Sociopath Community

It's good to recognize problem traits, but becoming who another wants is inconsistent, inauthentic, stressful, and the only people you'll find while playing pretend are the pretenders and those looking for who you're pretending to be.

What if the reason she left you is because you beat your wife, though? If you have a genuine problem you should probably do something about it or you end up miserable.

The world isn't going to change for any one individual. The best you can aim for is that Poissonian statistics provides you with the opportunity for a good match if you meet enough people. But if you're filled with flaws that 'good match' is liable to choose someone different.

You don't need to pretend to change. You need to change authentically.

I can give you my take on it.

Step 1) refuse to accept this is possible and try again

Step 2) break down into 1000 dimensions of cope

Step 3) cut all contact with the person but keep stalking them from time to time

Step 4) condition yourself to not stalk them or think about them using a self made reward/punishment system

Step 5) try to cope with the resulting unhappiness from that until you reach the boiling point of hating the person blaming them for your current unhappiness

Step 6) move on and repeat.

I mean take your doormat behavior as an example. You found being a doormat unsatifying in your relationships and so you changed it. You're not pretending you have self-respect.

I'd argue you shouldnt have changed being a 'doormat'. I think you could be friendly with more people that way, I'd certainly appreciate your company more.

Being unwilling to change and being stubborn is one of the most unpleasant character traits.

Pinocchio said: 

I tried the doormat 'change for them' shit for years, it's how you become forgettable and easier to replace rather than distinctive and strong. It was the minute I stopped being as accommodating for people that things started going my way a bit more socially, where before that it just had everything devolve into their lives while mine simply became their welcome mat.

I rather like people who change for me. I dislike it too much when things don't go my way. Unlike most people, this choice is reflected in my reality. I keep the ones who make the effort to be flexible around, and discard those who are unhelpful.

Oftentimes what someone wants is a reflection of what they appear to despise, while what they claim to want is more of a safety buffer that makes it that much easier to move on from you. It's what led to the classic 'girls like bad boys' model appearing even in those who otherwise on paper desired an easier partner. 

We see it often in people who insult with the use of categorical labels, such as 'whores' as an example; They usually will call someone that label and ones like it when that's precisely what they're looking for over them only being 80% of the way there, consequently showing an idealistic sense of dreaminess over when they dial it up to 11. It's contradictory in appearance, but it's moreover them being attracted to something they'd rather not be into, oftentimes having said 80% there subjects receive disproportionate vitriol over older baggage from the resemblance not feeding the need enough for them to overcome their own internalized shame. 

Toil is a part of the bonding process, if it's not there it stagnates and seems replaceable. 

Turncoat said: 

Oftentimes what someone wants is a reflection of what they appear to despise, while what they claim to want is more of a safety buffer that makes it that much easier to move on from you. 

Uk qhatar.

I don't peak Klingon. What do you mean? I'm severely dyslexic so it's more convenient for me if you break this down.

We see it often in people who insult with the use of categorical labels, such as 'whores' as an example; They usually will call someone that label and ones like it when that's precisely what they're looking for over them only being 80% of the way there, consequently showing an idealistic sense of dreaminess over when they dial it up to 11. It's contradictory in appearance, but it's moreover them being attracted to something they'd rather not be into, oftentimes having said 80% there subjects receive disproportionate vitriol over older baggage from the resemblance not feeding the need enough for them to overcome their own internalized shame.

Don't think calling people whores means you're attracted to prostitutes.

Pinocchio said: 

It's good to recognize problem traits, but becoming who another wants is inconsistent, inauthentic, stressful, and the only people you'll find while playing pretend are the pretenders and those looking for who you're pretending to be.

What if the reason she left you is because you beat your wife, though? If you have a genuine problem you should probably do something about it or you end up miserable.

What if the reason she left is because she beat you too much, and she had to get away to stop being so violent? 

In such a case, self-blame has less credence than if you're the one doing the overt problem trait. It pays to be more realistic about it rather than just sit there and assume the blame must root from your own folly by default. 

The world isn't going to change for any one individual.

It doesn't have to, that's the beauty of it; It's a big world.

You just need to keep looking, ideally in spaces where common interests and synergistic kinks and quirks can be understood before you've even had sex. 

The best you can aim for is that Poissonian statistics provides you with the opportunity for a good match if you meet enough people.

Our own sense of shame is the true enemy when it comes to seeking a mate. 

But if you're filled with flaws that 'good match' is liable to choose someone different.

Good vs Bad matches are about synergy, not ideals. 

You don't need to pretend to change. You need to change authentically.

Or you can be more extroverted and just impose your will in such a way that others will either cow to it, agree with it, or leave you be. 

It's like a natural filter, you don't need everyone to like you. 

Toil is a part of the bonding process, if it's not there it stagnates and seems replaceable.

Maybe for you. Not for me though. Why would I ever want to be with someone I constantly feel awkward with or who isn't easy to have around. I like people who make me feel comfortable, pretty simple.

Pinocchio said: 

Turncoat said: 

Oftentimes what someone wants is a reflection of what they appear to despise, while what they claim to want is more of a safety buffer that makes it that much easier to move on from you. 

Uk qhatar.

I don't peak Klingon. What do you mean? I'm severely dyslexic so it's more convenient for me if you break this down.

A surprising number of people through not knowing themselves like what they claim to be disgusted by, and desires to change others tends to garner safety rather than interest. 

We see it often in people who insult with the use of categorical labels, such as 'whores' as an example; They usually will call someone that label and ones like it when that's precisely what they're looking for over them only being 80% of the way there, consequently showing an idealistic sense of dreaminess over when they dial it up to 11. It's contradictory in appearance, but it's moreover them being attracted to something they'd rather not be into, oftentimes having said 80% there subjects receive disproportionate vitriol over older baggage from the resemblance not feeding the need enough for them to overcome their own internalized shame.

Don't think calling people whores means you're attracted to prostitutes.

You'd be surprised. 

Pinocchio said: 

Toil is a part of the bonding process, if it's not there it stagnates and seems replaceable.

Maybe for you. Not for me though. Why would I ever want to be with someone I constantly feel awkward with.

Something about them arises those passions. 

Turncoat said: 

Pinocchio said: 

Turncoat said: 

Oftentimes what someone wants is a reflection of what they appear to despise, while what they claim to want is more of a safety buffer that makes it that much easier to move on from you. 

Uk qhatar.

I don't peak Klingon. What do you mean? I'm severely dyslexic so it's more convenient for me if you break this down.

A surprising number of people through not knowing themselves like what they claim to be disgusted by, and desires to change others tends to garner safety rather than interest. 

We see it often in people who insult with the use of categorical labels, such as 'whores' as an example; They usually will call someone that label and ones like it when that's precisely what they're looking for over them only being 80% of the way there, consequently showing an idealistic sense of dreaminess over when they dial it up to 11. It's contradictory in appearance, but it's moreover them being attracted to something they'd rather not be into, oftentimes having said 80% there subjects receive disproportionate vitriol over older baggage from the resemblance not feeding the need enough for them to overcome their own internalized shame.

Don't think calling people whores means you're attracted to prostitutes.

You'd be surprised. 

 I call women whores because that's what the internet told me. Am I attracted to whores?might be true if they're all whores 🤔