"I won't be seeking professional help of any kind. I believe that wouldn't help and it's against my own ideology. There will be a day soon where I don't care about her anymore and I'll never rob myself of the satisfaction that I did it all on my own."
What, too much of a coward to let yourself receive help? Afraid that the things they might say might depress or shock you, or that it might make you too vulnerable in front of another human being? In the end you only have yourself to push through those hurdles, but an outside eye can show you what those hurdles might be.
There is nothing wrong with an outside opinion, and a shrink can offer you that with a background of psychology. Anything said in there will not be shared with others unless you either grant such consent, say those things openly yourself, or rid yourself of the right to it being kept private. They can't even force you to take anything, everything you do with those visits is completely up to you.
by UnseeneyeWhen someone attempts to better me, men more than women. I will do my utmost to shoot them out of the water.
People who are egotistical in nature, especially men, really...deeply irritate me and always end up a target. I love seeing the power slip from their hands, as their pathetic ego dissolves and they realize how weak they are.
Men are more often the target than women.I only have two women at the moment, in my metaphorical crosshair. My lack of patience with males is likely to do with my history, with my blood father and step father. Men attempting to be "alpha males" are something i cannot tolerate. The primitive acts they display, the way they act like an uncivilized monkey desperate to spread their inferior seed. It is one act i never buy because it is often a ruse.
You sound like you're projecting a lot of jealousy and envy here. I suppose at least you've identified the cause of it - your relationships with your father and step father suggest that you haven't had ideal male role models. If those men once wielded power over you I can see why you would enjoy seeing the power slip from the hands of men who resemble them today.
Jealousy "Feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety of the loss of something great."
I do not feel jealous because if i did, i would feel anxious and would not respond to these people. What i feel is more akin to being irritated by them.
Perhaps part of the issue is my anarchic dislike for organizations with leaders. I always enjoy disrupting, circumventing or fragmenting them, as much as possible.
These people draw my attention and deserve my hatred.