Sociopath Community

Turncoat said: 

Xena said: 

Turncoat said: 

Xena said: 

No I wouldn't believe him.

But I wouldn't give enough fucks about his opinion after that to talk to him anymore.

So you in the OP's shoes would break up with the girlfriend over her secrecy? 

No, bc the matter is clear.

Gf thinks she can handle it and does not want trauma counselling.

If I were her bf I would respect her privacy and let her work her shit out for herself.

Somebody telling me I don't need to know smthg bc I'm stupid and weak is an entirely different matter.

I can't be with somebody who thinks that of me bc our entire world would be predicated on him infantilizing me until I lose my temper and stab him to prove I'm anything but helpless/useless/dumb or w/e.

How would you respond as yourself in your equivalent of the OP's scenario then? 

Couldn't it be argued that this is what she's doing to him in this scenario? 

 No. She did not say stupid and weak.

She said "don't tell."

Again, I would leave it alone and give her the chance to come to me.

I would question the friend's motives, tho.

It seems like a bit of a backstabby, concern troll kinda thing to do.

As an aside, I find it interesting how much you struggle to put yourself in the OPs shoes. 

Xena said: 

Turncoat said: 

Xena said: 

Turncoat said: 

Xena said: 

No I wouldn't believe him.

But I wouldn't give enough fucks about his opinion after that to talk to him anymore.

So you in the OP's shoes would break up with the girlfriend over her secrecy? 

No, bc the matter is clear.

Gf thinks she can handle it and does not want trauma counselling.

If I were her bf I would respect her privacy and let her work her shit out for herself.

Somebody telling me I don't need to know smthg bc I'm stupid and weak is an entirely different matter.

I can't be with somebody who thinks that of me bc our entire world would be predicated on him infantilizing me until I lose my temper and stab him to prove I'm anything but helpless/useless/dumb or w/e.

How would you respond as yourself in your equivalent of the OP's scenario then? 

Couldn't it be argued that this is what she's doing to him in this scenario? 

 No. She did not say stupid and weak.

She said "don't tell."

It's kind of the same thing, once he learns the secret. 

Again, I would leave it alone and give her the chance to come to me.

Personally I'd feel insulted that she went as far as to drag others into her secrecy. 

I would question the friend's motives, tho.

It seems like a bit of a backstabby, concern troll kinda thing to do.

The friend did the right thing if you ask me, now he knows that much more about her true nature. 

Nah. The friend just happened to be there.

Girlfriend had to ask for her silence bc she's a mutual friend of both members of the couple.

And yeah, I struggle to put myself in his shoes bc past discussions with him have led me to see him as rather overbearing and self important. The last thing I would want is to try to trauma bond with him.

The more I think about nurse friend, the more it bothers me, tbh.

I don't think she did the right thing at all.

Xena said: 

Nah. The friend just happened to be there.

Girlfriend had to ask for her silence bc she's a mutual friend of both members of the couple.

It's still having the friend become complicit towards Collusion if said friend kept the secret, and once it was in the friend's hands it became that friend's choice over what to do with it. 

I tout the idea of transparency being the key to a good relationship, if it has good prior synergy. Longevity-wise, once you have a reason to keep secrets from eachother it gets gradually more sterile until the passion dies. 

And yeah, I struggle to put myself in his shoes bc past discussions with him have led me to see him as rather overbearing and self important. The last thing I would want is to try to trauma bond with him.

So it's more about the OP rather than the circumstances? 

Dude's pretty fake acting, I tend to take these posts more as hypotheticals. 

For the most part, yes. I am biased toward this OP.

But I still don't think people should yap and drool all over somebody's corpse witnessing experience.

The person will share if s/he wants to share.

Xena said: 

For the most part, yes. I am biased toward this OP.

No argument here. 

But I still don't think people should yap and drool all over somebody's corpse witnessing experience.

I meanwhile see communication as the way to make a problem have less of a potential of hardening into something bigger, while keeping secrets invites reason for more secrecy overall, potentially leading to a web of lies far heavier than the original burden. 

The person will share if s/he wants to share.

You mean like how the mutual friend did? 🤣

So if you knew somebody, say a combat medic or a cult survivor, smthg where maddening trauma and rape and maiming was an every day part of that person's life for a few years, and you only just now heard about the past life they came from,

Would you try to pry into that person's past, using the excuse that you're trying to help?

Would you get offended and believe they're calling you stupid and weak if the person said "I don't wanna talk about it"?

Xena said: 

So if you knew somebody, say a combat medic or a cult survivor, smthg where maddening trauma and rape and maiming was an every day part of that person's life for a few years, and you only just now heard about the past life they came from,

Would you try to pry into that person's past, using the excuse that you're trying to help?

Not as forwardly as I do to people on here, but I would attempt to start the conversation and gauge for micro-expressions for clues. 

I'd mention the friend telling me and ask why as the ice breaker. At that point my whole trust through transparency spiel would be a known thing and my motivations wouldn't seem out of nowhere. People in general feel oddly comfortable (over)sharing their stuff with me IRL, so if they suddenly lose that then I presume something happened. 

Would you get offended and believe they're calling you stupid and weak if the person said "I don't wanna talk about it"?

That depends on if I do or don't know the secret, and if they display as believing I couldn't handle it versus they themselves having not fleshed it out.