""Stalkers are not dangerous. They are just confused or mentally weak"
Im speechless.
"If you were this supposed "best choice", social context wouldn't have been enough to rip you two apart. Stalking would have never become the alternative if it was a strong enough relationship, and any words said against you wouldn't have held water and led to a break up in the first place. "
The lesbian held credibility, being my targets best friend at the time. I was completely and utterly discredited. She refused to believe me and I would not let a opportunity like this pass me. So I had to express my caring and concerns in alternative ways to get her attention. I know it isn't right, but it's what I believed at the time. I see this pivotal moment as the start of my habit.
by SystematicIt's not that I can't participate in others activities, more of that I don't want to.
As for being a stalker, at times it can make you the happiest person or depressed depending on how your relationship with your person of intrest is. For example, one day I woke up to a "good morning" text, that included a picture of her and her hopes that I have a successful day. I drafted that message and that was 2 years ago. It's still there. When you care for someone that much, a simple sentence from them can blind you with happiness.
On the other hand, being a stalker will make life miserable. I had a tedious surveillance routine that included checking her facebook, twitter and tumblr 3 times a day. I also screened her closer friends and relatives once a day to gain insight on any problems she may not be so forthcoming about. I texted her once every 23 days, just to keep my name floating in her head and to gain long term credibility. I would even date some of her friends simply to get closer to her and that within itself requires another set of background checks and relations.
All of this work and then you realize it's been 4 years and that all of this will amount to nothing. The fact that when I die my last thoughts will be of her and she won't even think anything of it besides the loss of a distant friend. The fact that I am physically, mentally and financially superior to any man she has dated but yet I can only watch. The simple fact that she is everything to me and yet I am nothing to her. the fact that when I'm old and gray, I'll still be here.
The best way to summarize this is to a stockbroker who has sold everything he has and will ever have for this share that is constantly sinking and he is just riding it out because he can't afford the loss.
Wow... That's an intense obsession for you. It must have been draining as hell. How could you let someone else have that much control over your mental state, for so long... I don't know, I couldn't live like that, I don't know how your ego could cope with it for 4 years.
by SystematicI could agree with the NPD, but I feel as though I'm nothing like those insecure things. I'm definitely narcissistic, but it didn't come along as a defensive response to any insecurities. Instead it came from repeated success at the highest level. If I truly want something, I will have it. Hell, even she, my woman of intrest is no exception to this rule. Basically, is it narcissism if you really aren't insecure?
As for my stalking it's always constant for me. When I got into relationships outside of her, nothing drove me to relationship besides sex. They all grow stale and boring after a while, I was more content with just being her friend than being in a actual relationship with another woman. That phase passed a couple months ago. The person I'm with now is starting to make me feel otherwise.
The logic in my stalking comes from me being her best choice in a relationship. Like I said before I'm physically, mentally and financially stronger than any of the men she thought of dating. We share so much in common, she was the first person I met that not only understood my way of thinking but had it as well. We were friends since childhood, I know more about her in some areas than her mother. You see, it's all built off of her irrationality. I am the best option for her, she just can't see it or chooses not to out of doubt. Me showing my long term affection eventually eroded that doubt but I had found by then she wasn't who I made her out to be.
Most of the time logic has nothing to do with relationships and bonds. It's a great deal simply a matter of chemistry... It's bodies signaling each other in mysterious ways and attractions forming without any logic behind them. When infatuated, you can end up dating the worst of people, and for their sake make really stupid choices, fight with friends and family and throw away good opportunities. Other times, the "perfect" partner on paper just leaves you cold. It's how this stuff works, irrational attraction is what makes you go after that woman in the first place. There must be so many women that are better "on paper" than your target, yet you somehow got fixed on one, and there's no way you made your choice based on rational reasons.
Who is to say that the rational choice is the best choice anyway. What is "best". You can't force love and attraction. Your entire issue is that you have no control over that, no one has. Your persistence is just an ambition to reach an unreachable goal because you can't cope with failure and rejection.
by SystematicI strongly believe I am her best choice(well, used to).
Our original relationship together, before the stalking was amazing for her and me. A single jealous individual abused her billet within my targets social hierarchy to cast me down with lies. So you see, it's not the idea that I could be her best option, but the fact that I am. We had a successful relationship until it was sabotaged. My wealth, aesthetic, physical and mental superiority are just bonuses to a already proven, emotional connection we share.
"Careful with those. From experience, they can have some nasty side effects."
Too late.
The way you talk about her makes me think you're not over her at all. You keep switching between past and present tenses, your fantasies/scenarios posted in other threads still include her...
And let me get this straight, 2 different times someone (a guy and a lesbian) sabottaged your relationship with her by "telling lies" and she bought them? Believe me, if you really had smth strong to begin with, people could have told her horrible TRUTHS and she'd still have brushed them off. There never was that chemistry and spark between the two of you, it's time to accept that. In reality, she never was that much into you. Blame the chemistry if you want, it's still reality.
by SystematicI've never failed anything.
I'm in the Marine Corps, have been for just short of a year now.
I wouldn't make such accusations without prior knowledge.
Didn't you say you work in a factory doing rhythmic/mechanical movements all day? Just smth that stuck in my mind.
by SystematicWhy did my opinion change of her after we were in a relationship?
A considerable amount of time had passed since we last met, she changed. Not the person I cared for anymore.
I saw myself as her match simply because I rose above my peers in every category. We were at one point best friends, who else could possibly understand and care for her the way I could?
I am ashamed that it has taken this long.
When she dated other men, it didn't bother me. I knew they were temporary, just a changing of the seasons. Their existence to her would be momentary while I remained, standing the test of time.
She became aware of my stalking after 2 years, she didn't mind it. Occasionally she would tell me it was comforting to know someone was always there for her.
She'd never use me, but I'd gladly volunteer.
As for the poem, I don't respond to demands nicely.
Wait, she knew you were stalking her/always watching all this time? That was the problem. You being "always there" for her is what turned her off and made you boring, you were a caught fish for her while you were still trying "to catch" her. If she was aware of the huge power tilt in her favor, ofc she perceived you as a weak male. Women smell that sort of desperation on a man. You were too eager, too available to keep her interested. Women love a good chase also, love to go for the unavailable target just like you love to go for the unavailable target... You'd be amazed how easy it is to get females interested by playing hard to get. It's very ironic that you of all people missed to see this.
by EdvardYou know ris, we think more alike than I'd like to admit. I bet you also had the Chi puppet, I remember thinking the same when I was reading his posts.
I've been called some awful things in my time, edvard. Some warranted, some not...hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libellous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystrophic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, and socially inept. But I have to say, ed, this "we think more alike than I'd like to admit" will take some beating!