Sociopath Community

Turncoat stated: source post

I read what you're saying, but I don't think I can relate to it. I've found myself better off on the opposite path. 

I mostly tried that when I was younger for appearances, then once more in college when I assumed that my nature would alienate me or steer others wrongly after an experience haunted me a bit. I thought it was guilt, but it was really fear and needless self-correction.

Now that I'm over that I feel more liberated, freed, and from it my natural talents have had room to grow. Repressing my true nature served to weaken me, and letting it flow naturally let me find ways that it'd work for me instead of slip through the cracks outside of my control and hinder me in it's release. Better to let it breathe than burst. 

I'd rather be me than what is expected of me, and if that does some sort of eternal damnation aftermath then at least I can know that I lived as myself and not as who some judging force demands I be. Even if my Nihilism ends up wrong, the threat of a punishing afterlife is not enough for me to throw away my freedom. Hell'd be more me than some eternal afterlife full of pompous repressed pretenders, as even once in heaven the expectations wouldn't be gone. If they were, there'd be no fallen angels. 

Guilt doesn't work as a deterrent for me. I don't experience emotional states intensely enough for them to be truly transformative.

I have found that I cannot repress my true nature. So instead I try to channel and shape it in the ways that will best help me to achieve my life goals. It does slip in trough the cracks, though. Sometimes I'll find myself being very callous, insensitive, and prone to reacting in an inordinately aggressive manner if I sense even the slightest bit of hostility from someone. And if I get angry, I am prone to giving nasty blows beneath the belt.

I don't think eternity will be filled with pompous pretenders. I think we will be free to be who we were truly created to be, unhindered by such things as cruelty, ego, pompousness, and pride. And I hear you regarding the threat of punishment. It doesn't work on me, either. I am still going to do exactly what I'm going to do. But what I believe does shape my choices to a certain extent. It causes me to moderate my self-indulgence, and serves to cull my pride.

Pain as pleasure can even happens to those with normal senses. Tickling can do this too, strangely. 

I'm a control freak, so this goes back to the unclenched stress ball comparison I gave before. I cannot allow myself to be vulnerable, and that builds up stress, but of course this made me priorly assume that I'd hate losing it, especially when I already had a negative association with the idea from my combination of disorders. With someone else at the helm I can trust however, I finally can let myself breathe, but I can't just let that happen, something has to make it happen, and there needs to be a considerable amount to get me where I want to go. Pain and restraint has shown itself to be that gateway, and it has me literally shed aspects of my identity, my walls, until I am just desperate yet soothed sensation and want. So many things stop mattering once I just let go. That state is true freedom in a sensory way, as opposed to the indulgent yet conscious self that can be oppressively present for people like me when the one steering (the sadistic urges developing aren't helping). Having control can be like eating sweets, which in it's own way is delicious, but being controlled is another beast entirely. 

I basically get the symptoms of ecstacy from the experience coupled with a feeling of being enthralled. My will is not entirely mine during that and my once existant need for control is suddenly gone. Even after it's all said and done, they still hold onto a portion of me, and that makes me feel both safe and euphoric, more amorous as their plaything than I ever was as an individual. 

It also becomes easier to taunt and pain-flirt once the connection is made, and the control seems to become an intoxicating itch and a lust for power and domination. It's great to cause someone otherwise afraid of being seen as violent in public to need to keep me in line, to control them into controlling me.

In a weird way, my giving them a piece of myself gives us both power over eachother. We both end up with appetites we can both feed. Despite the appearance of handing over partial control, we both really end up slaves to carnal desires, unable to help ourselves when in the pressence of one another, recognizing the mutual need and being drawn to eachother like magnets from it. 

It was initially hard for me to let go, but I thankfully have an easy medium for getting there. For those that in life need control the most, they can be the hardest to break down, but once broken down it's interesting to see what lies underneath, what persists, what remains of you and where that'll take you after the regression has run it's course. It's honest, raw, and real compared to all of the shit we tell ourselves that we are. 

Alterego stated: source post

The kind of satisfaction I derive from stripping people down here is unhealthy for me to indulge in, because it is not coming from a place of affection. It almost always an expression of my contempt for someone, or something they said.

And yet, oddly, I do end up feeling a type of affection for some of those for whom I have so generously torn a new asshole. :P

I still don't understand why this sort of thing is a problem. What's wrong with indulging in the sorts of things that might make you viewed as a quote unquote "bad person"?  

Other people don't feel pain the way you're making it out to be. Could be worth some experimentation.

This is so true. Pain can literally be processed as pleasure.

I am interested in how you say it tears down walls and makes you feel vulnerable. I have never experienced that. I wonder if it is because I am not emotionally engaged during these acts...? I am intoxicated by lust, and it is all-consuming.

Or perhaps it is that I have never truly ceded control. But since I don't enjoy feeling vulnerable, I don't see any reason to explore that further. It doesn't appeal to me.

I basically get the symptoms of ecstacy from the experience coupled with a feeling of being enthralled. My will is not entirely mine during that and my once existant need for control is suddenly gone. Even after it's all said and done, they still hold onto a portion of me, and that makes me feel both safe and euphoric, more amorous as their plaything than I ever was as an individual.

I can't say that I relate, exactly- but I do know the endorphin rush after a hard s/m session bonds me to my partner in a way that sex doesn't.

It also becomes easier to taunt and pain-flirt once the connection is made, and the control seems to become an intoxicating itch and a lust for power and domination.

Now that's just delicious. ;)

It's great to cause someone otherwise afraid of being seen as violent in public to need to keep me in line.

Mmm...

My husband and I have a rather combative dynamic, even in public. We tease each other, and build sexual tension in this way frequently. For me, that kind of play helps to keeps things interesting, even though the novelty of our relationship has long since worn off. But then, I think novelty is overrated. Experience is king. I anticipate what we do, because he knows exactly what to do to make me feel so fucking good, and that never bores me. :)

We are physically close because the chemistry is good, and always has been. The only real difference between us is that he has an unnegotiable need for physical monogamy, whereas I would like to be a bit more open. But he has made it clear that this would hurt him too much, and I know this to be true. For him, this is a hard limit, and I love him enough to accept it. He is worth it.

In a weird way, my giving them a piece of myself gives us both power over each other. We both end up with appetites we can both feed. Despite the appearance of handing over partial control, we both really end up slaves to carnal desires, unable to help ourselves when in the presence of one another, recognizing the mutual need and being drawn to each other like magnets from it.

Yeah. It's so fucking hot when you have such a visceral, carnal dynamic with someone, combined with mutual trust and respect. There is nothing like it. If you find it, hang on to it, because you have found something rare and valuable.

In the 1st month i met my fiance, she got kicked out of her house, went to 2 mental hospitals and lost her job. She's said its mostly my fault.

I enjoyed reading this.

"It's such an itch right now to want to see what your kinks are."

Why? What would you be getting out of it?

"What do you mean when you say "kink comes very naturally"? What parts, specifically? (Sexual power exchange as a dynamic...? Taking or releasing control?)"

I mean that I didn't know that what I was already doing from the beginning, was considered kink. I hardly understood that some things are considered taboo. So I was willing to try almost anything, and I never questioned it, because it was sex, and sex was fascinating to me. It got me high. It's all I ever thought about. I was obsessed with its power, and through it I discover my own.

"And yet, oddly, I do end up feeling a type of affection for some of those for whom I have so generously torn a new asshole."

I feel this in real life. When I'm deconstructing my partner both mentally and emotionally, first I get high, then when they reach a point where I've humbled them and the are on their knees (So to speak), I feel overwhelming affection. It isn't lasting though. Nothing is.