.
My emotional states don't last long. I flatline to neutral very quickly. Even anger, which, apart from lust, is the emotion I tend to feel most intensely, doesn't last long. I don't hold grudges. And unless it is in reference to my life partner, neither does the underlying affection. My feelings are very fleeting, so I tend to not rely on them.
ImNotHer stated: source post
"I generally dislike feeling truly vulnerable. It happens very rarely, because I take deliberate measures to avoid feeling vulnerable, but when it does, there is nothing sexy about it for me"
"I'm actually attracted to the idea of someone making me feel vulnerable in a sexual way. But I have trouble defining what kind of vulnerable I'm after. I dislike when a lover tries to humiliate for sexual pleasure. I end up triggered and then all I want to do is crush them. I can't articulate even to myself what kind of vulnerability I wish to experience. I only know that it hasn't happened yet.
Again, I can relate. I don't do humiliation in a sexual context. If someone were to try to humiliate me, I would crush them. It would trigger me right into "attack mode"- and I would pull no punches in rapidly turning the tables on them. And if someone were to desire being humiliated by me, it would likely cause me to view them as weak and contemptible, which for me, isn't sexy. The kind of vulnerability that attracts me is the unconscious, doe-eyed kind.
But I'm not sure. No one has ever asked me to do that to them, apart from Ww3... and ugh. Ya know? It just doesn't work for me.