It wasn't logical at all, and there was little I could really do that wouldn't put myself into a worse situation. I saw myself in what few times I wasn't mindlessly going through it as compromising between a bad and worse set of problems. This woman did death threats, and she was one who would actually act on it.
I was weak. The last thing I'd aim to do is show that I had strength during that period of time. It's a complex set of factors where I didn't even identify as myself while going into a state of shock, so rationale was not really on the menu.
On top of all of this, my schizophrenia was increasing at an alarming rate without me even knowing it was a thing before any of that had even happened (pre-zinc drama), my insomnia was making me more of a mess as it increased to longer durations of time, facing the withdrawal from the earlier referenced breakup, and somehow I had to be able to concentrate to get better grades since my first year's GPA was the definition of shit. A list of excuses? Yes, but they are also factors that compiled into temporarily breaking me down into something capable of being used. It was easier to dissociate from life since none of it matters anyway.
Holy fucking hell Turncoat. I can't even begin on this... This girl really was on a power trip with you. She psychologically dominated you, took advantage of your weakness. So she was a crazy fucked up woman, and you were too terrified of her to not break her jaw, as you should have. Had you shown any defiance and spirit, she'd have backed off. The bit I have most problems with though is this:
"I started recovering and she began receding, friends wouldn't trust my claims either for seeming too crazy to be true or from the usual "How can a man be raped?"
So you told your friends the fat girl raped you, and not only did they brush it off, but they allowed her to be close to you? I just can't wrap my head around this. Had they no fucking respect for you? How the hell could they even tell it to your face that they think you'd make that shit up. I'd have beaten them to a pulp and happily dealt with any legal consequences of that.
It's also amazing that you stuck around in that nightmare for so long. Never let yourself be trampled on like that again TC. Don't hesitate to leave an intolerable situation like that one because you fear things might get worse. Worse, how, I can't even imagine what could be worse that that...
I wasn't given a negative reaction, well, more like I didn't care to notice if they had one. It wasn't about them and what they wanted, it was about what I wanted, and I wouldn't cease until I satisfied my "want".
by MrOmegaPhiSorry, I've been raped before, but I was drugged out, no consent was given and I woke up with a sore asshole. That's about it. I don't even know the details of what happened. I don't consider it rape. It wasn't something I felt that I needed to go to the police about. I didn't feel as if I had been injured or psychologically damaged.
Whether you want to accept it or not, you've been assraped buddy.
Everyone perceives these sort of invasions differently. If assrape has no impact on you, it doesn't mean that it doesn't have impact on other people. Consider that before you call others babies for valuing the right to decide what happens to their own bodies.
If you ask me, you're the little floormat for being ok with some random dick doing what it wanted inside you. I wonder if you'd also be ok with some random guy entering your house and taking a shit on your kitchen table. People with some self respect would have a problem with that, but you seem to lack it.
by Edvard
by MrOmegaPhiSorry, I've been raped before, but I was drugged out, no consent was given and I woke up with a sore asshole. That's about it. I don't even know the details of what happened. I don't consider it rape. It wasn't something I felt that I needed to go to the police about. I didn't feel as if I had been injured or psychologically damaged.
Whether you want to accept it or not, you've been assraped buddy.
Everyone perceives these sort of invasions differently. If assrape has no impact on you, it doesn't mean that it does't have impact on other people. Consider that before you call others babies for valuing the right to decide what happens to their own bodies.
If you ask me, you're the little floormat for being ok with some random dick doing what it wanted inside you. I wonder if you'd be ok with some random guy entering your house and taking a shit on your kitchen table too. People with some self respect would, but you seem to lack it.
Is that a job offer?
"So she was a crazy fucked up woman, and you were too terrified of her to not break her jaw, as you should have."
Trust me, I'd have been made to be the bad guy in everyone's eyes, especially if it went to any sort of courts. She ruined other people too, she just didn't go as far. As much of a mess as she was, she really knew how to play victim and knew how to bend a story to make herself sound innocent. My success at sabotage was because I managed to spread the info without her knowledge (until the art project anyway). Once she caught wind of it, she began a smear campaign about my sanity and credibility, portraying her own version of the story that would be easier to swallow.
"Had you shown any defiance and spirit, she'd have backed off."
Defiance and spirit was what made her escalate to the point of rape in the first place (along with what led to her doing the whole knife-point thing), and the shock fugue thing pretty much took what potential there was of that from me. Trust me, I was the affable asshole of the group, they saw me as the strong one in many respects. When it happened, that shift was probably jarring. They're just people. They needed a lot of time and reinforcement to fathom that it was even real.
"So you told your friends the fat girl raped you, and not only did they brush it off, but they allowed her to be close to you? I just can't wrap my head around this."
Neither could I. They were scared, confused, and self-serving. As I mentioned before, I had to show how it was also about them to get any support, because when it appeared to be just me? It was easier to just pretend she didn't exist like they were already doing. Even my own mother took this approach.
My father's response were pretty much in line with mine: Realizing nothing could be done. I had to convince him to not do something about it so he'd not be thrown in jail at the start to let the rage get out of his system. Once capable of reason again, we were sadly on the same page.
"Had they no fucking respect for you?"
They were cowards, and I wasn't much better.
"How the hell could they even tell it to your face that they think you'd make that shit up."
I think it was closer to a status quo or occam's razor sort of thing. It made more sense that it never happened to them, and they were not prepared for it in even the slightest. Certainly taught me how much people won't do for their fellow man. They had this look of confusion and shock, usually followed by quickly forgetting it.
"Never let yourself be trampled on like that again TC."
Oh believe me, it won't. I've been followed by crazy people all my life. If not her with rape, it was people flashing lighters at my hair close enough to catch a flame, scissors at my neck/arms, a case where I was strangled (while the people around me just watched in horror), threats and actions made by people who felt there was nothing to lose in their delusional states, medication imbalances they felt the need to take out on me, things of that nature. Each of those had more clear cut solutions that were easy to turn around on them, but this one baffled and blindsighted me.
I was naive and hadn't even ventured the possibility of being raped by a woman until it happened. I was on board with the whole "How would that even work?" train of thought, and even after I was still confused related to it (since for a while I'd just black it out).
"Don't hesitate to leave an intolerable situation like that one because you fear things might get worse."
Leaving would have meant dropping out of college. Going about it as I did is why I have my degree. If I left and she stayed, she'd have won in that regard. Even if there was a place for me to stay (which there wasn't), I'd have been alone, and she knows how to pick locks. With roommates around she was pacified.