this is a very good advice from emily barring the last sentence
ur all playing games of course but u need to know what she sees in the ex
Courting is manipulation, even in the most sincere and genuine cases. I'm not trying to screw with her head, only asking how to deal with the situation. I don't believe seeking a second opinion qualifies as manipulation. Now, if she was with someone, and I was asking how do I break them up.. that would be manipulation. All I want to know is how others think I should go about it.
Relationships between people who are commitment shy like we are usually starts off with beating around the bush and easing in to it rather than outright expression of feelings/opinions. The last thing you want to do is hear what you are feeling out loud until you've had a chance to get a handle on it. Believe it or not, things usually straighten them self out after they get together. Often times, they are the most sharing and open relationships you can have. It's just a matter of properly navigating the minefield before you are there that is tricky.
Good advice, advice I already know too well. I always fit into the lives of the people who catch my attention. Their friends become my friends and so on. It's the same with working your way up the corporate ladder. In order to move up, you have to seem like a natural 'fit' in the role you are pursuing.
She has this one friend in particular, who is heavily infatuated with her. The friend is lesbian, and she is straight, so the feelings are completely brushed off, but the lesbian is very protective and jealous of guys that come around. When our chemistry first became apparent to her, she flipped. She went from halfhearted teasing like she does with everybody, to outright verbal attacks over literally nothing. I loved seeing her squirm to be honest. The thing is, I also knew no one's approval meant more to my success than hers (except the girl's dogs), so I stuck it out. Made it impossible to hate me. Now she tells me things like "I hope you have a good night" when we are parting ways.. but is sure to add "even though I hate you" in a playful manner. Success.
I really don't find the other guy to be relevant, even knowing he is. You are probably right about me needing to size up the competition, maybe I will the next time we talk. Or the time after that. She has her little cousin over for the weekend so I'm not bothering to get a hold of her unless she does first. I don't care for watching what I say around little ones.
Make it about you and not her. There are already red flags there.
If it's painful, that means your ego is being crushed. Let your ego die, it's painful every time we have an opportunity to change. The current ego no longer serves you. When it's over, you'll get a new and improved ego.
- Examine how your relationship with that one went.
- Study the friendzone and how to avoid it. Study it hard.
- Become what you need to be. It's not a bad thing, we change all the time.
When in pain, it's really us who chooses what we become next. You already know you don't want to play that kind of game. You just have to make it a priority. You see what's happened, but by default you wouldn't want to believe it.
When it comes to learning from your mistakes, she's ideal cause she's hardly more than a video game character. Unless you actually hang out, it would be more difficult for you and you know it.
Easier said than done. For every time you feel disturbed by it, remind yourself what you don't want.