Sociopath Community

Turncoat said: 

Tryptamine said: 

TC may make some remarks about depression

Do I? 

I think I've seen you give some anecdotes here and there.

Blanc said: 

I love you all, this thread is hilarious 

I really do appreciate the honesty. I was thinking about it yesterday reflecting on how I do probably come off to people a tiny bit of, whats that thing. “Affluenza-y.” 

I have been extremely fortunate, you are right. I have immense gratitude. To those,  much is given, much is expected. 

so then why lie and slander about your dad beating u and ur teacher making u wear a rucksack after ur dad fucked up ur back lmao

But that’s likely why I came off as like, “omg u think ur the only one who been through struggles TM” etc, you were picking up on that like, “loneliness” or “isolated” undertone coming from what I was talking about or the way I was talking about things. And that, tone, came from the mental illness itself like, that is itself an aspect of the illness. When you are unwell you sort of like, perceive a long things completely inaccurately or have a lot of strange ways of perceiving the world, yourself, and others, and pretty much everything.

no one thinks that you think ur the only one who has had struggles. we think you have had no struggles, and ur fake stories of abuse are a result of your need for attention a la histrionic personality disorder. you're not unwell as a result of abuse and trauma, you're 'unwell' as a result of your compulsive need for attention and the lies u tell the get that attention

Eventually, I did find an ability to connect within myself, I became more whole and grounded. My perceptions of the world and myself, became healthier, and less abnormal but more pro-social rather- where as the attachment style previously was extremely anxious. And I find myself being able to connect with people more normally, and the world- rather than isolating due to perceived, misperceptions I had about myself and others. 

no you didn't. you're exactly the same and you write the same self absorbed self indulgent mind numbingly boring novels where you say nothing and only parrot a false image of yourself.

Blanc said: 

To be continued off of last post- 

 

cluster fuck and never ending train wreck of problems that just compound on each other and all exasperate and worsen each other like, its all a complex dynamic, impacting all of itself at once, and the more you try to untangle it and undo it, the more it tangles! Negative feedback loops worsening themselves at compounding rates and increasing frequency. Worsening symptoms. Which worsens behaviors. Which worsens perceptions. Which worsen sytmpoms which worsening behaviors which worsens perceptions. 

 

Dialectal behavior therapy aims to interrupt these processes and re-write your brain essentially to escape these loops that you get trapped inside of, and as time changes due to neuroplasticity you essentially become mentally healthier over time- or what new age, millennials/gen-z call, “growth”, or in therapy terms, ‘healing’

 

it is transformation and transcendence, while still remaining you, and the same you that you exactly were and are and always have been, and true spiritual growth like, it results in a grounded-ness and a different type of confidence which I’ve literally never experienced before in my life. 

 

Nothing has changed I am still the same person but, I am more whole now, and everything has changed. 

 It seems to me that your only problem is that you don't get as much attention as people with real problems so you make them up for attention

You know that’s a good point like it’s fair to argue that until you realize if I wanted attention there are better places and people to get it from where it would be easier- majority of the feedback I receive here is negative, and I’m reminded of like, the fact that people don’t care about me feather than feeling particularly any sort of warm embrace or good like positive result from it 

im always surprised when anyone bothers to read anything I write here, my assumption before posting is always that no one will read it and it will become essentially trash in an internet void 

there is solace in that for me in a weird way that allows me to be comfortable enough to open up 

But, to say I was seeking attention like, it just doesn’t make a lot of sense the *why* I would be doing what I did for such a long long period of time spanning years and ar such a weirdly complex manner (by what I did I mean, monologuing here and journaling). It was clearly a form of catharsis for me more than anything… if I wanted to attention there are easier ways to get that, is kind of what I’m saying and like the MO doesn’t quite line up 

i just think my perrogatices are diffficukt to understand because even I don’t fully underhand them and theyre a little bit complex meaning like there is multiple reasons why I write things here and have continued to do so… 

And like, of course the like, reason behind what I do isn’t always going to be so apparent all the time and it didn’t make a lot of sense because I was kind of like, a lot of what was going on wifh me wasn’t doing well, a lot of things I did probably didn’t make sense to most people so plainly or it wasn’t always so transparent 

naturally you will cast your own percosifon on it though, that’s just how it goes 

In other words, "Ignore me plz"? 

It’s hard to ignore all those spelling errors.

Buttered Toast said: 

It’s hard to ignore all those spelling errors.

And the chat. 

I’ve been open here for years now about the fact I made up characters to cope with my trauma and blanc is one of them 

and like, from that point on after talking about that I made it a goal with myself to be plainly myself and to be present rather than writing through a character and just continued talking about my life and things like that 

I made a whole thread about it if not multiple threads lol that like I had put that away and like had sort of turned a new chapter where I wanted to just be genuinely myself (finding that person wss a goal) and I knew it started with being truthful and genuine with myself first and foremost in all areas of life, especially the place where I poured my heart out like it was some kind of therapy 

If I wanted to get anywhere with that and start reallt connecting the dots I jew it had to be clear and not so muddied by continuing t write under the guise of my fictional characters 

it needed to be, more plain and blunt than that. The writing. 

thoight I found it even more uninteresting to be like as a body of writing or an art form on a way/ to write plainly I found it boring at first like 

I found the creative aspect of creative writing more fun of that makes sense. I really loved to maladaptive day dream, I was like that for a while 

but now it’s strange I don’t maladaptive daydream at all, I don’t make up characters anymore, etc. i still think about this writing as am art form, I still think about what the point of it is, and what the message is in all of it. 

I still find meaning in all of it/ but that meaning or that point of interest isn’t maybe quite as entertaining at face value than my other creative writing but it is authentic and thus something positive for me and for others in a lot of ways 

and at the end of the day those things like the reasons why it’s a positive and good thing/ that’s more important to me than most things 

Blanc said: 

I’ve been open here for years now about the fact I made up characters to cope with my trauma and blanc is one of them 

There it is. 

It’s just a creative writing exercise guise, cmon.

Come to think of it, this sounds like someone else’s brand of “explanation” too.