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9/26/2022 7:56:46 AM
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From my experiences anyway the needs don't need to be complicated, if they like your company it's as simple as that.
The part that depresses me is how they might like your company when they're down but once they're not down anymore there's nothing to like. Hence the whole cane and blind man analogy.
You don't see that as potentially limiting to focus only on the things you're already good at?
It can be. But some people like that. I used to have a friend who has perfectly comfortable never doing anything. He was neither curious nor wanting. He just wanted to go about his life doing.... Nothing. It's like how some people are fine with having no goals in their lives. It's not to everyone's taste.
It doesn't need to be, though. You can trust people like you trust a ladder to hold you up.
That's more like relying on them than trusting them, isn't it? Relying can stem into user behavior, while trust has to be earned through appealing to their faith.
I don't perceive a difference. If faith here means trust in someone repeating what they've done a million times already, then I think confidence is a better word than faith. I don't think the process requires any emotion or connection.
How about wanting to but being unable to? It's horrible. But I think there are two sides to every coin.
Why would they want to if unable to, from being lonely?
Yeah. If you wanted to not be lonely. It's like Pinocchio wanting to become a real boy. He's not a real boy. He just really, really wants to be.
So pretty much gamer addiction, or 'The Chase' when it comes to abandoning what one's already earned?
I think that's pretty accurate. Apparently it's the anticipation of reward that gets us hooked, rather than the reward itself. We don't actually enjoy the reward that much, and we hate the process of getting there. It's annoying. But something drives us, like an itch that you can't scratch.
Have you ever felt like you wanted something really, really bad, but you just couldn't reach it? No matter how much you chased it, the moment you closed in on it and had that thing wrapped around in your hands, it disappeared. Most people at the end of their journey to becoming successful are lonely and miserable. Apparently no matter how much material goods we have, we're still slaves to our brain's reward system. I think Buddhism is about removing that want.
Each time that ever happened I just made new ones or appealed to older ones I hadn't spoken with in a while, it's not hard to find people with the same interests and appeal to their needs.
Hardest part's self-motivation, the rest kinda does itself.
Is it really that easy for you?
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9/26/2022 4:48:40 PM
I don't think it's limited to biochemistry alone. our brain consists of neurons, but neurons are connected in chains and as a result we get a more complex structure. I mean our consciousness and psyche. I do not think that in attachment to someone everything is limited to the effect of oxytocin. what about empathy and empathic concern for someone? we can show care for someone, even when we have a little depression and do not receive oxytocin. sorry if I'm asking a stupid question. I read little about neurotransmitters and the psyche. :)
I think you're right. Whatever connections and complex structures the network of neurons in our brains form, I have no clue. For a hamster, it seems like oxytocin sort of cuts it. But you're right, we are probably more complicated than hamsters are. Nevertheless, I think it's still likely that it's our brain wiring that allows us to connect or not connect, even if it's difficult to understand the complexity of it all. I would love to read more about neurotransmitters. It's a fascination I have, but somehow I never go into it too seriously. Now that you mention it, though, I should start reading more.
But don't you think you can share empathic concern for someone and yet feel no connection?
sorry. but it made me laugh. Yes. The ending of the story with the elephants made me laugh. it would be better if you just touched her, for example, put your hand on her arm or even hugged her. and then you had to say the following words of consolation: "everything in this fucking world is a casino and relationships as well. so, cheer up my friend, maybe it's just time to bet again." at the same time, you should smile broadly so that your words inspire more confidence. :D
That's alright. I'll try what you said next time. I'm a bit afraid it might be out of my character to say it, though, but whatever. I'll smile very broadly and say it the next time I see her.
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9/26/2022 4:57:11 PM
It's love, nothing more.
Disagree, a connection does not require love.