I almost thought this place would be the most silly, trivial place to ask the question but, after reading the forum titles so far, I guess this kind of thing is pretty common, so here goes.
I'm in this bind. Let me start from the beginning.
I met this girl (yes, it's one of Those binds) and we hit it off pretty well right off the bat. We were acquaintances who spent a lot of time playing games together and nothing more. Neither of us had any intention of it being more, didn't even fathom the possibility of it being more, because, well, we are two sensible adults and we met on a video game.
The thing is, we ended up slowly coming to the realization that we were crushing on each other. Nothing serious, but we both kind of recoiled from it because of the circumstances we met under, and our natural disposition towards relationships that aren't superficial, safe.
An example of this is when a mutual gamer buddy of ours called us out for "flirting" with each other. We hadn't even acknowledged the feeling to our selves yet, but apparently we are less than subtle about it. Even the very use of the word flirting made us both shut up instantly and an awkward silence followed (for us at least.) We laughed about it later, much later.
This kept up for a few weeks until we actually acknowledged it to our selves that we spent so much time together (hours a day) because we actually wanted to spend time together, and not because we just liked playing games more than we used to all of the sudden - that was always our 'go to' excuse.
It wasn't long after that, we began poking at the feelings, trying to get a handle on them, trying to decipher the other person's feelings, until finally, we ended up coming straight out and confessing it to each other (she led the conversation, I reluctantly agreed.)
This is where it gets important, so I will be specific. We said we liked each other and didn't see each other as friends, or someone to play with, but more than that. We acknowledged our time together was more a "relationship" than gaming sessions and long nights on the phone, and we agreed it was too soon to "label" it a relationship, but made it clear we saw it As a relationship. - Like I said, we're both commitment shy. This was a big step for us.. or so I thought.
The next day, or the day after, she started backing out of it. Saying things like 'if we got together' and purposefully throwing the 'friend' word around. - Side not, she has this compulsion to use the word only when we accidentally get on the topic of our pseudo-relationship. Appropriately, she usually leads these conversations, and leans more towards the 'being a thing' side than the friend side, until suddenly, she starts saying 'friendship' and 'friend' instead of 'relationship' (what we called it long before we knew we liked each other, Freudian slip much?)
She has since kept this emotional wall up - despite our talks growing much more sexual in nature. She went from saying "if I let my self, I would fall for you" to saying "I want to be friends." - The last word any guy who likes a girl would want to hear, even one not fully sure he wants it to go anywhere.
My problem is, basically, that I want the option. I don't know what I would do if I had the option. In fact, she is pretty sure I would get scared off if she actually took the chance and was forward with me. I feel the same, and we keep each other at arms length because of it.
A talk she had with her friend since has confirmed why she's so commitment shy: a guy from her past. He's the only guy she ever said "I love you" to, and they never ended up together. Wrong place, wrong time. The thing is, these lingering feelings are keeping her from letting someone else in; namely, me.
Now she's not sure what to do. She is juggling staying single 'forever', being with him (he has a girlfriend, but I suspect he would leave his girlfriend to be with her), or moving on and being with me. Unfortunately, that is the order of likelihoods. But, the last one is still on the table.
My problem in a nutshell is what do I do/don't do so that she makes the decision I want her to make.
My not-so-quick question is what do you think?