TC: "There was a time where you and I were comparing it to fire a while back if I'm recalling it right? We'd have chats about it on the forum that would always be followed by Lycan showing protest (go figure, he'd likely have been the pincushion of such experimentation). You'd claim that you'd go too far, enjoy it too much, while I was still trying to entice the idea with words centered around "potential" or something to that effect. You'd flip between agreeing with him when you found your appetites scarier and agreeing with me when the idea sounded tasty enough to want to try and potentially embrace.
Your domming if it's anything like it's showcased itself to be on the forum doesn't seem entirely natural (could just be from Pray/Berk being bad choices, or from it not translating as naturally online, both things that make complete sense), but you really could be quitethe sadist. You've claimed before that the forum is "bad for you", but I think it's closer to the forum bringing out a side of you that you either may not be as used to dealing with being on the surface or that you simply may not agree with allowing to be a part of yourself.
I think the part of you that enjoys another's suffering has the means of being something of pure, raw beauty. What I've seen of your nature tells me that you'd find it delectable, but aspects of guilt and perhaps circumstance appeared to be limiting your palate. I've seen many become bored of sex from their appetites not being touched on in a way that they'd prefer or perhaps even need, could this perhaps be another case of that? Kinks need room to breathe sometimes, otherwise the flame will weaken and eventually go out."
ImNotHer stated: source post
Let's start with what you said of me domming. I don't take that role play seriously at all. If it doesn't come off as natural, it's because it isn't. I could never be natural on here in the past, and my ability to mimic others is good enough to pass, but I'm trying to learn not to do that anymore. It makes me into a phony and then when I try to be myself, no one believes it's really me.
I was hoping you didn't, that stuff was half-hearted and stilted. What motivated you to do that roleplay shtick with them in the first place? The only commonality I see between Berk and Pray is you playing the same game with them.
I don't really want to be some mistress wielding a whip. I'm not good at role play because I suck at pretending truth be told. Don't mistake what I say as having lack of imagination or mediocre performance skills. I just don't understand role play. It's so awkward and terrible. I want real. I don't want it to be an act. I need depth that isn't rehearsed or part of some alter ego, or false self.
What wouldn't be pretend for you, what is this depth you're speaking of? What's under there that you make seem untouched, unfulfilled? It's not pretend for everyone who tries to fit that role, but if it is for you than it likely isn't for you. Some find that sort of power play natural while others find it fake and awkward.
More importantly, what about sadism? That area's what warranted more discussion in the past between us, seemed like there could be more feeling behind it.
Let's start with what you said of me domming. I don't take that role play seriously at all. If it doesn't come off as natural, it's because it isn't. I could never be natural on here in the past, and my ability to mimic others is good enough to pass, but I'm trying to learn not to do that anymore. It makes me into a phony and then when I try to be myself, no one believes it's really me.
I don't really want to be some mistress wielding a whip. I'm not good at role play because I suck at pretending truth be told. Don't mistake what I say as having lack of imagination or mediocre performance skills. I just don't understand role play. It's so awkward and terrible. I want real. I don't want it to be an act. I need depth that isn't rehearsed or part of some alter ego, or false self.
Turncoat stated: source post
I was hoping you didn't, that stuff was half-hearted and stilted. What motivated you to do that roleplay shtick with them in the first place? The only commonality I see between Berk and Pray is you playing the same game with them.
They asked me to so I obliged. I wanted to give them what they were after from me even though it wasn't real. It seemed to work for pray regardless because she was using it to play out other motives, so it didn't matter if she believed it or not. With W it's like we're speaking two different languages and he seemed to take it serious, which spooked me and made me feel like more was expected from me than I was aware.
What wouldn't be pretend for you, what is this depth you're speaking of? What's under there that you make seem untouched, unfulfilled? It's not pretend for everyone who tries to fit that role, but if it is for you than it likely isn't for you. Some find that sort of power play natural while others find it fake and awkward.
More importantly, what about sadism? That area's what warranted more discussion in the past between us, seemed like there could be more feeling behind it.
I don't understand my sadism. What wouldn't be pretend for me is hard to put into words. I'm the dominant person in all of my relationships. Even at work. It's just the natural order things play out in. I think with sex I didn't bother to get to know what I wanted from it. It was just another means of exploring the other person much like how I analyse everything else about them. I think it was the only part of me I knew how to give, and yet, I wasn't really giving them my sexuality... I was giving them whatever got a new response. Something I could savor and dismantle piece by piece, for days after. I was novelty seeking which inevitably leads to an expiration. Then it was time to find someone else to explore so I could get that feeling back.
I know that making people feel vulnerable was more valuable to me than making them feel physical pain. I like taking people way out of their comfort zones.
ImNotHer stated: source post
Let's start with what you said of me domming. I don't take that role play seriously at all. If it doesn't come off as natural, it's because it isn't. I could never be natural on here in the past, and my ability to mimic others is good enough to pass, but I'm trying to learn not to do that anymore. It makes me into a phony and then when I try to be myself, no one believes it's really me.
I don't really want to be some mistress wielding a whip. I'm not good at role play because I suck at pretending truth be told. Don't mistake what I say as having lack of imagination or mediocre performance skills. I just don't understand role play. It's so awkward and terrible. I want real. I don't want it to be an act. I need depth that isn't rehearsed or part of some alter ego, or false self.
Is it possible that this somehow relates to your asperger's? Empress touched on this when she said sex is a dance. It is a form of communication. Whether or not this is "phony" depends entirely on what you are expressing- and not necessarily the context in which you choose to express it.
Why do you think that the act of domming or subbing has to be part of an act? Have you considered that for some people, it actually comes very naturally? Far from being a manifestation of a false self, it is an instinctive, primal form of communication that is every bit as intuitive as other ways of giving and receiving pleasure.
And you are quite correct in saying that it has anything to do with performance skills. A skilled sadist who just ain't into it is about as exciting as Jim's limp dick.
Ever since I first became sexually active, there has always been an element of power exchange in my sexual relationships.
Perhaps your experience of awkwardness, and sense that it comes from a "false self", is simply because you don't "speak" kink, in much the same way I don't "speak" vanilla. Strictly vanilla sex would quite literally feel unnatural and contrived, for me.
I'm not interested in vanilla sex. I actually think kink comes very natural to me. You can get kinky without BDSM coming into the picture, can't you? I'm just now learning how my mind works and that I don't articulate ideas the way I think I do, so I may come across as contradictory. When I do, it's mainly to do with the aspergers. I know that now and it's like, I can't unsee it now. It has ruined a few things for me, but otherwise life has gotten better.
ImNotHer stated: source post
Turncoat stated: source post
I was hoping you didn't, that stuff was half-hearted and stilted. What motivated you to do that roleplay shtick with them in the first place? The only commonality I see between Berk and Pray is you playing the same game with them.
With W it's like we're speaking two different languages and he seemed to take it serious, which spooked me and made me feel like more was expected from me than I was aware.
I'm pretty sure he was just role playing harder than you were. He may have even had some source material on hand to try to make himself fit the part that much harder. His shtick is mimicry.
What wouldn't be pretend for you, what is this depth you're speaking of? What's under there that you make seem untouched, unfulfilled? It's not pretend for everyone who tries to fit that role, but if it is for you than it likely isn't for you. Some find that sort of power play natural while others find it fake and awkward.
More importantly, what about sadism? That area's what warranted more discussion in the past between us, seemed like there could be more feeling behind it.I don't understand my sadism. What wouldn't be pretend for me is hard to put into words. I'm the dominant person in all of my relationships. Even at work. It's just the natural order things play out in.
Forget domming as leather clothes, power talk, and whips for a second. How would you see yourself responding in the bedroom with absolute power, either earned through conquest or as the default from having a broken thing bent in front of you, whichever you'd prefer? Would it be awkward, would certain ideas come to mind once someone's been reduced to that, or is it more about the reducing itself than what comes after?
I think with sex I didn't bother to get to know what I wanted from it. It was just another means of exploring the other person much like how I analyse everything else about them. I think it was the only part of me I knew how to give, and yet, I wasn't really giving them my sexuality... I was giving them whatever got a new response.
So... sex was more about them than it was about yourself?
Something I could savor and dismantle piece by piece, for days after. I was novelty seeking which inevitably leads to an expiration. Then it was time to find someone else to explore so I could get that feeling back.
Novelty's a well that is always doomed to run out, but that could feasibly take a while depending on what sort of perspective's carried in that goal.
Is there anything else other than novelty? What sort of fantasies play out in your head? Are any of them consistent or does every single one wither and grow old if given the time?
I know that making people feel vulnerable was more valuable to me than making them feel physical pain. I like taking people way out of their comfort zones.
There's quite a few ways that that could be taken into sexualized behavior, as there's a large variety of ways that you can shame your partner. Someone who doesn't like being seen made to do exhibitionism for instance, someone who worries about their looks could be made to wear something ridiculous in public, someone who has a Napoleon complex could be shown for the weak pathetic worm that s/he is, your partner could be made to wear vibrating underpants with a remote control you can operate as a means of weakening their knees when the time calls for it, there's so many ways to use this in a lusty fashion if this is your aim. On top of that, your use of words and honing in on weaknesses is one of your greater strengths, and there's more than enough who can fetishize that sort of debasing.
I've had some fun brush ups with being lead around by a collar in public. It stung at first, but after enough looks it became strangely freeing from the submissive perspective. Pushing one's comfort zones is a fetish that exists on both sides, and I've personally enjoyed it from the receiving end a surprising amount.
How would you feel about physical pain making a person mentally vulnerable? Have you tried hurting someone with that goal in mind?