No. What's the problem?
The most recent person I stalked was some dude in his 40s. It was out of curiosity because I seen him walking up and down one of the main roads on a daily basis. So I found out who he associated with and whatnot. He probably figured out I noticed him when I stopped traffic to let him cross the road when his leg was broken. I think I awkwarded him out after that, as I asked him how his leg was doing, as the cast had been on a while. It was fun. I was done after that. He had that lonely look in his eye, so I wanted him to be important for a little while.
Then there's when I see a girl that is anxious and emotional, I notice that I tend to be a sucker for those. Their fragility kind of brings out my caring side, and I become infatuated with them. Especially if she's petite and has a "delicate" look to her. It arouses me.
Then there's the types that come my way first, they're narcissistic and want to manipulate and take advantage of me. The hell they've gotten themselves into.
Speaking of, I was wrong about how bad I was at manipulating that guy, as apparently he thought he just didn't deserve me. He came back grovelling before me again. Why he thinks he can win me with flattery is beyond me. Though I decided to be "honest" with him about his vulnerabilities. As a caring friend, lest anyone come his way trying to take advantage of him. Like for free rides places and such.
"but I'm helpless if see her physically."
You're only as helpless as you believe you are in situations like that.
"Who knows when this thing will finally blow over."
You do, and from the sounds of it your answer is "not anytime soon". If you keep self-victimizing, you enable yourself to stay on the path toward patheticness that only you pave for yourself.
There are no baby steps toward real recovery. It takes a "rip the bandage" approach to make it not become self-indulgent.
"Legal ramifications mean nothing. Crack is illegal, doesn't stop people from obtaining it."
Just because she is like a drug to you does not mean that the situation should be treated in the same fashion.
"I don't need help and a shrink wouldn't make a difference. This is something I have to do on my own."
They can offer an outside perspective, something you sound like you desperately need.
When someone attempts to better me, men more than women. I will do my utmost to shoot them out of the water.
People who are egotistical in nature, especially men, really...deeply irritate me and always end up a target. I love seeing the power slip from their hands, as their pathetic ego dissolves and they realize how weak they are.
Men are more often the target than women.I only have two women at the moment, in my metaphorical crosshair. My lack of patience with males is likely to do with my history, with my blood father and step father. Men attempting to be "alpha males" are something i cannot tolerate. The primitive acts they display, the way they act like an uncivilized monkey desperate to spread their inferior seed. It is one act i never buy because it is often a ruse.
Women, i am often tolerant of, sometimes to an extent that borders on a light friendship. Perhaps because most of them i find attractive in some way, even a couple married women i know.
Generally, i don't care about most things. Anything that attempts to lower my standing, destroy my persona or corrupt my image is met with revenge. Non-violent revenge may i add. Violence is the easy man's tool.