Sociopath Community

Depressed symptoms- which I also have most of

Common symptoms of bipolar depression include:

Feeling hopeless, sad, or empty.
Irritability
Inability to experience pleasure
Fatigue or loss of energy
Physical and mental sluggishness
Appetite or weight changes
Sleep problems
Concentration and memory problems
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Thoughts of death or suicide

And you have stunning eyes.

I think HyperCube and Richard Parker would be a good love match. :D They both seem smart and good looking.
I love Richard, but I think I'm too young for him. :(  sobs  

I get those chills, too! I just start trembling violently and I can't stop. It's not because I'm cold or anything.

I actually don't dress for attention, I wear what I wear because it makes me feel comfortable. I hate tight or short clothing and I like flowy things. Except for when my personality switches and I wear all leather and military boots... but that's something I'll try to analyze another time. O.O

I also start shuddering when I hear chalk on a chalkboard, or people filing their nails, or fire alarms. I absolutely hate those sounds, though they are more like sensations for me. Even just imagining them makes me shiver. I have never used a nail file to this day. >_<

I always have to inspect a piece of fruit or my bed thoroughly because I am convinced I will find a lizard or a roach or a snake in there somewhere.

Trust me, I am well aware of that. What is more, since you aren't TK (to whom my reply was addressed), I can't fathom the purpose of your comment, I'm afraid.

Anyway, if you aren't a priest, then who would you be? :)

I am nothing, no one.

I do that with seeds, too! And I always think I see a bug in my room, so I'll grab a vase or a wooden post (I keep it at my bedside) and just smash it repeatedly, until I realize it is a fuzz from a blanket or a thread from a shirt. :D

I only eat a small variety of foods as well. I hate fatty or rich things. I pretty much only consume soup, raw fruit and vegetables, sparkling water, and chocolate.

I'm afraid of physical pain sometimes. Yet other times I'll hit a wall or dig my nails into my skin just to see if I can feel it. But I'm afraid of needles because I swear I can hear them when they puncture, press, empty, and rip out. Oh good heavens, I'm hiding under a blanket now. >_< I'm mostly afraid of others hurting me, but I don't mind hurting myself, if that makes sense. And I kind of only feel pain dully.

I am so afraid of sex. I'm homosexual, but I still can't really see myself wanting to have sex. I'd rather just have an intellectual relationship. Intimacy without sexual intimacy. Though I don't think I'd make a very good girlfriend. I should probably just get some cats. :D But then I would forget to feed them...

I can't open soup cans because I cut my finger pretty deeply once and now I'm afraid I'll cut my arm off or something. So now I have to buy soup freshly-made from the grocery store.

I also check my room, too. Lift the curtains, open all doors, make sure to have my wooden post handy... I can't even rationally explain to myself that there is no reason someone would be in my room. It just doesn't register. I KNOW there is someone in my room. I agree, though. I'd rather be alone than have someone with me for 'protection.'

This is fun! Procrastinating and baring my soul, all at once! Whee!

Seriously, though, it's really nice to have my first real discussion on this forum. I think it'll do me some good to find people like me. I know we are all still very different, yet we are similar in many ways as well.

-blackdove

Yes! I get that feeling of people walking behind me, too! Even more unsettling when they're actually there. :D Strange, you'd think I'd be more nervous if there weren't people behind me?

If you don't mind me prying, what obsessions are you referring to? The one(s) that you said you'd defend with violence. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I know firsthand that some obsessions are very personal, or "secret." :3

I know what we're discussing now is really more Cluster A-related than sociopathy-related, so just bear with us, other people. :)

by hypercube

Is this relevant to your goals in life, and if so, in what way?

I don't have any goals in life. I live each day as it comes, and that seems to be working out fine for me so far.

Do you want to change this, or do you just want to ponder it? Not being sarcastic.

I don't have any desire to change, nor is it something I normally ponder over.

I prefer to focus on solutions rather than problems.

That's all good and well, but you can't find a solution until you identify the problem.

Denial is not a solution.

I don't think you're delusional. I don't think you're lying about having been diagnosed with personality disorders. I just don't understand why it matters so much to you that people believe you about it.

I don't have a problem with whether or not people believe me. Without proof, it's easy to not believe anyone online, so I get that. There's a lot people I don't believe either, but you don't see me calling them delusional over it. And as I stated earlier, that's the issue right there, not whether or not people believe me.

If someone just said, "I don't believe you" and left it at that there wouldn't be a problem. Their lack of belief doesn't make me delusional, especially when there is nothing that indicates I am. So, why tell me I am when they know they have nothing to back it up?

Is it all simply for a reaction? If that's the case, then congratulations are in order because they certainly got that. It's pathetic, but hey, whatever floats their boat I guess.

You started this topic to point out that you exhibit the traits of a personality disorder. In my eyes, your OP was trying to demonstrate that you are crazy, in the sense that you're disordered/mentally ill/whatever, and now you try to complain that people view you that way?

No, I didn't start this topic for that reason. If that were the case I would have mentioned the traits I have in my OP, but as it is, I didn't even mention my traits until I was asked to. The whole point of this thread was to determine who here is genuinely disordered and who isn't, because there are people here who claim to be disordered, yet appear mentally healthy.

I don't think having a personality disorder makes someone crazy. I think that's a very stigmatized view and it's false.

I don't find it hard to have a conversation with you because you have a disorder, I find it hard to have a conversation with you because it's hard for my logic to follow your logic.

 Well, that's your problem, not mine. There are plenty of others who don't seem to share that problem with you. Of course, those who don't like me will say they do, but that's to be expected when their perception is being ruled by their emotions.

I think I can relate to being passive. For the most part, I will play along and do what people want. I don't really get angry often, and certainly not in front of others. However, I am almost certain that one day, I will snap. Who knows for what reason. I just know that it is very hard to have a mask of agreeability for every day of my life. Something will push me someday, and it will be ugly. In a way, I'm almost looking forward to it, it should be interesting. :D

There are times when my family is at home, and I just NEED them to leave. I stay home just about every single time they go out, unless they forcibly make me come with them. I definitely relate to getting extremely angry at the people preventing me from being alone. I hated inviting friends to sleep over because while I was excited to see them for about an hour, I gradually began to want to murder every single one of them until they got out of my house and left me alone. Every time I have a sleepover I vehemently vow to never have one again. It's just the feeling that I can never relax when someone else is around. I have to be alone.

Not just sleepovers, though. It's as if most social interactions are interesting for about an hour, and then I just crack and have to be alone.

I always check to make sure I'm alone when my family leaves, too. I check the garage, and the driveway, and their rooms, and then it's like, "Phew, ok. Walls down."  

-blackdove

by Mee

Forgive me father, for I have sinned…

I’m irresponsible where I should be behaving in an opposite manner and pay too much attention to the things that are utterly meaningless in the long run. I have many various distractions to keep me from being bored but they are also keeping me from being as productive as I could be. Despite I’m aware of that I have a hard time solving this problem. Even now I’m wasting my time writing this instead of doing something useful. Although I do try my best I face many various difficulties, e.g.  I’ve set an evening regime to be better rested and whilst it is good in a way, now I complete even less things! On the other hand, I demand a lot from myself (as well as from others), so I’m not really a lost cause just yet.  

I am good at planning a few steps ahead but I have no long term goals set for the future. Therefore, I lack stimulation to focus on the important things. Nevertheless, if I would complete my daily plans, I wouldn’t have to worry about the future. Well, to be honest, as indicated by the first paragraph, I’m careless about it even now.

I glow in extreme situations and thus I’m more likely to engage in them instead of avoiding. Even though, I am fairly rational and I minimize the risk by behaving in the best possible way under the circumstances and according to my abilities, one day I may get myself killed.

I am a sadist and a misanthrope. I enjoy seeing people suffer and I ridicule them in various ways sometimes for fun, sometimes because I despise them wholeheartedly. I also laugh when people get hurt and so on. Nevertheless, I learned to mask these things a little and am rather likeable amongst people. Moreover, I don’t feel the urge to harm people to get off, so I don’t put people in danger of physical harm (unless I’m provoked).

I am apathetic. I don’t cry at funerals and don’t really care about people. There are a few humans I consider to be my friends (a bit more than just useful for me) but they are only important when I’m getting what I want from them and I forget that they even exist until I need them again.

I am very strict, demanding and unremorseful, even a bit OCD. I am unforgiving of failures and don’t praise achievements. If I was a president, I’d be a total dictator. Hitler would be considered an angel while compared to the terror I would do. And yet, as a result the remaining people would be law-abiding and our country would be progressing more efficiently!

I am very greedy. It’s good for me, but presumably bad for others since I don’t mind to benefit from them nor am willing to help if it would require me to change my plans. In fact, I’m annoyed when people get into my way with their needs. What is more, I use people to my advantage and, even though I understand that it is wrong, I don’t feel that in the least.

I am stubborn, which sometimes complicates my social interactions. I look calm, but I can explode anytime and stir some hell.

Even though I prefer solitary activities, I don’t mind being around people. In fact, sometimes I’m even drawn to them. Nevertheless, the more I socialise, the worse I feel afterwards. As a result, I become easily angered and so on.

That’s all that I can think off right now and, even though I clearly see my pros and cons, I don’t feel capable of drastically changing myself for the better. Although, there are various advantages of being me as well, so maybe things are good the way they are.

P.S. You may check INTJ and Choleric descriptions for more negative features, if you’re interested. Also, as I’ve said before, I consider myself to be a primary Psychopath with some traits of SPD and recently discovered minor OCD.

 

You sound almost exactly like me, minus a few differences:

I have a lot of distractions too, but I still get bored a lot because there's not enough stimulation in the activities to excite me.

Unlike you, I'm very aggressive and feel the urge to harm others quite often. It can be frustrating because a lot of the time I feel like a hungry cat trapped in a cage, watching all the mice run around just out of reach.

Also unlike you, I'm ISTP, but I imagine we're similar on the enneagram though - Type 8