Sociopath Community

yeah i need to do that, more. she told me to take my fucking meds, stay clean, go to meetings every night and report back to her on tuesday abou tit and take *all my meds* not just jthe psychiatric but the ones my func med doctor gave to me as well. she thinks it has something to do with the depression and lethargy. and i also need to... uh, stay clean by, coping right now so

that's why i'm writing so much and, writing poetry to deal with the pain, and playng music etc. 

it's all just self management at this point, of the anxiety or depression and pain. just finding other means to deal with it all rather than using. 

it's relaly hard to just sit there and feel it without wanting to just slice your wrists, take a bottle of pills or just neck yourself so 

instead i've been, trying to cope in other wayssss yeeeeeet *dabs* hopefully it'll be ok but 

for a second there i was feeling *relaly bad again* and i was like uhhhhh shit i dont know what to do.... i might be approaching another crisis point is what it was feeling like because uh.... it's getting really overwhelming all the tings i'm confronting at once and its pushing me a little too hard so 

i'm gonna tell my therapist maybe we were moving a little too fucking fast and should put the fucking breaks on for a second because.. im questioning you know, if she knwos what shes dealing with and how fragile or easily things can "wind me up" into a state of like really unhealthy, reactions weather it be using or suicide so... like it's just a lot right now everything i'm confronting so...yeahhhh 

my energy is better today, yesterday i was tired from the dread combing all day long but. yeah i got most of it out and today or tomorrow i'm going to have to go get like, blown out because it's, still a little tangled and i just can't deal with it anymore my neck/arms are sore so im gonna pay someone to finish it but yeah 

i'm finally going back to my apartment tomorrow, so i need to get my shit all together to go back over there and i'm gonna help the people that were staying in my apartment to move into their new house they just bought :) 

so that's good at least i can be back alone and have the space to breath and just be myself and live my life. i've been needing to go home. that takes the pressure off a bit about everything going on with my family and i, and i can forget about it by going there and then, when im ready to confront it, do that with them but you know whati mean the seperation is really good so i'm not debilitatingly mentally breaking down and shit 

and uh :) yeah my therapist told me to leave all that shit we talk about in there "in there" in her file cabinent as a way to comparmentalize so that's also another reason why it's stressful that my therapist wants me to do that but thne i come home and my parents won't let me do that because they want me to talk about everything all the time and they bring up everything and they themselves and that environment is all together just one huge fucking culmination of trigger ontop of trigger ontop of stressful striggers and balhahahhahha 

so yeah this will help me a lot to have space 

also i need to take my dog for a check up so he can get more heart worm prevantive pill thingies. 

Blanc said:

then my dad decided to tell me that he was pulling the plug on me, because he doesn't see any improvement externally and i'm not discussing what i discuss in therapy- he can't tell it's improving anything so he wants to like stop paying for it. and he also said that he wants to stop helping me financially with my apartment once the lease is up so that leaves me unable to stay there.



and i just sort of flipped out, he started ranting about the bible and stuff as usual and... i'm just sitting tehre feeling really misunderstood. i don't know how to tell him the therapy is working i just need time, and the reason i don't discuss everything i discuss in therapy yet is because i'm not ready i'm not done processing it. i tried exlaining this to my mom the other week when she got mad at me for not talking about it and telling her every detail as well. and she also threatened me with pulling th eplug on my apartment and the therapist if i didn't talk about it as well. it was stressful the way she did it and i just started crying and i told her, "i give up. i'm so tired, i just can't do this anymore." aka arguing and fighting for a way for them to support me and like me again enough to take care of things the way that would be helpful to me.

 Jesus Christ honestly if your parent weren't supportive they wouldn't have been paying for therapy for as long you've been in it, I really do think they should cut off financial help, I feel like that would help you a lot

Blanc's been waterpedaling in safe water for so long, maybe she needs to hit rock bottom in order to jumpstart into improving herself. 

Xadem said: 

Blanc's been waterpedaling in safe water for so long, maybe she needs to hit rock bottom in order to jumpstart into improving herself. 

 She claims she's been homeless, I don't think rock bottom is where she would start improving, if anything she'd hit that victim status harder. I wonder how her sister feels about all this 

Xadem said: 

Blanc's been waterpedaling in safe water for so long, maybe she needs to hit rock bottom in order to jumpstart into improving herself. 

How would this not just be drugs? 

Turncoat said: 

Xadem said: 

Blanc's been waterpedaling in safe water for so long, maybe she needs to hit rock bottom in order to jumpstart into improving herself. 

How would this not just be drugs? 

 Even with support it's been drugs.

I was 100% projecting sorry lol

Whorechata said: 

Turncoat said: 

Xadem said: 

Blanc's been waterpedaling in safe water for so long, maybe she needs to hit rock bottom in order to jumpstart into improving herself. 

How would this not just be drugs? 

 Even with support it's been drugs.

Just saying, she won't get better that way in particular. 

There must be an Option C. 

Turncoat said: 

Whorechata said: 

Turncoat said: 

Xadem said: 

Blanc's been waterpedaling in safe water for so long, maybe she needs to hit rock bottom in order to jumpstart into improving herself. 

How would this not just be drugs? 

 Even with support it's been drugs.

Just saying, she won't get better that way in particular. 

There must be an Option C. 

 Sure, but her parents pay for everything, even now she's been living with them and getting money by renting out her apt as an Airbnb while her dad is still paying for it as well as her apartment. 

She wastes money on things that aren't essential and complains about her parents not wanting to support her in the ways she wants. 

Option C would be what?

Whorechata said: 

Turncoat said: 

Whorechata said: 

Turncoat said: 

Xadem said: 

Blanc's been waterpedaling in safe water for so long, maybe she needs to hit rock bottom in order to jumpstart into improving herself. 

How would this not just be drugs? 

 Even with support it's been drugs.

Just saying, she won't get better that way in particular. 

There must be an Option C. 

Sure, but her parents pay for everything, even now she's been living with them and getting money by renting out her apt as an Airbnb while her dad is still paying for it as well as her apartment. 

She wastes money on things that aren't essential and complains about her parents not wanting to support her in the ways she wants. 

Option C would be what?

Moving her to a worse property and granting less money maybe? She doesn't seem to grasp appreciation as readily, always moving on to the next thing, but this might show a sense of relative comparison. 

I dunno, I just see what isn't working.