Sociopath Community

Even though my parents mistreated me… I see that they always thought I was a ”problem child” for not understanding. The reason of ”because I said so” made no logical sense. Then, they made up conspiracies of things I never did. Having autism would exasperate any issues by not allowing me to understand their position (on top of them being crazy). It prevented me from properly maneuvering or avoiding further problems.

Feathers said: 

Tryptamine said: 

How did you come to find out or decide you were autistic?

The official moment was when I got diagnosed. Before that, I just knew I was a little different. It was my parents who took me to the get tested for “anything”. In their testimonies, which the psychologist had to disclose, they feared I was a sociopath. Their reasoning was, well I didn’t apologize and I frequent this website.

The psychologist asked me about the reason I don’t apologize. I said ”if I apologize when I don’t understand why they’re upset, it’s a fake apology, that sounds more insulting”. I couldn’t understand why something that wouldn’t upset me could upset them. The doctor realized, I don’t lack emotional empathy- I lack cognitive empathy. 

Once, as a child I made my mother cry because I hid in the store to play “hide and seek”. She shut down the whole store. I only came out when I heard her cry. I said ”Don’t cry mommy, it’s okay to lose hide and seek”. I thought perhaps, she was sad that she lost the game (what I would be sad about). So, I was comforting her for loosing the game. I didn’t understand her perspective of ”my child is missing and I’m scared som bad might happen”. 

The reason it was not always apparent is because of “masking”.

Eye contact : 

As a child I avoided eye contact and only started making eye contact when criticized. At first people said, ”oh no, that’s too intense, look at their eyes but don’t share into their soul, look away”. Then I would dart my eyes, back and forth, people said ”oh no, that seems sporadic, just be more subtle”. That’s when I realized it’s better to look around different areas of their face, nose, eyebrows, etc.

Chameleon :

I start taking on characteristics of those around me. I don’t really know if it’s the right thing to do socially… I just think I have a better chance if I mimic someone. 

 this made me laugh a lot. in a nice way though

So even after being out in the world on your own some time now, do you still feel as if your cognitive empathy isn't normal?

Maybe, I'm crazy but it definitely shows in how you speak here. It's very much similar to others I know who have autism. 

Hmm.....

Now I wonder if one of my friends who reminds me of you is autistic.

Are all forms of autism real though? As in, not socially constructed. I'd imagine if you were brought up a certain way you could end up lacking social skills in a way that could be mistaken for autism.

But then again, I'm not sure about any of this mental illness stuff, if any of it is real. It's just not rigorous enough. Too much pseudo-science and hocus pocus. I know Turncoat disagrees, but I just don't see the value nor the rigor. I think if I studied psychology a little bit I could probably push the field forward by at least a few decades, if not millenia. I think the field of psychology needs mathematicians and physicists, and especially autists. People who can look at things objectively.

Feathers said:  

Once, as a child I made my mother cry because I hid in the store to play “hide and seek”. She shut down the whole store. I only came out when I heard her cry. I said ”Don’t cry mommy, it’s okay to lose hide and seek”. I thought perhaps, she was sad that she lost the game (what I would be sad about). So, I was comforting her for loosing the game. I didn’t understand her perspective of ”my child is missing and I’m scared som bad might happen”. 

 

 lol. My parents would've broke my ass, and I'd be fixed long ago.

@ Tryptamine 

It’s not ”automatic” or instinctual. I have to manually learn by asking many questions and observing reactions. 

I must ask “why would they say that?” more than focusing on the words. I then, ask friends for their perspective. 

Sometimes I ask my friends, “does them doing X, mean they are bad intentioned?”. They say, ”one action alone in isolation rarely tells you enough, rather it’s the combination of behaviours towards you. How have they acted before ?”.

So now I’m trying to learn how to make judgments on people’s intentions. I mentally take notes ”manually”. 

My friends are even surprised, and sometimes they never thought about the reason behind their words and actions. They just “felt” in their gut and did not give their behaviour much thought. 

Sometimes I am fairly good at understanding after a while… for example, I told my friend “do not buy this coworker a gift”. She says “why not ?”. I said “every time I give her something, even small, she will get me a bigger gift, I think she feels indebted”. I was proven right when she said “I hate gifts, I feel the need to buy them something and I’m broke”. I was able to figure out that she did not easily accept gifts by making mental notes to her reactions. 

Delora said: 

Do you want me to pm you my discord?

 no

Questions for Allistics (Non-Autistics). 

I will add questions as they come to me ~

1. Why to people not like ”too many” questions about their OWN interests ? 

I felt, it’s good to ask people questions about their interests to show care in their views and interests. I thought it was a way to bond !

Many times people will say, ”no more questions, now I lost interest in my own interest”.

I’m like ??? How does one lose interest in their own interest by talking about it. I could talk about my interests for days ! I would never get tired. 

Some people I asked say maybe they think it’s like an interrogation, quiz, or test. They are afraid to give wrong information about their interest. 

2. Why is ok for ‘you’ (representation of non autistics) to vent about a hard experience, but not me ? 

See many times a hard situation will happen at work. My friends will vent for a good while. Then, I want to vent too after and they say ”this is too stressful, I’m done talking about it”. But I just listened to them, so I thought it was my turn!?

Why is it suddenly “too stressful” when it’s my turn to vent? Like I literally just listened to them vent on and on and I had the same experience (we experienced it together). This is a double standard that I notice A LOT. Like it’s a trend…

Feathers said: 

Questions for Allistics (Non-Autistics). 

I will add questions as they come to me ~

1. Why to people not like ”too many” questions about their OWN interests ? 

I felt, it’s good to ask people questions about their interests to show care in their views and interests. I thought it was a way to bond !

Many times people will say, ”no more questions, now I lost interest in my own interest”.

I’m like ??? How does one lose interest in their own interest by talking about it. I could talk about my interests for days ! I would never get tired. 

Some people I asked say maybe they think it’s like an interrogation, quiz, or test. They are afraid to give wrong information about their interest. 

If someone answers multiple questions and you don't seem to care or have any real feedback, then you'll come across as socially awkward. You'll seem to be asking questions about the same thing over and over. Meanwhile something really is wrong because you're only doing for some other reason, by your example, you do it to show care. 

2. Why is ok for ‘you’ (representation of non autistics) to vent about a hard experience, but not me ? 

See many times a hard situation will happen at work. My friends will vent for a good while. Then, I want to vent too after and they say ”this is too stressful, I’m done talking about it”. But I just listened to them, so I thought it was my turn!?

Why is it suddenly “too stressful” when it’s my turn to vent? Like I literally just listened to them vent on and on and I had the same experience (we experienced it together). This is a double standard that I notice A LOT. Like it’s a trend…

When someone is venting, it's their turn. They aren't really interested in other people's rants, unless another person's rant is perceived as equal or better than their rant. If not they aren't interested in carrying another's perspective.

In the heat of the moment, when others vent, it's not time to take turns, that person isn't interested in cooling you off while they themselves are having difficulty cooling off themselves. 

There's more to this in other situations, but I don't know where to begin.

You're lacking in empathy and really are socially awkward aren't you ? 

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BT, come and tell me about this person.