Or you can be more extroverted and just impose your will in such a way that others will either cow to it, agree with it, or leave you be.
It's like a natural filter, you don't need everyone to like you.
Sure makes life easier if they do. Beautiful and rich people are happy for a reason. If everyone dislikes you, you have a problem. Being a people pleaser is good for your mental and physical health. If you have a gaping problem that you're refusing to address because you want to be yourself you're going to pay a price. You laugh at your boss' jokes not because they're funny but so he doesn't fire your ass.
It's the same in relationships. You have to make some sacrifices if you don't want to end up a fat lonely selfish mess.
step 3: understand why it happened from the pov of the other person
This being something that'd soothe assumes the other person's views are realistic or forgivable, as if both members of the party were on equal ground when it comes to blame. If the reason why things fell apart was over the other person's mistakes, this strategy is liable to have you doormat yourself towards future strife if not make constant excuses to survive the slings and arrows towards your ego.
It's a liability I'm aware of. But why should understanding another point of view have to lead to subjugating yourself?
The capacity for understanding another point of view depends on your own point of view that you're carrying into the analysis.
If you're sitting there beating yourself up already, putting the reasons why under a magnifying glass is bound to produce unrealistic results until after you've cooled down.
step 4: make an assessment of the reason of rejection, is it fair or unfair? do you even know why you were rejected?
If they don't know why they were rejected, which is a common cope even with clearly given reasons, are they then entitled to 'figure it out' through their respective rejecter?
The entitlement aspect to incels and people who otherwise won't get the hint can lend to stalking behaviors and interrogative conversation. Figuring out 'why' assumes the individual in question is even capable of detached introspection rather than solipsist analysis.Lol, the incel twist
I can see your point being that finding answers could also prove extremely difficult
Exhibit B: Med not getting the hint.
I've seen others carry the solipsist struggle to get external hints over having built up too strong of an inner narrative as well. The problem there roots from their sense of 'entitlement' to the why, rather than simply learning to accept loss.
It's healthy to learn why, but a lot of people aren't really looking for that answer when they ask.
step 5: if appliccable, change about yourself what you were rejected for
So you'd insist that people change for others rather than stand on their own two feet defiantly in search for someone of ideal synergy? No man, it's better to find the ideal mate who gets you, considering that there's more than enough people out there to pick and choose from, rather than pretend to be another person or go as far as changing yourself to be 'more desired'.
There's already people out there looking for someone like you, me, or even the most depraved
thanks tc
Not even doing some Disney-esque soulmate argument, this is more of a matter of sheer odds.
If you hate the status quo and refuse to play along with it for example, what are the odds of someone of your sexual gender preference who's single not existing with the same feelings on it? Pretty damn low once you go outside of your local circles.
, and with the internet it's become easier than ever to find these synergistic soulmates.
I tried the doormat 'change for them' shit for years, it's how you become forgettable and easier to replace rather than distinctive and strong. It was the minute I stopped being as accommodating for people that things started going my way a bit more socially, where before that it just had everything devolve into their lives while mine simply became their welcome mat.That sounds awful. So what made you stop being so overly accommodating?
I went to college and saw that people more positively responded to me being myself, and for those who were too stuffy to deal with it they were easily replaced by other colleagues. Whereas before I wanted to fit between the lines as to not be noticed as much and otherwise fit other people's expectations, I saw myself meaning less in their lives when compared to their lives clashing with mine.
I also stressed the fuck out from trying to fit the mold others wanted with acting training. I essentially handled socializing as similar to a stage play with dialogue trees I'd worry over the day before, disconnecting from reality further and further as their needs became more like case study sheets or character sheets for a videogame. It becomes very easy to lose yourself when you play a bit part for too long, lost to the point of questioning where the real you even is in all of it (ala Jim Carrey's struggle after Man on the Moon).
It's way too much upkeep to be what everyone wants, it's healthier to just be yourself and see who's around to appreciate that through gatherings of a common interest.
step 6: rejoice, for you turned rejection into an opportunity for self improvement!
More like an opportunity for conformity.
It's good to recognize problem traits, but becoming who another wants is inconsistent, inauthentic, stressful, and the only people you'll find while playing pretend are the pretenders and those looking for who you're pretending to be.
I say be yourself and learn to have that 'you' taken more affably, the Jim lesson. In the end, the only person you really need to please is yourself, ideally with the aim of pleasing others simply being a means of pleasing yourself further. Fuck the world and it's expectations, if you're going to adapt you might as well keep your identity intact.Or, or if you were to introspect and figure out that the reason you push people away is because of a deep rooted inability to show a more vulnerable side of yourself and every future relationship is doomed unless you fix it?
I'd figure that after dating enough people that it'd become slowly easier to shift towards your own, real priorities, rather than the priorities you'd dreamed up in your head, effectively milling away the resistances through enough repetition. Either that or if they stuck to the dating pool that they'd be liable to find someone who doesn't want their partner to show vulnerability.
If you ask me, showing vulnerability is itself a sign of strength, a flex on those who are too afraid to do it themselves. Then again I also ascribe to the idea that 'Every strength is a weakness and every weakness a strength', that it's moreover how you utilize it rather than the traits themselves.
A surprising number of people through not knowing themselves like what they claim to be disgusted by, and desires to change others tends to garner safety rather than interest.Never witnessed anything like this. More of an exception to the rule.
How deeply do you really get to know other people?
People more often than not contain contradictions.
Wow you're so insensitive.
I have many good friends, thank you very much. They're not insecure and complicated, and generally mean what they say. The ones that don't I care very little about.
You look for evidence of contradictions and you'll find them. You're selectively choosing what you want to see.
Wow you're so insensitive.
I have many good friends, thank you very much. They're not insecure and complicated, and generally mean what they say. The ones that don't I care very little about.
You look for evidence of contradictions and you'll find them. You're selectively choosing what you want to see.
How deeply do you really get to know other people?
People more often than not contain contradictions.
Or you can be more extroverted and just impose your will in such a way that others will either cow to it, agree with it, or leave you be.
It's like a natural filter, you don't need everyone to like you.Sure makes life easier if they do.
I'd say just as quickly that having haters serves as free advertising. Anyone with power will have haters, and anyone beloved by all most likely lacks power.
It's better to be distinct and known than simply liked by all. The one everyone likes is rarely ever as renown as one who simply pushes themselves at the forefront, as usually the one 'everyone likes' is a good listener rather than a pioneer.
Being 'nice' is safe, being 'yourself' is bold and daring.
Beautiful and rich people are happy for a reason.
Affluenza begs to differ.
If everyone dislikes you, you have a problem.
If everyone you know dislikes you, then you haven't met enough people.
Most people who complain about being 'disliked' are too pussy to keep trying.
Being a people pleaser is good for your mental and physical health.
It's a blatant gateway towards neurosis, how is that healthy?
If you have a gaping problem that you're refusing to address because you want to be yourself you're going to pay a price. You laugh at your boss' jokes not because they're funny but so he doesn't fire your ass.
Obviously if you're not charismatic or otherwise irreplaceable you'll have to care about power figures like bosses if you don't want to lose your job, but on the other hand I've seen people just leave a job and pick up another one the same day.
It's the same in relationships. You have to make some sacrifices if you don't want to end up a fat lonely selfish mess.
I disagree, as the workplace usually only has one boss, while the dating pool's the majority of people.
Almost all of that is nonsense. You don't need to be hated to be powerful. People beloved by all do not lack power. Power isn't relevant to how you act in a relationship. Being yourself isn't bold and daring when it's at other people's expense. Rich and beautiful people are happier than ugly and poor people.
If everyone you know dislikes you, then you haven't met enough people.
I wish you luck in your quest never to fix your faults, even if all evidence demonstrate they're a real problem, and finding people who put up with them. Seems easier to fix those faults. You do you though.
Saying you're a pussy for starting to shower because people tell you you're a smelly piece of shit is kinda weak. I like people who change for me, and I would never put up with people who just want to be themselves and can't make the slightest effort to fix their flaws.
Almost all of that is nonsense.
You (and accounts like you) seem prone to pointing that out as a declarative rather than sticking to your guns through the facts themselves. Such rebuking only serves to show 'you', not to dismiss the ideas.
You don't need to be hated to be powerful.
I didn't say that, I said that being powerful will inevitably lead to haters.
People beloved by all do not lack power.
I figured 'all' meant all in their lives, rather than everyone ever.
If you mean everyone then that is truly doomed to fail.
Power isn't relevant to how you act in a relationship.
Care to elaborate, or are you just making declarative statements?
Being yourself isn't bold and daring when it's at other people's expense.
Tell that to Trump bruh.
Rich and beautiful people are happier than ugly and poor people.
For the rich their quality of life is better, which is where there's the most room to correlate these two areas. For the beautiful there's a fallacy people fall into where they presume attractive people must be more talented, but this with the desire aspects just lends to life being easier, not 'happier'.
Joy is itself independent of wealth and the aesthetic, but rather about seeking higher forms of pleasure after being deprived of it for long enough. Toil serves as the counterbalance to pleasure, and without it the pleasures grow just as numb as their lack of strife. This is why those without life challenges among the rich and beautiful are often faced with boredom, much like the episode of Twilight Zone 'A Nice Place to Visit'.
If everyone you know dislikes you, then you haven't met enough people.I wish you luck in your quest never to fix your faults
It's moreover how to fix it and what needs fixing. Having it cut inward excessively leads to people who accomplish nothing beyond being everyone else's convenience, while it is those who challenge others to think more who embed into their minds.
Seems easier to fix those faults.
Why do so many struggle to overtly change who they are then?
Why not practice self-acceptance and seek those of a like mind, rather than self-flaggilate in the desperate hope of winning another's approval over having no confidence of your own to speak of without them?
Saying you're a pussy for starting to shower because people tell you you're a smelly piece of shit is kinda weak.
There's likely someone out there who'd respect a 'real manly smell', a 'manly musk'.
I like people who change for me, and I would never put up with people who just want to be themselves and can't make the slightest effort to fix their flaws.
You've said this multiple times while purposely not mentioning your own room to change for others.
