"passive"-aggressive? LOL
Don't worry smelly balls. Im very direct. You'll always be the first to know exactly how pathetic I think you are, with your failed blackmail attempts, countless fake internet "personas", and desperate attempts to seem threatening, when everyone here knows exactly what an impotent, weak loser you are.
Aw, I sense that life isn't working out for you, right now, the way you had planned, falter. Did you get fired or something? :'(
Aw, its ok, you can take it out on me, I don't mind ;)
"Smelly balls"
Really? C'mon falter, I thought you were better than retorting to childish insults that get thrown around in kindergarten :D
"Impotent"
Hahahahahahahahaha
Though I see myself as trying to be rational with my self-diagnosis, I honestly no idea which disorder or disorders describes me best; I seem to be a combination of a few. I believe that, while I show many sociopathic traits, I am mostly a Cluster A personality.
ASPD/Sociopathy- I believe I am more of a 'dormant' sociopath. I lie, cheat, and steal when I feel like it; I don't see anything wrong with that, and I feel no remorse. I am chronically bored. There is virtually nothing in this world that brings me contentment, let alone joy. I brush people off coldly or ignore them unless I need something from them. I find humor in grotesque things- I read The Cask of Amontillado this morning for English, and I couldn't stop laughing at Fortunato's demise. I consider myself to be 'dormant' because while I have many sadistic impulses, I do not act on them. Likewise, I do not take any actions that might compromise the mask that I have built up.
Schizoid Personality Disorder-
I don't like being around other people. I hate crowded areas and feel as if everybody is watching me. I HATE hugs and kisses, especially when my relatives try to kiss me on my cheek or forehead. I have almost said this numerous times "No, Grandma, you can't give me a hug, because I have no regard for your existence and the way you try to kiss me when you give me a hug is the single most revolting thing I have ever experienced. Now fuck off." Alas, that remark shall have to remain inside my head. :3
I don't care about other people's problems. I don't care about death that doesn't affect me immediately. If caught unaware, my face is blank and expressionless. Before I knew how to put up a better charade, this caused many of my peers to write me off as stuck-up and cruel. I used to not understand that people expected me to smile and wave to them in the hallways when they smiled and waved at me. I thought, okay, I have registered your greeting, I don't have to return one if I don't want to, right?
I prefer mechanical activities, such as MMO's where I solo the game and grind quests methodically.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder-
I experience the sensations with bugs that you mentioned, Vicarious. I constantly feel as if spiders and roaches are on my back or head, and in my mouth. I always think I will find one when I try to eat a fig or plum or other food. (Mostly fruit, though.)
I experience deja vu constantly.
I am a very paranoid person. I-oh, look, I just did it- look over my shoulder at least three times a minute. I feel that people are watching me through my window. I always think that when I turn on the lights in my room, there will be someone with a knife. Or zombies. Or I think I will step on a snake or an electrical wire if I step into my room without the lights.
The words people will leap to use to describe me are: "odd, quirky, eccentric, silent, cold, aloof." I love the company of books and my imagination. I dress like a gypsy or a harem girl and I could easily start a pawn shop with the jewelry I wear, which I fidget with constantly. I am very superstitious. I carry stones for Cleromancy and a pack of tarot cards in my bag. I take care to touch or stir things four times. When I am nervous, I clutch my ankh necklace with a death grip. I wear khol eyeliner and red lipstick before I go out so that my eyes and mouth can "lie."
I wouldn't mind writing about my delusions and ask your opinion about whether I might have schizophrenia, but I feel as if I've written enough for now. My ankh is being suffocated already.
I'm pretty nervous, but I feel ok about sharing this. So let me know what you think, and maybe I'll write some more.
-blackdove788
by JonesEven the guy who came up with the DSM had to admit:
"There is no definition of a mental disorder. It's bullshit. I mean, you just can't define it..." - Allen Frances.
But that won't stop them from milking the suckers. I might as well go and sell hugs on a street corner.
fucking A......
Forgive me father, for I have sinned…
I’m irresponsible where I should be behaving in an opposite manner and pay too much attention to the things that are utterly meaningless in the long run. I have many various distractions to keep me from being bored but they are also keeping me from being as productive as I could be. Despite I’m aware of that I have a hard time solving this problem. Even now I’m wasting my time writing this instead of doing something useful. Although I do try my best I face many various difficulties, e.g. I’ve set an evening regime to be better rested and whilst it is good in a way, now I complete even less things! On the other hand, I demand a lot from myself (as well as from others), so I’m not really a lost cause just yet.
I am good at planning a few steps ahead but I have no long term goals set for the future. Therefore, I lack stimulation to focus on the important things. Nevertheless, if I would complete my daily plans, I wouldn’t have to worry about the future. Well, to be honest, as indicated by the first paragraph, I’m careless about it even now.
I glow in extreme situations and thus I’m more likely to engage in them instead of avoiding. Even though, I am fairly rational and I minimize the risk by behaving in the best possible way under the circumstances and according to my abilities, one day I may get myself killed.
I am a sadist and a misanthrope. I enjoy seeing people suffer and I ridicule them in various ways sometimes for fun, sometimes because I despise them wholeheartedly. I also laugh when people get hurt and so on. Nevertheless, I learned to mask these things a little and am rather likeable amongst people. Moreover, I don’t feel the urge to harm people to get off, so I don’t put people in danger of physical harm (unless I’m provoked).
I am apathetic. I don’t cry at funerals and don’t really care about people. There are a few humans I consider to be my friends (a bit more than just useful for me) but they are only important when I’m getting what I want from them and I forget that they even exist until I need them again.
I am very strict, demanding and unremorseful, even a bit OCD. I am unforgiving of failures and don’t praise achievements. If I was a president, I’d be a total dictator. Hitler would be considered an angel while compared to the terror I would do. And yet, as a result the remaining people would be law-abiding and our country would be progressing more efficiently!
I am very greedy. It’s good for me, but presumably bad for others since I don’t mind to benefit from them nor am willing to help if it would require me to change my plans. In fact, I’m annoyed when people get into my way with their needs. What is more, I use people to my advantage and, even though I understand that it is wrong, I don’t feel that in the least.
I am stubborn, which sometimes complicates my social interactions. I look calm, but I can explode anytime and stir some hell.
Even though I prefer solitary activities, I don’t mind being around people. In fact, sometimes I’m even drawn to them. Nevertheless, the more I socialise, the worse I feel afterwards. As a result, I become easily angered and so on.
That’s all that I can think off right now and, even though I clearly see my pros and cons, I don’t feel capable of drastically changing myself for the better. Although, there are various advantages of being me as well, so maybe things are good the way they are.
P.S. You may check INTJ and Choleric descriptions for more negative features, if you’re interested. Also, as I’ve said before, I consider myself to be a primary Psychopath with some traits of SPD and recently discovered minor OCD.
Bipolar 1- More manic episodes than depressed
I have every symptom to a certain degree. I am on meds but could be on more meds. Meds have sexual side effects, and cause me to feel like I am apathetic and am a zombie.
Mania-
Excessive happiness, hopefulness, and excitement
Sudden changes from being joyful to being irritable, angry, and hostile
Restlessness, increased energy, and less need for sleep
Rapid talk, talkativeness
Distractibility
Racing thoughts
High sex drive
Tendency to make grand and unattainable plans
Tendency to show poor judgment, such as impulsively deciding to quit a job
Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity -- unrealistic beliefs in one's ability, intelligence, and powers; may be delusional
Increased reckless behaviors (such as lavish spending sprees, impulsive sexual indiscretions, abuse of alcohol or drugs, or ill-advised business decisions)
Some people with bipolar disorder become psychotic, hearing things that aren't there. They may hold onto false beliefs, and cannot be swayed from them. In some instances, they see themselves as having superhuman skills and powers -- even consider themselves to be god-like.
I think you just described something I feel perfectly.
"The more I socialize, the worse I feel afterwards." Very rarely do I crave social interaction. When I do end up at a party or event, I'll either:
A) instantly feel queasy and bolt, or pick up a book and hide behind the largest potted plant I can find
or B) charm everyone attending for the next few hours, seem like I'm having a smashing time, and then go home and punch something or drink or berate myself because it was terrible. "What were you thinking? Interaction with organic life forms? You could have been home drinking mai tai's and playing AION!!"
I also have no goals for the future. I get distracted and easily overpower myself in arguments about whether or not I should work, focus, and plan. My 'id' side is much more influencing and stubborn than my 'superego' side, heh. >_<
Speaking of which, I should probably get back to work, maybe. Hm.
-blackdove
