Sociopath Community

I believe "I want the option." explained what I wanted. I want the ball back in my court. It's easier to weigh my options when I know what my options are. And if I'm still not being clear, I want her to come to me, tell me that she wants to be with me - or give me the subtle cues for me to ask her out.

I'm actually surprised my thoughts came out as well as they did. I typed this after a long night awake and really didn't expect an answer at all. It being read before I even logged off was surprising enough to me lol

Thanks. Tough love is the most sincere form of caring, you softy you.

I know I did something wrong, the question is what. I actually showed no interest in going beyond what we were at. No attachment felt or feigned. I was friendzoned once when I was younger, but have never had that problem since then. The example you described above is what happened with the first crush - was too interested, they backed off.

Honestly, I came to a "sociopathic blog", because I figured it would be full of people studying humans, and wanna-be sociopaths who would either ignore me completely, or provide some insight I was overlooking.

how about alternative number 2 then ?

u didnt comment on that at all

Oh, sorry, the salt thing? I already figured that was a possibility. That's why I included it.

She certainly became more distant after realizing she still had feelings for the other guy, but I feel like there was something that happened before her conversation with the pesky friend for her to start getting defensive. But, that could simply mean her getting closer to me reminded her of those feelings for the other guy, and it made her distant. So, in either case, it's a strong possibility.

I would say that, subconscious or not, she wasn't "using me" to make him jealous. She didn't need to make him jealous, and she doesn't talk to him for it to 'come up.' Not saying she's not capable of it, just saying it wouldn't have benefited her for it to come up.

so tell me about this other guy learning

what do u think hes like in ur opinion

I don't know. She doesn't talk about him much, and I don't ask. All I know is she told him that she loved him and he was the only guy (before me) that she wanted to cuddle/be intimate with. When she does mention him, I get the feeling she's trying to say she's starting to feel that way about me, comparing us in odd ways, but for some reason, that makes her ponder being with him more.

From what little she's said, it seems like he told her that he loved her back, or maybe first, and it spooked her, so she pulled away and 'forgot' about him until now. Her talk with a friend who loves getting to the bottom of things told her that the reason she wasn't willing to get with me is because of her unresolved feelings for the other guy. Yes, I came up in a discussion to her friend she goes to for answers. That's something anyway.

Do you really want a re l ationship where you are stuck trying to manipulate how to get the ball back in your court? Maybe I have different ways, where I like to have direct honest communications with my friends and especially a romantic partner. Where i can come out and ask how do we deal wth this: heres what i want, what do you think, etc. Id want to "have the option" of answering directly to one another without issue. Sorry i cant help you with a reationship that requires mindreading or manipulation, people whose relations depend on this end up relying on it for everything that comes up so i question the substance of the relationship to begin with. Is this reallywhat you want to deal with?

seems to be her modus operandi then- to pull away when she starts feeling some thing

in this case its a genuine competition situation between u and the ex

keep us posted on how it goes and who wins

Ps if you have mutual friends and contacts, get to know all of them. If you establish normal relations with all ppl around her then things will be more clear and consistent, and eliminate the fear of not knowing. Why not get to know about the other guy too. Assess everything so you put things in perspective. If you dont want her playing games or hiding whats really going on, then dont play games either.