Blanc needs to be stopped - 9 - Sociopath Community

RE: Blanc needs to be stopped

Blanc · 2020-03-20T12:36:54.9800000

Been watching the show London spy btw, fantastic show like. Incredibly relatable. Very nice indeed. Highly recommend...

She would be the tide that sang so softly

And sewed together the earth

With its thinly combed

Silk and, gold that shone

And reflected on the horizons

She graced the floors with her feet

As If it were not up to her

The steps she took

An innocence in her stubbornness

A sly, kiniving look in her eyes

Behind every smile

She could take a bite out my heart

And it still wouldn’t hurt

Even as i gasp for my last breath

She is there, the needle that jabs me in my side

And punctures me between the third and fourth rib

The metal that makes up my lower lumbar

And titanium steel

Firmly holding a grasp on my teeth

I bow down to her every morning

Like the dew on the leaves that falls

From the trees, to the soil

And we tune into each other

As if one frequency made new

When she reminds me who i am

Inside me

There is no way for me to know

As if i could chase a shadow

Will she ever return

The air was taken out of my lungs and

I will never know how to breathe

Not again until she comes near me

Until she comes,

I will always feel empty

And just as we get used to the way a ticking clock

Shackles us to, inevitable mortality

The way it passes is not threatening

Or suffering

Just as heart break becomes

Normalcy

Life is tragedy, and life is, how to become numb to it

It’s easy for some but,

For me, i can’t figure out why,

It is not.

Imagine if, the good grades you got felt like failure,

If the clothes you spent hundreds on never fit right-

And if, you could never figure out how to drive on the right side of the road.

Imagine everytime you tried to read, the words fell off the pages

And stained your fingers with ink.

Imagine, the frustration you’d feel,

If ever time you loved someone, it hurt more, and more, each day

And everytime they touched you,

You felt like you were drowning

Imagine that sleeping and waking felt the same

Imagine that, during your daily life, you can hear a low buzz through the background

And it gets louder when people try to talk to you

Slowly you stop listening

Imagine always feeling cold, so cold that you shiver

And wanting nothing but warmth, but no blankets, bring comfort, they are only colder

Imagine every time you eat, you feel so unwell, you choose not to anymore.

And, you wait for the bus, or the train, and you get on your bike and

Head where you need to go.

Everyone else is, floating so effortlessly like water colors running into paper,

Filling up the empty space

And for you,

It’s as if, you’re trying to play a song but,

Can never hit the right notes-

You want to sing, but can never sing in tune.

And every step, you are walking on broken glass.

You pull the shards out of your teeth, find them under your tongue,

Under your pillow,

Somehow they’ve, fallen like crumbs in the space between your shirt and your back

And made tiny scratches

All over, you

And you’re so tired, of bleeding, everywhere you go

A mess to clean up,

That others can see- but you can’t, stop.

And that’s what you’ve become. A bloody mess.

That for one is evident.

And then, onto the next. People go.

And you’re still, trying to replay the tape

That’s, got faulty wiring and-

You’ve fiddled with it for ages but

Can never get it to work

The guitar strings break when you play them and snap in your face, they cut your fingers.

Your morning coffee cups fall on the floor at your feet

This is how i feel, everyday

Without you

Do you know my pain,

Do you know my pain?

You have caused?

I want you to take a rubber band and tighten it around your fist, and pull it back and let it snap against your skin

I want you to poke yourself with pins

I want you to rip the tape off of your eyebrows, and the hair on the back of your neck

I want it to hurt

So bad,

And do it, so many times

That you become numb at the surface

Now, imagine, how it must feel to have so much pain on the outer shell

The only way not to feel it, is to lock yourself inside

Dislocate from it entirely, cut off all sensation and feeling

Do you know what that’s like?

Do you know that this is what you did to me?

Do you know how bad i want to scream in your face and shake you

Do you know how reckless you were with my heart?

Do you know what it feels like to break it?

Did you enjoy that??

I hope at least one of us did.

Now i can’t stop, full throttle Down the road with the breaks cut

People think I’m insane but

I just keep going on this downward spiral and,

My pants stopped fitting three years ago, because of how the weight fell off

And how much money i wasted on my addiction as it consumed me

Anything to help me not notice the looming shadow

And, she told me, she could never hurt me

You’re right, you didn’t hurt me.

You cut me right down the middle, you killed me in my sleep

You’re the reason i am a walking zombie, insomniac high on Prozac

And every prescription pill in the nation

You’re the reason i stopped drawing trees and buildings, and now i look for spare change

In every pocket and, underneath the car seats

To spend on my stupid junkie day dreams and pipe dreams and high and mighty flying kites getting coked up and stupid from whiskey,....

you’re the reason i shove blades into my wrist and down the alcohol faster than i can count

How many Xanax’ s it takes me to fall asleep

In less than three seconds i push heroin into my veins,

I dig the needle in deep

Because i don’t, have it in me.

To care,

And the meaning, in everything

Became a dream

The floated away

The day i lost you.... like sand between my fingers

And now, I’m always asleep

Seeing your around the corners, and

In every strange lover and,

Bar cats and,

Prostitutes.

I get into fights and when i wring my fist out on their face

And choke her and tell her to scream

Those are the tiny little bubbles coming up to the surfaces

Of a drowning heart

That so badly wants to breathe

I hope, that the tears, i cry

Never dry

I hope that they flood your backyard

And every raindrop that hits your window

And fills up your abandoned dog bowls and

Soaks, your coat

In the cold

I want you to think of me

In the way that the sheets of rain

Grace the wind in the night

I want you to know

You are hundreds of times

M ore beautiful, to me

No street lamp can do it justice,

The feeling of basking, in the droplets

Or the sunlight UV rays

Burning us, pouring sweat,... squinting eyes, midnight,

sweaty palms

I want you to know that,

As i take your socks off while you sleep

When you smile at me,

The comfort in bed sheets and old pillows

That smell like,you

I want you to know that,

All the things I do....

Everything i do,

Is about, you.

And me without you is, simply incomplete.

What is a half... that never found it’s whole.

Nothing without you.

Not worth a thing with out you.

I write my name in cigarette smoke

Carcinogens,

Wafting

Chain smoker

You have me chained

My cigarette cartons have me named

Branded

Packaged

Priced

May we rest in plastic